Friday, January 26, 2007

FFFF Challenge--Profiles

Fun Profiles. Timid G at the pool not sure about what to do. Granddad trying hard to get her to come with him. This was Mother's Day weekend this year.

The other was when my friend came to play and they got all of G's hair bows in her hair at once.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Is it Friday yet?

This week will not end. First being sick and still lingering with a cough and head congestion; no sleep for all night; G fought her demons and me in her sleep; then not once but 2 poopy accidents in the big girl panties at school, no less; last night cinched the week off.

Last night, G and I were singing and dancing to her CD on our way home from my parents and she decides she needs a kleenex. So I swiftly reach my hand in the back seat with said kleenex like all multi-tasking mothers I assume/hope. And she decides that she doesn't want to blow her own nose this time, she wants mommy to do it. Why is it she never wants mommy to do something until mommy can't do it? Anyway, so I reach back to get the kleenex and swerve slightly off the road. No harm no foul except for the State Trooper behind me. Where I picked him up I don't know.

So I pulled over and he came to the window. I had my driver's license and told him what I was doing. I even rolled G's window down for him to see her. Of course I am thinking how bad this is and how just the night before I was thinking about the last ticket I had gotten -January 1, 2005, and how I hadn't had anymore yeah. He asks where I work and I tell him as I hand the license over. So then he asks for the proof of insurance. OH NO.

So I couldn't find it because it was sitting on the dining room pass through with the assessor statement and the title. See since moving to AR, I attempted to get AR tags, but due to the TN insurance suggestion that I not make a change until I sell my house in Memphis; I still have TN tags. But since I attempted to change, I left the proof of ins with the important papers. So he tells me as I waste his time looking for that which is not there, to just wait.

In the meantime, G is telling me how she can't hear her CD, "turn it up," "dance mama," etc. I start bawling and coughing and gagging because I am still sick. We wait forever and I keep telling G to please be quiet and no I won't turn up the CD. He returns with a warning for the swerve and a place to call and fax my proof of insurance to by March 1. He asks me if I am crying because of this and I said, "Yep." It was the last straw, the very last for the week. I had had it. I barely made it home before being sick. G had started saying, "It's okay, mama. Mama, you gonna be okay?"

See he could have fined me for living in AR and not changing tags or license. I have a legit address in AR and TN license and tags. Nothing in my life matches. I didn't call my parents and tell them either. I am grateful it was a warning but could I get a break, PLEASE?

Oh my, what a night, what an evening.

Monday, January 22, 2007


This weeks FFFF Challenge on (still haven't figured out how to link.) is shoes. G has a lot of shoes, A LOT. For someone who came to us barefoot she is also particular about her shoes. She has her favorites and must wears daily. I have my favorites of hers that I have to trick her into wearing. Oh well, I am getting a little taste of age 13, huh?

This first photo is the very first pair of shoes we bought her. My mom found the only pair of squeeky shoes in the Majestic Hotel gift shop. I really liked that gift shop. It was very kid friendly. Anyway, they were way to big so she got to wear them this summer to. The next picture is G's favorite pair of shoes, bar none. They are her "crocs". Of course they are the Pay*less version but that is what she calls them. She wears them with everything, everything. She hates wearing socks with them so I have to hide them on cold days because she doesn't like to wear socks with them. My little fashionista.

Photos of my girl

For the past posts being such downers, here is the light in my life. She was playing in her bathtub. This was one night she chose not to take a shower with me.

Sick Update

Thankfully it isn't the flu. I have a sinus infection. I had to go to the doctor today; mother's orders. After running a temp of 101+ last night and this morning, I really had no choice. Of course I didn't get paid for the day as I saw no kids. The other thing is I still have no money to go to the doctor or buy Rxs.

I took G to school and headed out to the clinic. I told her I was very sick and that I was going to the doctor. Her concern was that I would get a band-aid. She doesn't like band-aids. I told her I would probably get a shot and a band-aid. She started to cry. I told her not to cry for me at all that I would feel so much better after going to the doctor. She told her teacher that, "mama is very sick."

So I was ordered to go and went to a walk in clinic where everybody decided to go. I checked in at 8:40 am and was seen at 12:45 or so. Then after waiting my illness was declared to be a sinus infection with accompanying ear infections. Great. The answer: SINUS COCKTAIL! I love those words.

