Sunday, December 31, 2006

Photos of my girl!!

G cooking in her wok Christmas evening.












G's favorite toy and the last thing with which she played: Shabin' cweem (shaving cream)

HAPPY NEW YEAR! Bye-Bye 2006, HELLO '07

I am pretending that 2007 has been rung in. I am too tired to stay up to midnight. G is spending the night with the grandparents. My mom asked her if she wanted to then told her to ask me. Here is G asking me to spend the night with Grammie and Grandad,

G: "I sweepin' wiff dandad and gammie, 'kay?" (head is cocked slightly and eyes wide open)

Me: "okay"

She doesn't really ask but tells. Anyway, she is totally opinionated. Last night she slept in her t-shirt and blue jeans (after shower). Yesterday all day she played in her pajamas. Today she wore a red dress only because I had a red sweater on and she wanted to match mommy.

She is the most wonderful child ever!! I really can't imagine having another daughter as she is so perfect, but I really do want her to have a sister. Now, however, I need to ditch "first thing" and acquire "second thing" and start paper-chasing for another country.

We went to church this morning and she did so well in "big church" after Sunday School. She really likes Sunday School but not "big church" so much. We had two potty breaks and left as soon as the preacher stopped speaking. It was a wonderful sermon, what I heard of it. I am not really able to enjoy the service since G must be with me the whole time. I am super conscious and sensitive about how she acts and will be viewed in church. We have only had to go to the cry room twice since being home. That is pretty good actually.

Usually I receive compliments on her behavior. They truly are well deserved, not due to me but because she is an introvert and will not act out to draw unknown attention to herself. By unknown I mean by someone she doesn't know. She is a normal toddler and likes attention from those people she knows and loves but not strangers.

Okay, on to the resolutions. I will write those privately so that if I break them I only have to feel guilty to me not the whole internet!!


Happy New Year! For those families waiting to adopt, may 2007 bring your families together at last. My own prayer is that in 2007, God will give my parents rest and that some drastic positive changes will come in my family!!

Friday, December 29, 2006

Sorry about the downer, and other ramblings.

I realize my life could be much much worse. I do normally have a depression set in after Christmas. This year other than my working status, I actually wasn't as depressed as in years past. I am sure it is due to having my G home. She truly is the joy of my life.

We hosted my friend P last night for her birthday. I couldn't get to sing happy birthday to her though. G wanted me to sing happy bday to her and P. After P left, then she wanted to give her a hug. Oh well, the timing of toddlers.

G is off at work with Mrs. Sarah (her daycare teacher). G doesn't like to go to daycare or school so I tell her that she is going to work with Mrs. Sarah. That seems to work for us. She is also getting very particular about her clothing articles. It is getting extremely difficult to dress her in the mornings. I didn't want her to have an opinion until she reached the teen years and then only a good opinion.

Got a call at midnight the other night from OB. I never really thought he would call back. I guess out of courtesy I should return the call. I don't really know what he wants or what he expects. We will see. Sadly, I haven't changed much, just got older. I am certainly looking like a mother though and not a cool, hip, slim one. I still even battle face disfiguring acne. Yes well into my 30s, nothing seems to work.

Okay, so off to start the "first thing" today. No kid is up during a holiday before 10am!!

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Post Christmas Blues & Mystery Solved

So I now know why the shaving cream was a wanted gift. Apparently, the daycare uses it to clean the tables after art projects as well as clean the kids’ hands since they are the ones to use it. It is also a texture thing for the kids.

Christmas is officially over. G received some more gifts last night. She got a new tiger from her cousin A and some play food/pots/pans from her cousins W and SJ. Her cousins M and C got her a suitcase that also had a fanny pack and a little overnight bag. She had wanted Santa to bring her a suitcase before the shaving cream. Even before that though she had decided when she grew up she would get married and have a suitcase. Now she has the suitcase, why bother growing up and getting married?

So our family received some pretty devastating news over the holidays. My ears are still ringing. I just can't imagine how much more my parents can take. What else can happen? I know something has to be just around the corner, so what more?

