Thursday, May 17, 2007

17th post in Every Day in May

This is G after one of her creative moments with paint. She is talking to my mom, AKA Grammie.

What I heard:

G: Hey, whatcha you doin'?

G: hey gammie, what you wearing?

(never a good conversation starter. An image of my daughter as a young woman working in a less than desirable job flashed quickly in my mind.)

Come to find out my mom was pulling weeds, and the "what are you wearing?" question stems from my daughters fears. If you are pulling weeds in the yard then you typically wear certain items of clothing: gloves and boots, specifically. G is terrified of both.

She is also scared of pantie hose/stockings, scarves or wraps, and band-aids. So G was just making sure Grammie was not wearing anything scary, not that G was going to see her then.

Irrational/rational fears: G has several serious fears that are debilitating to a 3 year old not to mention restricts mom's clothing choices on a daily basis. These are not the normal fears I see in other children her age. I mean what other child do you know that a band-aid would not fix any problem perceived or otherwise? G goes into severe fits about the need for a band-aid on anyone, not just her.

Then there is the shadow. The shadow is formed on my bedroom ceiling from the ceiling fan. This shadow prevents G from moving about the room freely when she is thinking about it or notices it. She also wakes frequently during the night to fight it and ends up kicking the stew out of me.

The thing is I believe there is a true fear that she has no way of communicating because she doesn't have the words. It is also possible that whatever "it" is happened before she had words to attach to it so she has attached this fear to something/some things she can describe. I really wanted to raise her without fears or at least the ability to be rational about them. My grandmother was a very fearful person to the most annoying degree. I see some of that in myself too. I am thankful that I realize it and can deal with it. Now I just need to learn to teach my child how to do the same. I am totally open to suggestions.

It is times like this that I see we are still working on attachment though. She has a security blanket. I don't want to reinforce the actual fear but help her see that there is nothing to be afraid of in the shadow or with band-aids etc. I think a lot will be resolved with age and with her feeling more secure in our relationship.

1 comment:

crazylady said...

wow, living with you must be scary I guess. Seriously, that doesn't sound good. Poor Gleny. For a little girl, she has big fears. So no boots, scarves, gloves,.... don't visit us during the winter.
Have you looked into attachment specialists? I think they deal with stuff like trauma type stuff. As per usual, I'm completely useless for advice other than that.
(I didn't leave you out of the meme for any other reason that to save it for a nasty one!)