I came home after dropping off Rxs, ate some oatmeal, and crawled in bed. I felt the meds taking over. It was such a nice sleep. Then my mom stopped in to check on me. I went to sleep about 1:45 ish and mom stopped by at 3:30, scared me to death. I felt that I hadn't been asleep that long. I set the alarm to go pick G up after 5pm. Thankfully, mom agreed to pick her up. I couldn't get out of bed officially until 6pm.

Now that I am up, I cannot cough. I mean it physically hurts to cough. I feel like I ran for a marathon without training. Every muscle in my stomach area hurts. Thankfully, Dad offered to keep G tonight. I am very thankful for that. It will help to have her not in my bed tonight as I have some lovely cough meds with hydrocodone in it. Oh the sweet sound of uninterrupted sleep!!

The only med I have to complete is the Zpack the other meds, cough syrup and a daytime sinus pill I can save. The nurse practitioner said that when I start feeling better I can stop taking the meds other than the Zpack. I told the nurse practitioner that I had started doxicyclene (a generic antibiotic I received when we traveled to China). She actually told me that I can hang on to that script to use for GI problems and skin infections. How cool is that to be told I can hang onto a script, not just that one but several of them?

Anyway, I think now I will live. It is nice to know that.

Sunday, January 21, 2007


Oh I am so sick. I hope it isn't the flu and the aches are just from the way I tried to sleep. I have severe head congestion and aches. My nose is so stopped up and running at the same time. I called my parents to ask them to take G to church this morning. I just couldn't make it. I feel horrible and would feel worse if I got anyone else sick. With G sleeping with me I am sure we are passing the congestion back and forth. We both had the flu shot and I haven't been exposed to anyone with it as far as I know. I was able to eat a sausage pattie this morning so I am thinking it isn't the flu.

G was so glad to see her Grammie and Grandad. She squeeled when she saw them. It was very cute. I was getting her dressed when they got here. I had to push her to eat quickly because honestly we didn't get up in time for her to go but my head started spinning and I got chills so I thought it best to not have her with me this morning. After a nap (hopefully) and church is over I will drive out there to hang out this afternoon.

It really sucks to be broke. It sucks worse to be broke and sick and need to see a doctor. I am sure I need some antibiotics but with no money what good does it do?

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

About her.

When it is time for bed, G does whatever she can to stay awake. Lately, we have been talking more and more about her time in China. She asks me, "What else, Mama?" which means "what else did I do in China?" I tell her how she learned to walk in China and how she was learning to use chop sticks in China and how she met me, grandad and grammie in China.

I talk about her foster mommy because right now I think the foster mom is the most important part of her story. As she grows up and understand a little bit more I will begin to explain about her birth mom and dad. I have no knowledge of a foster dad but highly suspect there was a foster grandad in the home. I could be wrong but her crying in China lead us to believe she cried for him.

Anyhoo, last night was one of those nights and she and I talked about her foster mom. I asked her if she would like to go see her foster mom one time and she said, "no." Then I said that maybe one day we could go visit when she is older and then come home. To that G decided she wanted to go right then. She would be okay to visit, not to stay. She told me that she "no wanna sweep in China anymow." Meaning she isn't going to sleep in China anymore. She asked me what else she did in China; this went on for about an hour. I was so tired but kept trying to think of things she could have done in the 15 months she was there.

She has a white bunny I gave her for Easter that she decided she got in China. I asked her last night who gave it to her and she said her foster mommy. I told her that I gave her that one and her foster mom gave her another one, a pink one. She decided she needed to see that one right then. I told her we would see it after school today. It was another ploy to stay awake.

I had put pink bunny up a long time ago to keep it out of the dog's mouth. I told her she would be grateful to me when she is 20 that I put it up. Then she said, "No, six, mama." Meaning she would be grateful when she is six that I put it up. When I throw out an age that she can do something like wear makeup or drive, she shoots back with an alternative age. Sometimes the new age is to my advantage and sometimes to hers.

Some of her pronunciations of words are soooooo cute. She says lickets for lipstick, kitchens for chickens, elgant for elegant, motherstep for stepmother, Cinerreno for Cinderella, pweese for please, gammie for grammie and gandad for grandad. She has a lot more words that I need to record because I will lose them as she gets older.