I so wish to be independently wealthy and not have a worry in the world about paying bills or stressing out my parents. My house in Memphis is still not selling. The potential buyers who keep dragging my realtor and theirs along are hesitant about the neighborhood. I assure them that I would not have moved except for my grandmother's home was re-modeled for me to eventually buy. I am really thinking, now I should not have done anything, stayed put and dealt with being fired from Gmark for G being sick. Then I could have at least gotten on unemployment until something came along.

I just don't know what to do or think at this point. Sometimes (and I won't do this) I just want to bang my head on the table to stop the feelings I have inside. I am currently not speaking to my dad not because I don't want to but because I can't. He told me Friday that I should go get my SW license and go to work for a hospice opening up in Marion or West Memphis. I saw where he was going with the story and told him I wasn't licensed and couldn't work there.

He jumped down my throat, told me that I think I know everything, and told me all I had to do was take a test; that was what so-and-so did. They "went to school in Memphis and took a test." Then my mom who thinks she is helping steps in and says "No, don't you remember that so-not-so had to work for a year?" I loudly pointed out that would be fine if my degree were SW!!! As it is I have a MS in Counseling and Personnel Services with an Emphasis on Community and Agency Counseling. I chose not to get licensed at the time, big mistake.

There is just so much wrong with the reasoning he has, and he so won't listen to me. First of all, I am not licensed!! Second I don't have the credentials to be licensed. Third, you don't go work for a hospice just because you are licensed and need a job. A hospice is dealing with and attempting to help dying people and their families. A very special person is needed to work with dying people and their families. I don't handle bugs dying very well, I would never be able to cope with someone human dying. I would be so ineffective!

I mean that is like asking a GP to perform brain surgery because the neurosurgeon position is open. Yes, it probably can be done but not as effective and with possibly great harm. Then I am told by my mom that I am too defensive. Yeah, she is right I am very defensive. I feel condemned and totally useless. I feel like I am causing great financial pain to my parents and extended family.


Yes, this is the POST for Christmas Blues.

Monday, December 25, 2006

Christmas Morning 2006

G playing with her favorite Santa gift, shaving cream.








G playing with her food and tea set.















G's gifts from Santa, at least some of them.

Christmas Eve 2006


G leaving the reindeer food out.

Family Christmas 2006 Saturday




G trying to take off her shoes.








G helping her cousin play the piano.












G feeding her newest baby doll. This baby cries and sucks a bottle to stop. I even tried to turn it off and G knew I had done something to make it not work.

G also undressed it first thing. What good is a baby if it isn't a nekkid baby?

Caroline's Welcome Home 2006 Friday



Caroline and her mommy and daddy coming home.

Caroline and her very proud mommy.

G and a balloon, curtesy of Caroline and her Grammie.

Single's Party 2006 Thursday.



The girls playing "Dirty Santa".
G taking it all in.

I am behind and I am sorry

So we have had a busy weekend. We welcomed home Caroline and her mom and dad on Friday night. She had a large welcome home party. Then we picked up a friend and drove around Memphis looking at lights. We did that until G didn't want to see anymore "yights" and "Santa Clauses". Saturday afternoon we celebrated Christmas with my Dad's side of the family at my cousin's home here in town. I have pics to post of that evening. My aunt and uncle are very kind to us and give G great toys. My aunt saw her for the first time this Saturday.

We have been at my parent’s house since Friday (every day) since my aunt and cousin are here visiting. Thursday night we went to a party for some single friends who have adopted or are adopting. Tuesday night we were at the CHI family party at a home and Santa came. Well since Santa was there, G and I had to hide. She didn't play with anyone.

Friday morning G woke up with her eye swollen shut. I think she has a cold in both of her eyes. We are treating them and they don't seem to be burning her. We skipped church on Sunday morning because both eyes were swollen shut. She is now running a low grade fever. YEA!! Sick kid on Christmas; just what I always wanted!!

This is now Christmas morning and we have unwrapped everything (that was the favorite part) and it is only 9:30am. So G had a definite idea about what Santa was bringing her. She wanted Santa to bring her "shabin cream and lickets." Translation, shaving cream and lipstick (chapstick). So guess what? Santa left shave gel and “lickets” for G among other things. So she played with the shaving cream already this morning on her table. I will post photos as soon as I can.

