Friday, June 29, 2007

So far the strangest comment...

So yesterday at work I was doing some training with some new therapists at "first thing". One of the therapists is older and this is a second (or third) career. These therapists were at my desk completing some of the requirements for computer training and noticed the pics of my girlie. The older one said, "She looks just like you."

Huhn? I said, "Really? Well she shouldn't; she's Chinese. We are no blood relation." Okay, whatever. That bothered me for the area of work this woman is beginning. She is Caucasian and will be working with clients who are not.

She kept trying to find commonalities too which really drove me nuts. I mean I don't want G to look like me. I want her to look like her.

It hit me that she truly thought she was complementing G and me and she had to have something to say. Just say she is cute. Just say how darling. Just say how lucky I am for having her in my life. But don't tell me she looks like me. I know we will reflect facial expressions from each other as she will pick those up from me but she still doesn't look like me and never will, Thank Goodness, for she will be sooo much more beautiful.

Retro Friday

This is me on a cruise with a friend in 2001 after 9/11. I can be striking if I try.

8 facts meme

Kim over at mamasladybug tagged me for an 8 facts meme. I am supposed to list 8 unknown facts about me and then tag 8 people. I am not sure I know 8 bloggers willing to participate but I will give it a shot.

1) I am a bit OCD. I never purchase just one thing when I shop like shampoo, deoderant/antiperspirant, makeup etc. I stock up no matter the cost (credit card). I can't feel that I am going to run out of something.

2) I have one dog and two cats. All are neurotic in their own ways.

3) I am an acne sufferer and have been since before 3rd grade. Pro*ac*tive doesn't work for me. Related to that I have stinky feet even in flip flops. Has something to do with skin not sloughing off properly according to the Prs*ac*tive literatureI read.

4) I love vanilla flavor and white chocolate. I almost love anything with no nutritional value. I love celery and dry egg noodles. I learned to love lettuce on sandwiches because I liked to hear the crunch. If I didn't have lettuce for a sandwich I would put lays potato chips on it.

5) I am the most picky eater. I hate seafood of any kind. I love Asian foods though. I dislike true Mexican foods. I love Greek foods. None of the foods I like were ever made by my mom. I do not have the same food tastes as my immediate family.

6) I hate going to weddings and will not do so unless it is a close relative.

7) I have a useless master's degree and 30 hours toward a doctorate that also would have been useless at least in the field I was pursuing. I prefer computers to people as far as working with them.

8) As I get older the more being in large groups makes me uncomfortable. I don't like parking lots full of cars or being in lines of traffic esp if it is not moving.

I have a list to tag but will have to do so later.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Guess whom we met last night?

DORA THE EXPLORER. Of course we didn't like her at all.

We only like her in the "TB." We don't like her big, therefore no pictures with Dora.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Clouds as seen on the drive home last night...

Pics of the girl

These were taken Sunday afternoon. She was intently working on catching bubbles from the bubble 'chine.

Summer in the Delta

It has been extremely hot here lately. We missed spring completely going from winter to hot August summer over a weekend it seems. Yesterday at noon it was 99 degrees. It made me physically sick driving the 1/2 mile to my house. It is also very humid.

Day before yesterday was also a scorcher so when I picked up G from the daycare I decided to let her play in the sprinkler. Plus I needed to water the front grass. I put her in her swimsuit and off we went. I of course stayed dressed in my work clothes. Our neighbor Mr. Butch was out and he decided to turn on his sprinkler for G too. His is much nicer more of a mister whereas mine is the traditional type. But would not go by herself through any of the water. Needless to say I was pretty soaked when we came back home. I have no pictures obviously but wish I did.

Last night G told me we needed to bring the pool from Grammie's house to our house. I may just go get a small wading pool for her. Problem with that is mosquitoes and animals drinking out of it. Maybe I can find one with a top like the sandbox.

Today is another scorcher. Plus we are supposed to get rain. Problem with that is it won't be enough rain to cool the weather down but will only add more humidity. Literally feels like Guangzhou in July and Aug.