I had her wearing a scarf today. She said, "What if I no wike dat scarf?" I told her she would and that it would keep her neck warm. It got to be January weather here today. This weekend it was in the 60s and now it isn't even cracking 30. She still will not wear "glubs". She said, "My bwankie will keep my hands warm." I wrapped her up in it but I would prefer she wear gloves and a hat and scarf in this weather. She doesn't like any of them, even on anyone else.

I had my gloves on and she told me not to touch her hands when I got her out of the car to drop her off. I told her I would touch her face with them and she looked at me and said, "Nooo no mama." She is so particular about the things she does and the way she does things and so funny just in general.

She is truly a joy. Now if I could get the house sold and a better job my life would almost be complete.

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Chinese Candies

When G was in foster care her foster mother bought her candy. This was one thing sent with G. I have not given it out regularly obviously because we couldn't find it in China. I told G that her foster mother bought it for her. Today she picked up a diaper that we got in China and asked me if her foster mother bought that for her too. She is starting to grasp the fact that she hasn't been with me all of her life and that there was another mom-her foster mom.

Okay, I'm ready. Let's go.

Rainy Day Saturday

We just had our neighbors over for some post holiday cookie decorating. G was all about it. M1 and M2 were not quite as enthralled. M1 came over first with her mom and then M2 came with her dad. I don't have permission to post their photos but I will show you G and her creations.

Friday, January 12, 2007

house and other ramblings

So the house is still not sold. I have two prospects: one has a commitment letter for less than the asking price, another is a real estate agent and says he can make the asking price work. I am really stressed about it. No matter what the sale of the house is now I will not be able to pay my parents back with the proceeds. Actually, I am so ill about it when I think of the mess I am currently in, I envision myself banging my head into a wall to relieve the pain.

Now, on to recent rude comments. This not so much about G's Chinese-ness but just about how wrapped up a person can be in his own life I guess. So I saw the mother of a high school friend today we will call the mother, Mrs. R, and the daughter, Miss R. I (with G) saw Miss R at a function in November 2005. I introduced her to Glenys and talked to her about international adoption as well as domestic. Miss R at the time said that if she wasn't blessed with having a bio child she would be fine with the two steps she has. Okay fine, whatever, everyone is not meant to adopt.

Fast forward to today. I saw Mrs. R and she said that her daughter had mentioned that I was planning on adopting a baby and did I ever do it? Now who got that screwed up? Did Miss R not remember meeting G? Here is the other thing. Miss R has a brother that also went to school with me. He has two boys in the same daycare as G. He has also met G and commented on how cute she is. The parents, brother and family go to the same church as my parents. It may not be a big deal really except that even Mrs. R's husband has seen G and talked to me about her.

I just looked at the woman stunned a bit. I said that I had adopted almost 1 1/2 years ago. Whatever!! Just another oblivion!!

Just another day at First Thing

I turned in my billing sheets for the week. I have quite a bit of 1 unit bills, which is 15 mins. Well I am still building rapport with quite a few kids. They are kids. How many kids will let you sit with them for an hour and tell you all of their problems. Mostly they are in school and wish you wouldn't come at all. If away from school, I can't find them. Honestly, until someone is willing to talk to you, you can't make them talk.

I suspect other case managers are either not talking when they are with the kids, lying about how long they are with the kids, or spending an hour, 4 units, doing something but writing it as if it were therapeutic. Maybe it is; maybe it isn't. Anyway, I told the billing lady that you know a 15 year old kid isn't going to sit with me and poor his heart out so getting a 2 unit or more bill on him would be lucky. How ridiculous to think it. Even a 3rd grader or 2nd grader wouldn't do it. I don't bribe with candy to keep them longer with me; can't I am broke.

So I won't make any money and maybe there is something I am supposed to be doing to make a longer time. Plus I have 3 sets of kids (6 kids) with the very same schedule. This means I can only see them at certain times of the day during the very same class so that limits the kids to less than 30 minutes each. 30 mins is 2 units and I can't bill 2 units for 20 mins. I can only bill in 15 min. increments.

I have one kid that the therapist sees 3 days and leaves me only 2. That is 5 times a week this kid is pulled out of class. Even if it is PE that is a long time. I feel very guilty seeing them at school but seeing them at home is difficult when the kids are latch key kids. I don't feel comfortable going to a teen or pre-teen home without the parent or at least an adult not in therapy. Oh and I can't work on holidays or weekends. I really can't imagine that some of the case managers are actually making a living.

