I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review. All opinions are 100% mine.
Andy Stanley has released his book "Choosing to Cheat" under a new name: "When Work & Family Collide." Read chapter 1 here.
The basic premise of the book is that we tend to cheat our families when we make work (or activities) priority over them. We may think we don't and that working is really to earn a paycheck to support and care for our families. While that is one reason to work, some people tend to focus so much on work and work related activities that much of the family activities are pushed aside. I know I find myself doing this. Weekends used to be about going and doing even if it was just to the zoo on our membership. Now that I am working I am too tired or since gas has gone up too focused on making sure I have gas to get to work that we just don't go and do anymore.
When we take time that could or should be spent with those whom we love most and use that stolen time to fulfill our work duties or our own hobbies then we are cheating our family. The point is also that we don't necessarily have to be doing "bad" stuff but even noble activities and hobbies can take our valuable time away from our families.
Andy Stanley is calling us back to our priority helping us all to realize that putting our family first above work or hobby is most important. To do this he shows us how important it is to focus on God first. Being wholly submitted to God and His priorities will help us rearrange our lives to focus on our families. "After all, He takes full responsibility for the life that's wholly devoted to Him." I really like that quote because it is so right.
Good book that I highly recommend to anyone stuggling with setting boundaries with work or social life or family life so buy now.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Friday, February 17, 2012
Always Below The Surface
This week we lost a player on our basketball team. Seems she has gone back home to live with her bio family. Now, she was not in fostercare or anything like that. She lived with a couple who just wanted to help the mother out. The mother is single and this child is number 3 of 5 or something. This couple has already raised 2 boys to adulthood and really didn't have to offer to let said child live with them. They had unofficial guardianship only nothing legal.
Well the child began to strangulate the adults in her life and cause problems between this couple. The child was returned home. I am not blaming anyone in the scenario. Seems the child became really comfortable and took advantage. The mom never officially released her and the couple had no true legality over her. So I was explaining to G why the girl went home, basically disrespect and disobedience toward the couple.
Then it surfaced, the nagging hidden fear of all children who have been adopted. The fear so deep in some that it surfaces rarely. In some kids who have been adopted the fear causes behaviors to force parents to reject them (if possible) reaffirming what they suspect, the "I am not worthy to be loved and accepted as shown by my first mom giving me up" narrative. I don't t see this fear in G a lot though it does surface and it did surface this morning.
When I told G that the girl had gone home, answering G's question (after processing this info last night) this morning, she immediately said, "You won't ever give me away will you?" I affirmed that even if she wanted me to (which sometimes she claims she does-remembering the find a new mother summer) I wouldn't.
Now that I am writing this out I am realizing that her mini melt down and ugly self depricating comments last night where from her processing this girls situation. Yes, call me slowpoke from not picking up on it then. I didn't connect the dots for over 24 hours, hmmm. At least G can tell me her fears so I can reaffirm she is my daughter forever.
It is interesting how this idea if being given away does not occur to a bio child who has never been removed from the first family. As for our children who were once adopted this idea simmers beneath the surface and no matter what we say or do these kids live with the fear. I don't like saying our adopted children because adoption was a one time (hopefully) event in the past as a way for the child to enter the family. G is not an adopted child, she is a child who was adopted.
Anyway, this girl's story is mostly incidental to this post, only a background story that caused G's fear of abandonment to surface. We will work it out and talk it out and reassure her so she can stuff the fear a wee bit deeper this time. I have to realize it isn't going to go away for a long time, if ever. I do need to not be surprised when it comes out.
Yes this is all in the books about adoption, loss etc but for some reason it still takes me by surprise when it happens.
Well the child began to strangulate the adults in her life and cause problems between this couple. The child was returned home. I am not blaming anyone in the scenario. Seems the child became really comfortable and took advantage. The mom never officially released her and the couple had no true legality over her. So I was explaining to G why the girl went home, basically disrespect and disobedience toward the couple.
Then it surfaced, the nagging hidden fear of all children who have been adopted. The fear so deep in some that it surfaces rarely. In some kids who have been adopted the fear causes behaviors to force parents to reject them (if possible) reaffirming what they suspect, the "I am not worthy to be loved and accepted as shown by my first mom giving me up" narrative. I don't t see this fear in G a lot though it does surface and it did surface this morning.