Tuesday, June 26, 2007


I am going through my yahoo group postings for a special "gotcha" anniversary on this blog. What fun to read what I wrote then and compare notes to now. Anyway I am reading up to January 25, 2006. This was at 6 months post Gotcha or Family Day and this is one paragraph from that post:

"She is a typical toddler in all areas. She can throw a mean tantrum(one of which I captured on video last night) one minute and be quite fine the next. She can stay awake no matter how tired she is as long as she keeps moving and will do so especially at bedtime. She is back to co-sleeping with me from start to finish because of her ability to stay awake. Oh and she is extremely bossy!!"

Bold was added by me today. This sleeping thing has been going on a long time. She has an incredible ability to stay awake no matter what. Last night she pulled fake tears on me to try and sleep with me. Since I and she knew she was faking, she did go to sleep and slept all night without disturbance in her own bed. No telling though when she actually fell asleep.

Maybe she will continue this sleeping in her own bed for awhile. Night before last she fell apart and said, "But I will miss you!" all in hysterical tears, real tears.


Monday, June 25, 2007

FFFF Challenge-Cowgirl

This week's challenge is cowgirl. We don't have cowgirl outfits and the pics of G riding the wonder horse are no where to be found. I have printed copies but no scanner. So here is the closest I can get: G riding my cousin's "horsie" (8/2005), with me and a real horse (10/06) and last riding a zebra at the zoo (5/2007).

Happy Birthday Crazylady!!!

Sen is having a birthday today. Happy Birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you smell like a moneky and you live with two!!!

Okay so I am terrible at rhymes. Go give her a big ole smoocheroonie on her special day!!

I *heart* Shutter fly

This is what I made for G. It is a compilation of all of her zoo visits for about a year give or take a few months. It was fun to compile the list and pictures. No the caption isn't particularly captivating but it is G's keepsake and it was free. That was the only reason to do it!!!

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Slow Sunday

Today is a rainy Sunday. We are staying home and enjoying the time together. Earlier we sat on the step and listened to the rain. We were just under enough shelter to not get wet. It is cool outside which is extremely nice since the temps have been in the mid to high 90s. It is hot and humid mostly. Our area is still in drought conditions so any rain we get is wonderful.

We are watching videos/movies. G loves the Richard Scary videos. We have already watched Jungle Book and The Best of Elmo. We have colored and played stickers. We have read many books.

Last night we went to dinner with my parents to a Mexican restaurant in the area. Not my favorite but G really really likes the rice, white cheese dip and lettuce. She is a pretty spicy girl. We don't allow her to have the salsa though because she doesn't understand how to make it stop burning. She won't eat the rice to take away the burn and just cries instead. Found that out the hard way one night.

I have attempted to upload some video but discovered I don't have the DV cord I need. And I am not sure my computer is compatible for a cord even if I purchase one. I may have to take the ole computer in with me to purchase the cord. It is very frustrating to think you have everything you need but then find out you don't. I should be spending the day to organize myself instead I am being lazy ready for a nap.

G wants to type a message:
jhujhhehjehje5jh jegeegtekjgtltgktegkl/getg/ktgketekgekgtetytyy jfrfhrqfh hrfhrqhghghghgqhg rfkrngngvwgkkgkggkgkgkgkkgkngkgkgkgkgkgkggkgkgkjkgjgk ngnjgjngtgtjjgtjtgbjtgjtgjtgjgtjgtjttttjntnjhbbthjnbb ngrngngjngjnjgnnngtngn

She ate cheese and a very few pretzels for lunch. She said she just wanted a snack. Anyway, I am ready for the piddling to stop and us to take a nap.

Friday, June 22, 2007

Pics of my girl

Playing with the shaving cream. She just got silly and started putting it all over her.