All in all it has been a great Christmas and G is getting the idea of it. Last year she was totally over whelmed and confused. I limited her gifts this time. I have something I was going to let Santa give her but I will hold it for her April b-day.


G made some Christmas things for me at school and I must say that was the most fun and best gift I have ever gotten, PERIOD. Of course I wouldn't have gotten those hand-made gifts if not for my wonderful gift of G.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

The brilliance of my Child



She is a genius, I tell you!! And very artistic.
My daughter's playdough boots. Boots are not a particular favorite of hers mind you.

Ornament Parade 2006 Day 12


I 'm 'enery the 8th I am,

'enery the 8th I am I am,

I got married to the widow next door.

She'd been married 7 times before;

and all them were 'eneries,

never was a Willie or a Sam.

I'm 'er 8th old man,

I'm 'enery.

'enery the 8th I am I am.
Second verse, same as the first.

This is from the Tower of London gift shop. I even have 5 out of 6 wives (to be displayed in two posts) and one duplicate. I am looking for the wife in yellow. If anyone visits London anytime sooner or later please pick me up the wife in yellow. I forgot which one it was. Thanks.

Monday, December 18, 2006

Ornament Parade 2006 day 11 (skipping some)



These ornaments are actually from the same trip. This was my last trip abroad without G. This was Barcelona 2004. The ornaments however, were purchased in the Frankfurt, Germany, airport at a British shop. We were flying back and I had not found any ornaments in Spain that I liked.
So here are my Barcelona, Spain ornaments via Germany!!

Pony Tails



Donna's Blog again sent out a Friday Foto Challenge. Maybe I will make it and maybe not. I still have not learned how to link from here but maybe one day I will take the time to learn. These were taken in October for our CHI family festival.

Friday, December 15, 2006

You talkin to me?


Just wait until that look is coming from a 13 year old. Good thing she is so young and cute.

Life update

So G is spending the night with Grammie and Grandad. She is such a brat around them. It is totally my fault because I don't make her mind since I don't want the grandparents to be upset. They don't like seeing her upset. She has figured this out too so she really plays it. I know it is and will be my fault when none of her cousins like her for her behavior around the grandparents. Of course with the financial situation as it is and my job situation like it is I have no real way to stop this.

See I am back under authority of my parents since they are in effect paying for everything. I am not getting paid a regular check nor am I going to be able to bill enough with first thing to do so. Also, the Memphis house isn't sold. My mother asked me about bankruptcy the other night. I feel so totally ashamed and disappointed with myself and my situation especially since it deeply affects G.

The relationship with my parents is more than strained. I can barely stand for them to look at me especially my dad. And the whole thing is that I am trying but failing miserably. Of course I don't have it as bad as some people. I don't have a life threatening illness that may take me away from G early in life. I just don't feel that this will ever straighten out.

I am so letting things go too. I am over 2000 miles past the oil change on my car and I never do that. I don't look at bills anymore and I barely balance the check book. It is all too depressing. I am living off credit and I so know better than to do that. All of this around Christmas just sucks.


Here is the other part. I know God is there and He is with me but I feel so far away from Him. I don't understand what this is leading me to and why this situation had to affect my parents so much. I mean Christmas will suck for them because of me. There is nothing that will change that perception in my mind. I don't even feel grown up. Anyway, this post may not stay up for long because it is so depressing even to me.  There just has to be a workable solution!!

Ornament Parade 2006 Day 10 (I went back and counted)


From the week I spent in Hawaii 2000. It so didn't feel like Christmas. I really didn't enjoy it since I am not a beach person there wasn't much to do. I and a friend went to Maui. We drove up to Hana and visited Piai. I think I spelled it all correctly. We saw Lindburgh's grave. But all in all I probably won't go back. Yes it was beautiful but not more than a weeks worth to me.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

New Big Girl Bed Pics

Helping Grandad put the bed together.









