Tuesday, April 10, 2007


Okay, motherhood brings out the the best, the worst and the most neurotic in me. For example, when living alone in my home I left doors open all the time. Every room had a door but I never shut it when I was in the room. Now that G is able to shut doors, she sometimes follows me in a room and closes the door. That act of which I never had to think about, causes me such difficult feelings. It absolutely drives me up the wall. I am not even sure why. I don't even know if I could explain it.

The other thing is that (and I had a clue about this) when my things are touched or moved or messed with, I become angry. When I am sitting at my desk and G gets in my lap she tends to want to pick things up on my desk or push things off and around. It absolutely drives me nuts. I did have a clue about this when an ex-boyfriend would come visit; I would instantly put things back as soon as he moved them.

Another thing, photos: I think I have blogged about this before but I dislike having my photos out of order. I also do not like help putting photos into albums. G likes to help, but I do not like the help.

The thing is I know it isn't her. It is totally me and my issues that cause me consternation when she does something like close the door. When we read a book, it drives me nuts for her not to let me get through reading the page before the questions start. I don't like talking about the pictures. I like reading the story. And for the love of all that is good with books, please pay attention to the story if you want me to read the book.

Some of this stuff didn't come out until G came home. I knew about the photos and about my things but not about the closed door or the reading of a story. One more thing is the slowness with which she does things especially if she refuses my help. Now when she tries to refuse my help I will say, "G, one day you will be too big for mommy to help you do "X". Mommy really wants to help you until you are too big for me to." Usually then she relents to let me. Mostly it comes with putting clothing on and off but sometimes it is other things I try to help her with.

There are things that frustrate me as a parent and that is all it is frustrations. But these things are totally OCD neurosis I think. I mean these things wouldn't normally affect the average "josephine mom" like they do me. So know that I realize it; I now step back and re-evaluate my reaction to diffuse whatever it is going on at the moment. Of course with the closed door, I have to open it and then ask G not to do that again.

What has parenting brought out in you that has been a total surprise?


Dirk said...

Two things.

On the one hand frustration that makes me shake in anger and take a timeout so I don't hurt someone by mistake - I never thought I could get so angry, just because a toddler (or usually, two toddlers) don't do what I want them to do.

On the other hand that complete feeling of simply being happy about them being there. It sounds so simple but wasn't something I had experienced before or expected. Just looking at them when they sit there and play. Wow.

searchanddestroytwins.blogspot.com said...

Listen girly,
THANK YOU for opening up and telling it how it 'is'. You are NOT alone. I hate it that no one wants to talk about the frustrations and everyday little natterings. We ALL know you adore and love Glenys dearly and sometimes we just have to let it out and be acknowledged. Well, here we are for you. My blog always tries to focus on the difficult, taboo and things no one really wants to admit. I'm done caring 'bout what the neighbours think. You rock. Keep it real.
BTW, great photo in prior post.