Ready for school this morning. You can't really see it but she has a pony tale that is laying on the back of the chair. She is also in a mini skirt that is too big in the waist but we didn't have clean shorts today. She is in her fav. panda shirt.
I love the smiles in all of the pics. Makes last night and this morning sort of worth it. She ended up sleeping with me last night because she had a bad dream and was crying hysterically. The deal was I put her to bed and told her that I would move her after she fell asleep to my bed. Well, I got my shower and did some maintenance things around the room and then headed to check on her. Before I got to her door I heard her. When I opened the door she was wet from sweat and tears. She had cried a dollar bill size spot on her pillow and her blanket was sopping wet from holding it at her mouth as she cried.
I said, "What's wrong?" She said she had a bad dream. Well since she wasn't asleep she really only had a bad imagination. So I relented and allowed her to sleep with me. So as the lights were off I asked her what she dreamed about. She said, "A bad dream." I asked again what this bad dream was about. She said, "It was wheelie not a good dream." So there you have it. Her bad dream was not a good dream.
This morning she woke up before the alarm. I told her I was sleeping until the alarm went off. At 5 mins until, I feel her rubbing my face with her blanket. I woke up very mad, then the alarm went off.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

I don't like to cook either.

For pre- dinner G had a doughnut. For dinner she made herself mac and cheese (did open the containers and pull the hot dish out of the microwave. AND for dessert she had some "washmellos." She drank milk for dinner too. She has to have something nutritious, right?

G likes to give kisses and some times she says, "No you don't gib a kiss onwee I gib a kiss." Then she proceeds to make sure you don't pucker and she kisses you. She has always been a kiss on the lips type of baby, learned in China not from us.

She has been super affectionate tonight. I hope I don't fall for the "your my favorite" and let her weasel her way back to bed with me. I need to sleep.


These were taken the other day at the zoo. I may posted this before.

I'm Here

I have been out of pocket the last two days traveling for work. Traveling is draining no matter how close or far you go. I am not sleeping well but thankfully it isn't because of G. She has been sleeping in her own bed and is doing remarkably well. Me, yea, not so much.

Last night we were both in bed at 8:30pm as we had an early day planned today. I have no idea when I fell asleep actually but I went to bed full of thoughts that refused to let my mind rest. I didn't look at the clock because that is really not good for insomniacs. I did have a late afternoon latte and at one time that would never have affected me personally but I guess with age it does.

I laid in bed last night first thinking of how can I create money to pay the bills I have without a part-time job and without any investment on my part. It is not doable. You can't get blood from a turnip. Since the house didn't sell last year I planned on it selling before July. I haven't been paying taxes either state or federal because I can't afford to right now. I have about $300 short every month. So I had hoped the house would sell and I could start paying taxes in July but July is fast approaching and I still have no offers.

Then my mind raced to thoughts of what would I do if someone came and said G wasn't actually abandoned just lost and the family wants her back. Now I don't know is the answer but the grief the thought caused was extreme. Then I thought about the Korean adoptee who is the gold (I think gold) medalist skier. When he was reunited with his dad on the Opra*h show the real story of his abandonment came out. Low and behold he wasn't abandoned but lost in the market place according to bd. Then I thought well that could be true and when the police were asked about a lost boy there could have been a cover up, you know the "saving face" syndrome predominant in China and some Asian countries. I know America does it too but not to the same extent. Or the boy could have been abandoned but the birth family may have had regrets but then it was too late.

Then I got to thinking about the He's and the Baker's in the fight to take/keep Anna. Sadly, I think the TN supreme court screwed up a big one. Things that are in the court record were over looked and the visa extensions were not taken into consideration. Not to mention that Anna will be one severely messed up, angry, and bitter child if this succeeds. This will be saved for another post. I am more familiar with the case than the normal reader of the news. That is all I will say about that.

Then at some point I fell asleep but the dreams were extremely disturbed. I dreamed during the last amount of sleep that someone was taking my teenaged child, G away because she is Asian and this group of people decided she might shoot up a school you know the VA Tech shooter? Then as I woke up the last dream I had was that I was at the school trying to get people out and the people were not taking it seriously. Other than being sad for the families, I haven't been affected by the VA Tech murders, so it is not clear why it infiltrated my dreams last night.

All night that I actually slept my dreams were disturbed and now the feeling of being disturbed is still lingering and I am very sleepy, not just tired.

But I will leave with one good and one bad G story. Last night, my dad and mom, who had G from day care, brought her home to me. When they were on their way I had called dad's cell to find out where they were. When I called, G had asked dad who was on the phone and asked if I said I missed her because she missed me too. Even though I didn't say that on the phone I told her that yes I had missed her terribly and her smile was precious.