Jumping on the bed because that is the only thing to do right? Big girl beds aren't to sleep in right?



I will lay here for only a second.

Ornament Parade 2006 day 2 after forgetting the real day


I am too lazy to find out which day I am really on. So this is a cloisonne (sp??) ornament from China. It has a snowman on it as you can see. Little did I know that G would really fall in love with snowmen. Last year we bought a dancing one that we have left out all year and played on a regular basis. Santa is not loved but snowmen are. Living where we do means not seeing in reality snowmen as we rarely get snow enough to make them. G still likes them though.

Okay

So last night G got her big girl bed. It is a hand-me-down from none other than my 9th grade algebra teacher, actually from his wife. So I have been prepping G on getting her a big girl bed and that maybe at her birthday she would get one and sleep in it as opposed to w/mommy. She has certainly agreed to sleep in her big girl bed, at least verbally. We have talked about it. She went with her grandad to pick it up. She wanted to sleep in it the first night at Grandad's house in the den (where it wasn't set up). She helped put it together last night in her room even passing up the candy I placed far away from the room so she couldn't help. Sometimes she is just not the help she thinks she is.

So the bed is up and made with her helping and she even lay upon it. She immediately knew it was more bouncy than mom's bed. I have photo proof she loves it. She tested it out until bedtime that is. So at bedtime:

Me: Okay G, you gonna sleep in your new bed?

G: No.

Me: Okay so where are you gonna sleep?

G: Wiff Mama.

Me: Okay so you and mama gonna sleep in your big girl bed then?

G (with head cocked slightly): You not gonna syeep wiff me?

Me: Yeah, baby, I am gonna sleep with you in your new bed.

G: No, in mama's bed! (As she turns to walk to mama's bed)


Oh well, the bed is really nice to see in her room and even change a nighttime diaper on but sleeping, yeah, well umm, no.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Ornament Parade 2006 first day after forgotten one.



This ornament is from Lake Louise in Canada. This was the first and last time I ever skiied. I had such a good time and just knew I would convince my family that we should have Christmas skiing one year. However, some family members did not want to do that and now I am too broke to do so. This is my memory as well as the 100 or so photos I have of the ice and snow and my poor attempts on the bunny hill. I became a pro at the T bar!!
By the way, I have never in my life and I mean never ever ever been so cold as I was standing still in Canada!!

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Ornament Parade 2006 Day I forgot


This was given to me by either my great aunt or my mom's friend. I can't remember but it hung on my mom's tree when I was little.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Sorrow Ramblings

So I made the Foto Challenge and I decided I would write what is bothering me and what is a dart to my heart right now. China Center for Adoption Affairs (CCAA) has decided on some changes to the international adoption programs. Well, there are several big changes and the one that affects me the most is no longer will singles be allowed to adopt from China. These changes take effect May 1, 2007. If I were paper ready and had a spot to adopt from I would not have an issue but without a full time job, the money to go again, and the spot on an agencies list I can't even think about it.

So in my heart of hearts I wanted to adopt another daughter from China for two reasons. The first is that G and her sister would have similar beginnings and similar experiences. Having someone to share that with would help both girls as they grew up. The second reason is that my heart is deep in China. God is doing something wonderful there and I wanted to be part of it. I hoped that my part would be to raise two daughters from there.

The thing is really that I may never have adopted again but now I don't have the option even if I wanted too. I do want to but wanting to and being able on my own vs. not being allowed to are two different things. When the changes were sent by my agency I was physically sick. I am still when I think of it. I called my mom to tell her of my sorrow and she said, "Well, isn't G enough?" Sometimes my mom and I are on two totally different planets. Then she proceeded to tell me of another family member in crisis which trumped my own grief.

To answer the question, YES, G is enough. However, there will now be children in China left to grow up in orphanages or foster families. However, G will have no one in her family or close circle to share her experience. However, my heart GRIEVES for the Chinese daughter I won't have.


