Monday, December 11, 2006

Sorrow Ramblings

So I made the Foto Challenge and I decided I would write what is bothering me and what is a dart to my heart right now. China Center for Adoption Affairs (CCAA) has decided on some changes to the international adoption programs. Well, there are several big changes and the one that affects me the most is no longer will singles be allowed to adopt from China. These changes take effect May 1, 2007. If I were paper ready and had a spot to adopt from I would not have an issue but without a full time job, the money to go again, and the spot on an agencies list I can't even think about it.

So in my heart of hearts I wanted to adopt another daughter from China for two reasons. The first is that G and her sister would have similar beginnings and similar experiences. Having someone to share that with would help both girls as they grew up. The second reason is that my heart is deep in China. God is doing something wonderful there and I wanted to be part of it. I hoped that my part would be to raise two daughters from there.

The thing is really that I may never have adopted again but now I don't have the option even if I wanted too. I do want to but wanting to and being able on my own vs. not being allowed to are two different things. When the changes were sent by my agency I was physically sick. I am still when I think of it. I called my mom to tell her of my sorrow and she said, "Well, isn't G enough?" Sometimes my mom and I are on two totally different planets. Then she proceeded to tell me of another family member in crisis which trumped my own grief.

To answer the question, YES, G is enough. However, there will now be children in China left to grow up in orphanages or foster families. However, G will have no one in her family or close circle to share her experience. However, my heart GRIEVES for the Chinese daughter I won't have.


CCAA says there are twice as many adoptive parents as children. To truly understand, there is not a shortage of children just paper ready children. There will be so many children left behind with the new restrictions. I know other countries are open and I will investigate India and VietNam when the time comes. The thing is though, I felt my 2nd daughter was in China. This is one more time I must remind myself that God knows what He is doing even if I don't or even if I don't agree with HIM. It isn't my will but Thine be done. I pray He will help me accept this!!

1 comment:

Leslie said...

Beverly,

I am so so so sorry. You were the FIRST person I thought of this week when I found out. I wondered where you were about a second adoption at this point, and you r post answers that question. I am sorry for you, sorry for Glenys, and sorry for the babies that will be left to grow up in orphanages for China to try to do WHATEVER it is they are trying to do. UUUGGHH!
I completely understand about wanting a sister for Glenys who understands what she has been through and shares a common "thread" because I am having the same feelings for Zoie and feel fairly sure that at some point we may adopt again. Another WC, maybe a 3 year old. I can't believe that sigles can't adopt SN babies either, that is a real shame too. E-mail me sometime...THanks for the Christmas card...Glenys is a doll.

holtzoieli@yahoo.com

Leslie