This morning was extremely early for us but started off pretty good. Then things took a turn. Seemed she wanted the opposite of everything I wanted. I was ready to get in the car, but she wanted to stay home. I told her I would pick her up, but she wanted Grammie to.

I told her one more day and we would have a weekend, "YEA!!", but she said, "NO I no wanna weekend." That "NO" got a little bit to me and I told her not to say another thing at all until I pulled into the drive way at school. And she didn't. I told her that I loved her and I was sorry she was grumpy.

She said, "NO I don't wanna be gumpy."

I said, "ME EITHER." I am getting my own taste of the defiant teenager in her third year.

I will work on video but for now pics will have to do.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007


On the need to wash her blankie:

"I jus needda wuv on my bwankie jus a widdle bit."
"We can wash it wader."

On fixing her hair in the morning:

"Oh, my hair is not helping me."

On just about anything she does:

"You dent (didn't) know I could..." or just plain, "You dent know."

On waking in the morning as I come to get her out of bed:

me: "have you been awake long?"
G: "Yes, and you dent come get me."

On anything I won't let her do:

"Well, well, my gammie/dandad will yet (let) me do it."

On me playing on the computer and her wanting to:

G: "I wanna e-mail somebody."
me: "Who do you want to e-mail?"
G: "Gammie, I tell her she my favorite and she my best fwiend."

On going for a walk:

"Can we take a walkin' when we go home?"

On the distance to Grammie's house:

"Gammie wievs a fa fa away." (Grammie lives a far far away.)

On her bear that slept with her last night:

"Mama, come heerow, I wanna show you sumbin'. Dat bear no did bite me."

Okay, I WON the WAR

but I lost several of the mini battles. After I posted I thought I could calm her down by offering to rock her. So I went in her room and told her I would rock her to sleep. She didn't want that; she only wanted to go sleep in my bed. It is amazing how her anger makes her feel so heavy. After much more crying she understood that I would rock her and that was better than sleeping in her own bed. So when she was asleep, I walked her to her room, laid her down, and she popped up crying. So I held her again and with the swaying thing and then attempted to lay her down two more times. She popped up each time with tears. Then when I laid her down for the last time she turned over to go to sleep but as I walked out she cried again asking that I pat her bottom. So I did and she finally went to sleep for good.

Then I crawled in bed at 10pm (1 hour and half after the original time) thinking about the evening and realizing that every time she cried I did something that she asked me to do. Ultimately the goal was to get her to sleep in her own bed so we both would get some sleep. In between it though I would pick her up each time she cried because she didn't want to sleep in her bed. So I guess it stands at 1 major victory--MAMA and all small controlling victories--G. See I knew she was too smart for me.

I was asleep for exactly 1 hour and 1/2 when the storm came through that woke me up. The power had gone off and I woke up when it came back on. All the clocks were blinking 12:00. I was having a good dream of which I can't remember now. The dog and one of the cats were getting hysterical because neither like the storms. So sleep was a wash yesterday totally.

Monday, June 18, 2007

OOO Lawd...

I have something to post now. G is currently hysterical in her room flipping from "mama" to "mommy" and crying uncontrollably. I had let her go to bed with me and warned her that when lights went out she was to be asleep. 25 mins later I start to pull her sippy cup from her and she, with eyes wide open, looks at me and says, "Hey, why you take my sippy cup?" I said, "Why aren't you asleep?"

Then she starts to pitch a fit about wanting me to rub her leg. Well, I had been a little and it was apparently keeping her awake. So since I stopped rubbing her leg, and I am trying to be consistent in the "Do not give in to whining" issue, she kicked me. So I took her to her bed. That was about 20 mins ago. So now we have been awake after lights out for an hour. She is still hysterical and I can't give in. We had done the go to sleep after lights off for 2 nights home and then this.

Oh and she has 6 mosquito bites on her right now so I gave her Benadryl for itching and fast falling asleep about an hour and 15 mins ago. Something is very wrong with this picture.

PITY ME OOOOOHHH PITY ME!! My stomach is literally twisting with every "mama" she utters. I want to make a rule that she can call me "Bev" when she is upset and "mama" when she isn't. Do you think that will work?