CCAA says there are twice as many adoptive parents as children. To truly understand, there is not a shortage of children just paper ready children. There will be so many children left behind with the new restrictions. I know other countries are open and I will investigate India and VietNam when the time comes. The thing is though, I felt my 2nd daughter was in China. This is one more time I must remind myself that God knows what He is doing even if I don't or even if I don't agree with HIM. It isn't my will but Thine be done. I pray He will help me accept this!!

Friday Foto Challenge



I have yet to make the list and maybe it is because I have no idea out to link the page but I will try one more time. This past challenge is PJs. I will post G in her "prog" pjs and in her "Princess Cinorella G" gown.

The one in the gown was last night and the "prog" one was taken the Sat after Thanksgiving. She loves her Purple Bear.


Ornament Parade 2006 Day 6


This is one of 12 ornaments in a 12 Days of Christmas collection. I have the glasses too. I love the 12 Days of Christmas. At one time in history this was used to tell the story of the Christ who came to save us from our sins. It was a way for Christians to celebrate the so called "pagan" holiday incorporating the true meaning without getting in trouble by the religious leaders of the day. I have a book with the meaning of each day. This is the two turtledoves which was the sacrifice of the poor after the 8 days of a male child's birth. Mary and Joseph were poor and this is what they took to the temple for cleansing.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Ornament Parade 2006 days 3-5




Blogger hasn't been cooperating the last few days. So we try again and load up the ornaments.
Sorry about the sideways one. It is from Amsterdam. The boat is from St. Thomas and the other is a sun catcher from Greece.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Ornament parade 2006 day 2




The Snowman with G's name was given to her by our neighbors last year from their vacation. We no longer live near each other. The angel was her foot print and hand prints. After her class did that she wanted to trace her feet and Grammie's, Grandad's and mama's feet and hands. When we received this we figured out her passion for tracing feet and hands.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Ornament parade 2006






Each day until Christmas Eve, I will post a couple of ornaments from my tree that are meaningful to me. Here are the first two and in reverse order of importance., meaning the most important to least. I would not have these ornaments if G weren't in my life. These were made last year in her school. At that time she really didn't understand but now she does have a small clue. She loves her Christmas tree and I hope that a few ornaments of mine will be replaced through the years by ornaments from her or related to her.
These are handprints made into snowmen. It was a very cute idea. I love them. I also don't know why blogger posted them twice. I only have one red and one blue one.

Glenys and her cookie creations


G contemplating the sugar content.

Monday, December 04, 2006

Weekend


This is a recap of the weekend. Friday was Grammie's birthday and G picked out a "happy cake cake". She happened to pick out my favorite, red velvet, only because it had a very yummy red rose on white icing. She only wanted the icing. So we celebrated and sang Happy Birthday to Grammie and G loves that song.

Then G spent Friday night with Grammie and Grandad and I met them for breakfast on Saturday. That afternoon, G and I went to a cookie decorating party with some of our FCC friends. She was not ready to leave and I left all the cookies she decorated at the party. Way to go Mom! She also didn't have a nap and I am still paying for it. She is getting a cold and is having difficulty fighting it off. We tend to go to bed later and later not necessarily meaning to though.

I am almost finished with the Christmas cards and had to get some more photos ordered. I ran out of the school/Santa/other photos so we are using one I took by the tree. I love shutterfly!!

Also, G has started potty training with real live big girl pants on . She has been wearing big girl pants to school since the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. Over that weekend she had several accidents big enough for clothing change. Recently she will start to go and catch herself so only the panty layer has to be changed. She is able to tell me when she needs to go and I try to take her every hour or so. The pooing is another thing. She has done that part three days in a row: once at school and twice at home. She currently though can't go so I put a pull-up on her at her request so she can maybe go as it has been about 3 days now. She is also swigging on the prune juice to "help".

She is such a big girl and is sooooo proud of her "big girl panties". She also almost cried one day when she had to go in a pullup only because we were not going to be near a bathroom and I knew it. My little girl is growing up more than I like!!


I wrapped some Christmas gifts so our tree doesn't look so bare!!

Monday, November 27, 2006

Comparisons




Some of the pictures are obvious like Santa. The one on the left was taken last year in Dec. The one on the right was taken last Friday night. Notice it is the same Santa, same child, different expression.