When I told G that the girl had gone home, answering G's question (after processing this info last night) this morning, she immediately said, "You won't ever give me away will you?" I affirmed that even if she wanted me to (which sometimes she claims she does-remembering the find a new mother summer) I wouldn't.
Now that I am writing this out I am realizing that her mini melt down and ugly self depricating comments last night where from her processing this girls situation. Yes, call me slowpoke from not picking up on it then. I didn't connect the dots for over 24 hours, hmmm. At least G can tell me her fears so I can reaffirm she is my daughter forever.
It is interesting how this idea if being given away does not occur to a bio child who has never been removed from the first family. As for our children who were once adopted this idea simmers beneath the surface and no matter what we say or do these kids live with the fear. I don't like saying our adopted children because adoption was a one time (hopefully) event in the past as a way for the child to enter the family. G is not an adopted child, she is a child who was adopted.
Anyway, this girl's story is mostly incidental to this post, only a background story that caused G's fear of abandonment to surface. We will work it out and talk it out and reassure her so she can stuff the fear a wee bit deeper this time. I have to realize it isn't going to go away for a long time, if ever. I do need to not be surprised when it comes out.
Yes this is all in the books about adoption, loss etc but for some reason it still takes me by surprise when it happens.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Just Rambling
Sadly, my fire no longer rotates. That is frustrating. Now all reading is done horizontally not vertically like I prefer. I know '1st world problem' right?
My mother's church may be going on a mission trip to China. Guess who besides me is over the moon excited? G is ready to go RIGHT NOW! If the money (I have no idea how much) can be raised then maybe G, my dad and I will go. Mom said heck to the no about her going. She really is not much into traveling.
Currently, the parents are not nearby which means G gets to spend an almost uninterrupted afternoon with her friend. Win-win for everyone. Bball practice is tonight with a game on Sat. G feels fine so she will be able to play.
Monday is a school holiday which to me makes no sense. We never got this day off from school. Plus it adds to the end of the year. I am thinking an around the year school might be better. Current school year is based on tradition of agrarian society with children being needed to help on the farm. I am ready to break with tradition.
Sad to see the reaction to Whitney houston's death. Really why are we surprised? She self imploded. Millions of children languish in institutions in country's that can't or won't acknowledge God's perfect design, treating these children as sub-human, few people react. One drug addicted singer accidentally kills herself and the world mourns. Seems as humans we have our priorities a little off kilter.
Then there is obama doing as he promised: fundamentally transforming America into a socialist welfare state. Is anybody out there? Is anybody listening? Will anyone think clearly beyond their own selfish wants! The insurance mandate forced upon th Catholics is forcing an agenda of accepting the deaths of babies through abortion. Guess what? Birth control is not a fundamental right! Birth and child bearing are not a disease to be prevented. And insurance should NEVER be used for incidentals. Insurance is and should only be about major medical issues, disasters, and accidents the would devastate a family or individual financially. The costs of healthcare have gone up precisely because we have asked insurance to cover incidentals. Good idea in theory but fiscally insane. Obama makes me grit my teeth. I am considering suing him for clenched jaw syndrome.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Here is a very important blot post to read. The importance of taking a stand and not giving into the pro-abortion, ie child murder lobby, cannot be stressed enough. Planned parenthood kills children and wants the government to force everyone to accept it. Pp is a political party. Never forget it.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Monday, February 13, 2012
what a weekend
The weekend started Friday night with G and a sore throat. She caught my cold. I took her temp after karate and it was low grade 99. I thought maybe it was because of working out in karate so I waited. The next time it was 100.4 or 6 or something. So I texted the grandparents about not going to the basketball game and texted the coach as well. I took a dose of niquil myself, drugged G with a zyrtec and tussin cough meds the headed to bed.
At 6:45am G wakes me up whining about not getting to play basketball. Nyquil knocks me out and I was mostly non-responsive at that time of the morning. Long story short when I was able to get up only to function in a fog, I made a Dr appointment for 10:20am which was about an hour twenty after I woke up. I called my mom and got myself and G dressed. Mom came over and we headed to the doc. I had not had breakfast nor made coffee. G ate her eggs in the car on the way. Thirty five dollars later we walk out without Rx because G has a simple cold, no strep and no infection, yeah.
Peace of mind is worth the price. G's basketball team borrowed a player from the opposing team and all 10 girls got to play. That is what I like about upward, it is learning about Jesus while playing a bit of basketball with everyone getting a chance to play. Yes G was upset not to play but giving everyone on her team a cold or making G sicker for over exertion was not my idea of a fun Sat. After running the humidifier I think we are now both on the mend. I am thankful for doctors who don't over prescribe.