Nada, Zip and Zilch.

That is exactly what I have to write about today. Sorry. Seems G and I got back into the bad bedtime routine of staying up too late last night. At least she is going to sleep when the lights are out.

We have now watched Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs at least 3 times. I have to hold my hand over her eyes when the bad parts come on. She even asks about where that "mother-step" is. She told me this morning she was on top of our house. My child has a wonderful imagination.

She got 3 mosquito bites yesterday while playing with the water hose beside the pool. Notice I did not say "while in the pool"? She and Grandad played outside of the pool while I read my book. Poor baby, we did doctor the spots really well but at that time we thought it was only 2 bites. This morning I saw the third bite right at the base of where her suit would be under her arm. No wonder I didn't see it.

Happy belated father's day to all dads everywhere. G's daycare made father's day gifts. G made them for her Grandad. He was super proud.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Wish you were here...

I couldn't resist the title. We were only at my mom's house. G loves her pool but is is lonely being the only one in it. Then for supper, Grammie fixed G Chinese green beans. Grammie didn't believe me when I told her how much she liked them.

G had another pajama day yesterday and didn't take a bath all day. She is now in the tub scrubbing the grime off.

G ate over half the plate of green beans by herself. We got the recipe from our friend Laura and her daughter Grace. Ms. Laura woulds send G home with a ziplock bag of them after dinner. While Ms. Laura would cook them, G would stand around the kitchen begging for another.

DON'T LOOK This is your warning.

So enjoying ourselves at my parents yesterday, the afternoon was interrupted by my dad very excited to show G something in the front yard. So he carries her and I am curious enough to go see. This was sunning itself not even 6 feet from my car and only about 15 feet from their garage. Then Dad touched it and it coiled up at him. I ran to get the camera of course. G went to get Grammie and as I carried G back outside the dumb snake followed us with its eyes like it would strike us. It really didn't need to worry as I wasn't planning on getting any closer. Then Dad, who refused to kill the stupid thing he put gloves on and picked it up. It headed down a hole and he literally had to pull it back out of the hole. He took it off and threw it in a pasture next to the house. He said it was a chicken snake not poisonous. I said that since it was alive it was a bad snake.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Look What I Found...

...out of a mound of dirt piled up from a sewer line behind me, this really pretty sunflower grew. So I took it. It was on the property line and belonged to no one in particular.


This t-shirt G made in class yesterday in VBS (vacation Bible school). G has been so excited every day to bring something home she made from VBS.

She is spending the night with her grammie and grandad so here she is not looking at me but showing me the tattoo on her hand from VBS and holding her suitcase. She pulled it from the closet and packed it. She wheeled it into her class even so Grandad can pick it up with her. She is just such a big girl. It makes me sad and happy all at once.

Success, well sort of

Last night, without much discussion, after bath, G went to bed in her own bed and actually fell asleep. YEA!! Then I couldn't fall asleep. We were both in bed by 8pm. I read for an hour and checked on her about 9pm. I went to bed again and at 10:11pm I heard her cry for me. I checked on her because I didn't turn the monitor on. When I went in she seemed fine but every time I started to leave she would moan. I thought she was asleep then I heard it.

She was sobbing into her pillow. So I walked toward her and asked if she was crying and she said yes. I picked her up and asked if she had a bad dream and she said yes. I asked what she dreamed and all she could say was, "I dream uggy." Well, see earlier we watched Mulan. The Hun character, Shen Yu, scares her. She calls him the ugly man or in G jargon, the "uggy man." I literally have to hold my hands over her eyes when he threatens to come on.

So I this morning she was very proud of herself going to sleep without me talking mean words to her like, "lay still, quit moving, what are you doing?" I just told her we would try again. Tonight though she is staying with the grandparents. She was so excited and packed her suitcase. I gave her clothes to put in or else it would be bears and blankets only. I will post a pic later today.

I have to head to train some people with "First Thing."