I know I am not doing enough on collateral contacts but the company only allows 1 hour a month because of previous abuse. I choose not to do anything right now to bring negative attention to me or my billing practices. I spend a lot of time driving back and forth from one town to another for schools. If I don't have pre-set appts. with the family then I just spin my wheels driving by to see if they are home. I refuse to use my cell phone or home phone to call any client because I don't get reimbursed. I will talk to a therapist if needed but not a family. I also go and write notes at the office instead of at home because I don't want to use my printer ink or paper. Also, e-mailing the reports to myself to print at the office sometimes leaves me very confused as there are over or at least 30 bill notes if I do a good week and see everyone twice.

Also, the only new kid I have on the case load that counts as a person for my load is autistic and can't have case management. I have another two that refuse case management but are counted on my case load. One doesn't even have the correct therapist listed on it.

Just shows my impeccable capability to work at the craziest of places!! One of my two talents.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Shabin' Cweem Queen & her animals

My little girl loves to play in the shaving cream evn in her undies. I don't remember why she stripped down but she prefers being nekkid!!

This photo is some of her stuffed animal collection. These are some of her duplicates. This is truly just a few of them.

Ooooo Blogger

Okay so I had a long post on my 2 only talents but blogger wasn't cooperating so I bring you what happened to my dinner! I made perfectly good pizza toast for me. G had a nice plate of mac 'n cheese, which she asked for and a bowl full of goldfish. She saw my pizza toast and demanded it.

 Here she is saying, "Dis you pizza? I taked it."

Monday, January 08, 2007

First Thing Update

I hate First Thing. It sucks big. I really don't have enough clients to see and all of the driving around I am not making per hour what they claim I am. I can't live on it. I am literally waiting on Feb when I can file my taxes. They will be so screwed up though.

If it weren't for my parents I would lose everything. The bad about that is I am not only in debt to business creditors but to my parents. The house has not sold. I doubt it will. The contract with the agent is up today I think. I have no idea what I am going to do. I will never buy another house again. I will never do it. I will rent this one from my dad forever then I won't have to worry about selling it if I move.

I have no idea what I am going to do. I wish a job would work out in Memphis. I miss Memphis. I miss living there. I know school-wise though we would not have been good. We weren't in the best district for high school.

G has a bad cough and yucky runny nose. There is no fever, though. I started to keep her home today and take her to the doctor. Two things kept me from it other than her having no fever. First was I am too broke to pay the co-pay. Second thing, she heard me calling the doctor and decided to go to school instead. Funny how little she is an how quick her mood changed. She said, "I might cwy?" I said, "Yes, you will cry. They will give you a shot." So she opted for school with Ms. Sarah.

I just wish I saw the end of this very dark tunnel. Yes I could make some cut backs but it would be in outside communication. I don't use my cell for work other than calling the therapists. I never and never will use my cell to call families. I don't want them to have the number, period. I really hope to not have to deal with any of them for much longer.

some more of collecting

These are some of my coffee mugs, paintings and travel books. One mug is of Queen Elizabeth's Jubilee. I traveled in 2002 to visit a friend who lived in London. I was able to travel to Bath and Stonehenge. I loved it. One other is from the Chinese Clay Warrior exhibit in Memphis. Another is from Greece and then the other two are from San Francisco. The paintings and prints are from all over, Italy, Hawaii, San Diego, Amsterdam, Paris, Holland, China, Greece, Canada, Puerto Rico, Honduras and London (both posts).

Friday, January 05, 2007

FFFF Challenge -- Collections

This week's challenge is collections. I have several. First are my Precious Moments but I am not posting photos of that. The fun collections are from my travels. I collect travel books, museum books, art books, coffee mugs, Christmas ornaments and art work (prints or paintings) from places I have been. Here are a few photos of the art work and books.

What G is like

So I thought I would take the time to talk about my precious reason for being-G. She is such a joy and frustration all at the same moment. She is fairly easily distracted when she begins her melt downs, not always but sometimes. She has her grandparents wrapped around her fingers and thus she has mama completely defeated around them (and she knows it).

She loves videos: Barney, Elmo, Richard Scarry, Blues Clues and Cinderella. She loves T-shirts of which we have two that she would wear everyday if she could. She hates: band-aids, boots, tights and gloves on her and on other people. She loves her Care Bears/Cousins and her Ling Ling (mandarin speaking doll). She loves books and being read too. She loves stickers.