Then the other photo with two pictures in it has the first school photo on the right and then last spring's school photo. In neither photo is she smiling or looking at the camera. The one with the bunny was taken on November 11, 2006 and she is smiling slightly for the photo, looking directly at the camera and I had plenty of photos from which to choose. I guess that means she is growing up to understand that picture taking is a natural part of childhood (*wink*).

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Our Christmas tree with Purple Bear


Thanksgiving and Christmas Trees

So this weekend we enjoyed Thanksgiving with my niece and nephew from Conway at my cousin and his family's home here in Marion. We had a great time. Friday we went with my sis and her kids and my parents to see Happy Feet. Then we went in search of Santa. We found him and had not the best photo taken with Santa. I will post later.

Saturday, G and I attended our last neighbor's child's birthday party. We loaned them the jumper. We were there a long time and G was exhausted but she had soooo much fun with Sam. Then that evening I put the tree up and decorated. G was allowed to help with the non-breakable ornaments of which she broke two. So much for un-breakables.

At one of the other blogs, Double Happiness (2happy.typepad.com), there is a photo challenge of Christmas trees. So I will post some photos of G helping with the Christmas tree. By the way she loved helping. She oooed and ahhed over the decorations. I filmed it and then took pictures of the completed scene with G in her new frog PJs.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

First Thing update and more

So I have had a lot of down time with this new job. I have met 6 of the kids I will have on the case load and not scheduled to meet anymore this week. Since I am billable I am still not seeing anyone officially so I am not making money just the $50 stipend.

I am still not sure I am going to like this job or company. I have a bad habit of going in somewhere and seeing things that need to be done or that could be done better, but I will not say a word until I have proven that I am capable of actually working there.

I have mostly African American kids on the case load, and sadly I can tell by the names. It is a shame how some parents choose names for their kids. Also, sadly the parents are about 80% of the child's problems. Walked in one home just as an introductory visit and the parents (with very small children present) were smoking pot. I could smell it in the air. I just want to shake the parents and say, "WHY". This is such an unhealthy atmosphere for the kids not to mention illegal. Also, there is no illness requiring pot as treatment.

I just don't know. I hope second thing comes quickly. I am still mostly on the verge of tears and still cannot meet my financial obligations. Also, the house is not sold!! I have the most AWFUL timing imaginable. PERIOD.

G and I did go have our flu shots though when I had to have a TB test. She didn't want to have a shot and told me so. I said, "me either." And she said, "me either". She was a trooper though, and she got play dough and panties for her effort. Yes, she cried before, during and after the shot. Candy made her feel better immediately. The nurses just went on and on about how smart she is and how verbal she is. Oh and they loved her cheeks!!

G wore her panties for the first time to school yesterday and apparently she has them on now at Grammie's house. She now has nothing to hold her pants up. The panties are too big for her and bunch up around her bottom. She can't wear them for naps and bedtime though. She has kept them dry at least all day yesterday and I guess today.

She spent the night with my parents last night. She was grumpy too last night and didn't want me to look her way. She can't stay with them tonight or tomorrow though. I just don't need her thinking I am out of the picture. I hope her grumpiness was just the flu shot.

I am heading that way now for pre-Thanksgiving family gathering and nap time.


Happy Thanksgiving to your family from ours. Remember to Whom thanks is truly owed.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Photos






So here are a few shots of G from Monday, yesterday and this morning. She has a fascination with Clementine's "kennen" or kennel as it is normally known. She loves climbing in it, and she wants her picture taken in it too. She is always cooperative when she asks for the photo to be taken. Last night a friend was over and put G's hair up with the new hair bows G got from her cousin. When one looks good why not try them all out? Then the other photo is as close to nekkin baby as I will post on the blog. G asked me to take a picture of her bear, but G was only in her diaper as she had been painting earlier in mom's t-shirt and diaper. She ditched the shirt as soon as I put the paints up. She would rather be nekkin. (I prefer this spelling). But I guess who wouldn't rather be? I dated a guy once who had this as a goal and now he lives in FL so he can be nekkin, or almost nekkin anyway, all the time.