Thursday, June 14, 2007

My mother's porch

I meant to post these pics with the porch meme I did. My mom and dad built the house they are currently living in. Initially my mom wanted a porch so she could sit outside and enjoy the evening. The problem with it was the way the porch was included in the house prevented nice evening breezes and in the south in the summer there are mosquitos, horseflies and deer flies. All of which bite. So in the remodeling of the house she did away with the original porch by incorporating it into the living/dining rooms of the house. This was what she created instead.

Sleep update and otherness

G with her most favorite person in the world.

Can you see her smile in the pic. It was hard capturing images of a bouncing child.
G is still managing to stay awake for at least an hour after we go to bed. It doesn't seem to matter if we go to bed early or late. She also ends up in tears from my stern voice. Last night I had it and at 9:50 pm (we were in bed with lights off at 8:51pm, yes I time it) I took her screaming to her bed. 10mins later she was asleep. I read through the screams as I just can't bear to hear her cry so hard and yell for me. At 10:43pm I went to check on the sleeping angel, I covered her up and kissed her telling her how much I love her. At 2:11 am I heard her whimper, "mama." Who could resist. I went to check on her and asked her if she was asleep to which she didn't answer. Then I said, "Do you want to get in mama's bed?" She sat up and grabbed her blanket. She wrapped her arms around me tight, laid her head on my shoulder and held on. We laid down on my bed and she (no kidding) stayed up about an hour (I was too tired to check by then) again. At least she was quiet and not poking on me or saying, "no, ma ma."

This morning she told me, "After I stop crying, I pulled my cover and went to sweep." I said, "I know and I came to check on you and kissed you and told you I loved you." She said, "uh un." She didn't believe me.

I am reading a really good book, "A Tree Grows in Brooklyn." Originally published in 1943 then in 1947 and again but not until 2005. I wonder how. I saw the movie or at least part of it around Christmas then saw the book in something to order at my mom's. I convinced her to get it because it was like $5. I am really enjoying it.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Update on the Dad

My dad had prostate cancer and it was removed on May 1. He returned to work on June 6th full time. He never even did that slow work into full time. He just went and stayed all day. The reason he wasn't in the pool at my uncle's house Friday is because of his surgery or maybe the remnants of it. He still doesn't talk about it and the first thing he does after coming home from a drive is go straight to the potty. He can pick G up in a pinch but still is not supposed to be picking up really heavy things. He used baby diapers instead of the large depends and it isn't at all noticeable. I think it is pretty ingenious and less costly.

All in all he is back in really good health. Mentally he was falling into depression for not being able to do as much as he thought he should be doing as quickly as he wanted. He still is walking to the post office about 1/2 mile from the house even on Saturday morning in the almost 90 degree weather. He has always been lean and always became leaner in the summer months. Literally he plumps up in the winter and loses it in the summer. I think he is too thin but what do I know? I can see my cheeks looking forward. His shoulders, though, look very gaunt and well, bony. He doesn't have a body image of any sort.

So thanks again for the well wishes and good thoughts or prayers.

Monday, June 11, 2007

Weekend Recap

We have been very busy this weekend. G is a water bug but won't put her head in the water yet. She loves the pool. My aunt is visiting from California and when out of town relatives come in there are family reunions. So my dad's brother (my uncle) hosted our family at his house on Friday night. He and his wife have a very nice pool. I don't have a bathing suit and won't probably get one until G and I can start running. So I borrowed a pair of shorts and a t-shirt from my uncle so G could go swimming. She had a blast and didn't want to get out of the water.

My uncle's wife has her brother staying with them temporarily. After the formalities of introductions were over we sat down to supper. G got up from the table and went over to this man and introduced herself to him. Then patted his arm and talked to him. You have to understand this is exceptional for G as she doesn't go to anyone willingly. Mom and I figured out that this man didn't acknowledge her presence. My great-aunt who was also there just wanted to hold G but G wouldn't have anything to do with her. I hope she won't grow up to be a chaser!!

She spent the night with Grammie and Grandad Friday and Saturday night. I came for "beckwest" each morning. Saturday G went from PJs to swim suit to PJs to swim suit all day long. She has awading pool at Grammie's house now. It was nice to sit with her dangling feet in the water Sat.