Sunday we exposed as few people as we could and G was 24 hours fever free anyway at that point, but we only went to Sunday School. G worked in her scrap book, painted me a valentine rock and painted a picture frame. She had a creative day and I got the pile of laundry done. All in all productive I think so.
At 6:45am G wakes me up whining about not getting to play basketball. Nyquil knocks me out and I was mostly non-responsive at that time of the morning. Long story short when I was able to get up only to function in a fog, I made a Dr appointment for 10:20am which was about an hour twenty after I woke up. I called my mom and got myself and G dressed. Mom came over and we headed to the doc. I had not had breakfast nor made coffee. G ate her eggs in the car on the way. Thirty five dollars later we walk out without Rx because G has a simple cold, no strep and no infection, yeah.
Peace of mind is worth the price. G's basketball team borrowed a player from the opposing team and all 10 girls got to play. That is what I like about upward, it is learning about Jesus while playing a bit of basketball with everyone getting a chance to play. Yes G was upset not to play but giving everyone on her team a cold or making G sicker for over exertion was not my idea of a fun Sat. After running the humidifier I think we are now both on the mend. I am thankful for doctors who don't over prescribe.
Sunday we exposed as few people as we could and G was 24 hours fever free anyway at that point, but we only went to Sunday School. G worked in her scrap book, painted me a valentine rock and painted a picture frame. She had a creative day and I got the pile of laundry done. All in all productive I think so.
Monday, February 06, 2012
Not One CNY Event This Year
We missed the last event that was held Saturday. Makes me sort of sad; however, G plays basketball every Saturday in the middle of the day. Then I have another head cold which makes me feel like warmed over roadkill. G scored two baskets and they only lost by 4 instead of 40 like the first game against this particular team. In that respect Saturday was awesome.
G and I decided to try out a new recipe Saturday afternoon. That's right, we made the cats some treats. Literally, in the making of these so called treats there were many screams and dances and declarations of I wish I had a dad here today; because you see, I am not a cook. I dislike dead things that can still be identified. Enter the can of mackerel. Did you know it doesn't come like canned tuna? I didn't. So imagine my utter shock of horror to discover the headless, finless gutted bodies (skin on) of the fish flop out of the can. I jumped and screamed and danced around the kitchen with the omg omg omg whatamigonnado hands and G exclaimed she wished she had a dad to handle dead fish.
To declare this treat making a disaster would be to bestow much kindness upon me. I declared it an abject and total failure in the why did I think this would be easy and enjoyable category. My Sunday school class got a laugh over it. In the end, however, I dumped all of the mixture. And my house stunk like fish even at 4 a.m. when I though I had eradicated the smell via a tea egg China spice mixture. Oh and the cats, for whom the treats were made? They hated them. One cat even threw what she did eat back up.
I suppose this will be one of the future funny stories we will sit around and talk about when I am older.
Anyway, the CNY packet I gave to G's teacher had been forgotten. I wish her teacher would use it but I didn't really give her a great heads up about it.
G and I decided to try out a new recipe Saturday afternoon. That's right, we made the cats some treats. Literally, in the making of these so called treats there were many screams and dances and declarations of I wish I had a dad here today; because you see, I am not a cook. I dislike dead things that can still be identified. Enter the can of mackerel. Did you know it doesn't come like canned tuna? I didn't. So imagine my utter shock of horror to discover the headless, finless gutted bodies (skin on) of the fish flop out of the can. I jumped and screamed and danced around the kitchen with the omg omg omg whatamigonnado hands and G exclaimed she wished she had a dad to handle dead fish.
To declare this treat making a disaster would be to bestow much kindness upon me. I declared it an abject and total failure in the why did I think this would be easy and enjoyable category. My Sunday school class got a laugh over it. In the end, however, I dumped all of the mixture. And my house stunk like fish even at 4 a.m. when I though I had eradicated the smell via a tea egg China spice mixture. Oh and the cats, for whom the treats were made? They hated them. One cat even threw what she did eat back up.
I suppose this will be one of the future funny stories we will sit around and talk about when I am older.
Anyway, the CNY packet I gave to G's teacher had been forgotten. I wish her teacher would use it but I didn't really give her a great heads up about it.
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