She is typical and not typical. She is extremely introverted and takes what seems like forever to warm up in new situations. Large groups of people scare her. New teachers at her daycare send her over the edge. She has an exceptional memory unless she is looking for something like her lickets (chapstick) or purse. When sent to get something, she can overlook it when it is right in front of her face.

She is able now to turn the lights on and off at the house. She is excited about her big girl bed but refuses to sleep in it. She is afraid of the shadow (the shadow from my ceiling fan). She has night terrors and talks in her sleep.

She loves balls of all sizes especially if she can make them bounce all over the house. She gets so excited when she sees a doll or toy that she hasn't seen in a while. She is extremely attached to a fleece blanket (hot pink/purple with lady bugs and daisies on it). She loves playdoh but loves shaving cream more.

She loves to play in the shower or bath water. She loves bubbles. She loves to help do things like wash her hair and body. She uses more soap than necessary but the girl appreciates a good lather.

She is a very simple child at least in her needs and wants. She is very intelligent. She loves to sing and likes to act like a dog and cat. She likes her cats and dog. She likes elephants and pandas (which she calls zooas). The zoo is a lot of fun for her and me.

She speaks in longer than 5 word sentences. She repeats words, phrases, tones, and attitudes from me. She mimics things I do like hands on the hips and some facial expressions. She knows I am supposed to have kaukee (coffee) everyday.

She gets very pensive when I tell her her story. She asks what she did in China. I think she is just trying to understand and process information. She doesn't get sad about her story until I talk about when she met me and hated me for about a week. She gets sad that "that baby no want her mama?" She is very concerned about other's feelings. She is very polite saying "please" and "thank you". She is extremely bossy!!

Like I said, she can be most frustrating at times but she is the most lovely person I have in my life. She is makes my world wonderful and my life worth living.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Referral Time

I just love referral time. I am so extremely jealous of those families receiving them but I really do love seeing all of the babies finding their families. Several blogs I have been following received referrals: Congrats to them and all families who receive the call!

May 23, 2005 was the day that totally changed my life! That was G's referral day. I was at work in the horrid g'mark. It was afternoon. I immediately called my mom and asked her to call my dad and call me back. She didn't. So in frustration I called her back and somehow figured out how to get them all on the same conf. call to tell them both. That was a very frustrating eternity, or seemed like it.

So maybe one day G and I will be waiting for a call to tell us we have a new baby sister/daughter. It truly will take a miracle to do so.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

The failed attempts at the FFFF Challenge

Outtakes of the Friday Family Fun Foto Challenge.

FFFF Challenge Attempt

Okay, I attempted to compete in this week's foto challenge and here is the attempt: Then and Now
The first is the postage size photo received on the front of the referral packet. The other was taken last night with zero cooperation.

Clothes Battle

Well, last year, I bragged (I know I shouldn't have) about how G lets me dress her in anything I want to. We were always complimented on how cute she looked. She was the ultimate G*ap Baby. This year however, G has decided that either one of her two short sleeve t-shirts should be the uniform of choice, everyday!! Oh and no tights nor boots, thank you very much. "Oh, and you, Mama, can't wear boots or panty hose, either."

This morning, the battle bagan. All I ask is that she wear a long sleeve t-shirt underneath the short sleeve one.  I give her two choices, either this long sleeve t-shirt or your t-shirt layered. That is simple, right? Nope, guess again. In her panties only, she begins the melt down and after 5 minutes of discussing the choices, I get fed up and throw the t-shirt I have at her dresser and walk away. Yea, I know very "mature" of me. I know I was wrong. I am working on it. Not to make excuses because there is none, but this is an every morning thing we go through. She has so many nice, cute outfits, so many. Plus it is cold in the morning with highs only in the 50s. Trust me, I don't want her to dress like she is in the North pole, but lets be reasonable, a short sleeve t-shirt, come on.

Well, after my display, G is very compliant and will wear the long sleeve t-shirt. I asked if she is only wearing it because I got mad and she said, "yes." Oh, well, um, okay. I vow, never again. If her shirts are clean, she will get to wear them. I will not make clothes a battle. I refuse to do that. I have to get my angry outbursts under control. I am the grownup, I can do it.

Sorry, baby girl. I promise to be a better mother to you, this year and all the years to come.