Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Post Christmas Blues & Mystery Solved

So I now know why the shaving cream was a wanted gift. Apparently, the daycare uses it to clean the tables after art projects as well as clean the kids’ hands since they are the ones to use it. It is also a texture thing for the kids.

Christmas is officially over. G received some more gifts last night. She got a new tiger from her cousin A and some play food/pots/pans from her cousins W and SJ. Her cousins M and C got her a suitcase that also had a fanny pack and a little overnight bag. She had wanted Santa to bring her a suitcase before the shaving cream. Even before that though she had decided when she grew up she would get married and have a suitcase. Now she has the suitcase, why bother growing up and getting married?

So our family received some pretty devastating news over the holidays. My ears are still ringing. I just can't imagine how much more my parents can take. What else can happen? I know something has to be just around the corner, so what more?

I so wish to be independently wealthy and not have a worry in the world about paying bills or stressing out my parents. My house in Memphis is still not selling. The potential buyers who keep dragging my realtor and theirs along are hesitant about the neighborhood. I assure them that I would not have moved except for my grandmother's home was re-modeled for me to eventually buy. I am really thinking, now I should not have done anything, stayed put and dealt with being fired from Gmark for G being sick. Then I could have at least gotten on unemployment until something came along.

I just don't know what to do or think at this point. Sometimes (and I won't do this) I just want to bang my head on the table to stop the feelings I have inside. I am currently not speaking to my dad not because I don't want to but because I can't. He told me Friday that I should go get my SW license and go to work for a hospice opening up in Marion or West Memphis. I saw where he was going with the story and told him I wasn't licensed and couldn't work there.

He jumped down my throat, told me that I think I know everything, and told me all I had to do was take a test; that was what so-and-so did. They "went to school in Memphis and took a test." Then my mom who thinks she is helping steps in and says "No, don't you remember that so-not-so had to work for a year?" I loudly pointed out that would be fine if my degree were SW!!! As it is I have a MS in Counseling and Personnel Services with an Emphasis on Community and Agency Counseling. I chose not to get licensed at the time, big mistake.

There is just so much wrong with the reasoning he has, and he so won't listen to me. First of all, I am not licensed!! Second I don't have the credentials to be licensed. Third, you don't go work for a hospice just because you are licensed and need a job. A hospice is dealing with and attempting to help dying people and their families. A very special person is needed to work with dying people and their families. I don't handle bugs dying very well, I would never be able to cope with someone human dying. I would be so ineffective!

I mean that is like asking a GP to perform brain surgery because the neurosurgeon position is open. Yes, it probably can be done but not as effective and with possibly great harm. Then I am told by my mom that I am too defensive. Yeah, she is right I am very defensive. I feel condemned and totally useless. I feel like I am causing great financial pain to my parents and extended family.

Yes, this is the POST for Christmas Blues.

1 comment:

cathy said...

for what it's worth i got a federal student loan and got a masters. it took 18 months, took the boards at about a year, went to work at a mental health center to get the liscensing hours. got burnt out and became a school counselor. but i found a loan and a masters the easiest ans cheapest route to take. you go to school at night until the internship, i worked the first part, then just went to school. don't know if it is anything you could do, but maybe it is something you could think about. i know all about folks thinking you can be a social worker because you have a counseling degree. try explaining it to a deaf 80 year old in the beginning stages of dementia!!
cathy in alabama