Sunday we headed down to Mississippi for a M-side family reunion. This is held at my dad's first cousin's house. He is the ultimate grandad. He has a Dora talking kitchen in his living room. He is also the ultimate bachelor thus the decor in his house yells loudly and proudly. He also has a trampoline and a t-ball type practice thing. G loved the trampoline. She had to initially hold Grandad's hand and every now and again she would strike out on her own but stayed close to Grandad.

Before we left she bemoaned the fact that she had not gotten to play with the toys in the house yet. I told her she would have to wait until next year. You see after she warmed up she totally played outside but wasn't ready to go when we did. She is so standoffish except to people who totally ignore her.

When we left my parent's house last night, G fell asleep in the car. I thought I could move her in and get a shower without her waking up. I was wrong. We ended up going to bed, sans shower, at 8:21pm. She fell asleep 1 hour and 45 mins later. I was dying as I didn't get a nap yesterday. I was sooooo tired and she kept herself awake. I was not a happy mom!! Good thing we stared at 8:21 and not 9:21 which is our normal or close to normal bed time.

BTW: I hate, hate going to bed without a shower. I itched and felt gross all night long.

Saturday, June 09, 2007

Tagged for Porch meme by Crazylady

Sadly the house we are living in now doesn't have a porch. It used to but in the rebuilding of it I asked that it be removed to give more space inside. It actually ends up being a catch all room when we walk in the door. The pictures are from this past winter snow and the front of the house. I need to landscape it but alas being broke I don't do much to it. I am planning on getting lilies and some other flowers for the summer for the beds. The other pic is from March with G sitting on the stoop/steps having a picnic playing with bubbles. This was about a month and 20 days from the snow pic.

Friday, June 08, 2007

Bed time Routine

Every night after we brush our teeth we floss as you should. I floss G's teeth with the kid's floss not a string floss.

Some things I really didn't want G to know how to do at this age. My mom on the other hand says let her practice and do for herself.

The problem with that is G thinks she does such a good job that I don't need to go behind her.

Flossing is no exception neither is cleaning the "toyette" or her room. She gets terribly offended if I try to floss her teeth after her attempt.

Anyway, I relented one night and gave her the "hot" floss (mint flavor) that "tastes wike gum, mama." She flossed and then she went and jumped on the bed.

Double Happiness FFFF Challenge- Messy

These are all G getting messy or after getting messy. Shaving cream, pudding paint (vanilla pudding w/food coloring), water color markers, chocolate, and sand are her particular modes of messiness. She actually is a fairly clean eater so I don't have a lot of smushed food face pictures.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

I don't like cleaning the bathroom at all....

Or the real reason I adopted from China.

She even thanked me for allowing her to clean the "toyette."


This is not a word I like to use, and in college I would hear silly girls yelling about being so that I literally had images of bashing their heads into the wall to stop hearing the word. I didn't believe there was a such thing, especially at our age.

I have since learned or experienced otherwise. I have had in the past panic attacks. I am not on meds for them although at one point I did try bu*spar which only made my head spin literally I think. Anyway, this is leading to my realization that I am currently stressed.

When I am stressed, I dream. I dream about past situations where I was stressed. In college I would dream about high school and flunking all of my classes while having teachers laugh in my face (I was an A/B student). In the work world I would dream about high school and not being able to get to my classes. In past awful emotionally damaging job I would dream about high school/college and then about said job. Now I dream about damaging job (hereafter known as dj). Last night I dreamed dj offered me a new position but when I gave them my declarations of schedule, i.e. no working past 5pm, I didn't hear from them again, and instead went to lunch with an ex-coworker of mine and a new co-worker from first thing. First thing is current place of employ where back biting is ensuing.

Now yesterday was an extremely bad day for me and G. At first thing I am discovering new back biting with me at the center. I am being bitten; I am not biting. Last night after work, we all went to church to watch a slide show of my mom's pastor's visit to Israel. Very interesting. G sat with us during the presentation. She was not very cooperative. I had to remove her once as she screamed to high heaven "NOOOO Mamma." That makes you feel good. She wouldn't sit still and had a sucker in her mouth, you know the ones with the stick. She almost fell off the pew twice. Bad images flew through my head of ER visits to pull a sucker out of her throat.

Then as pastor was praying at the end of the service she would not stop talking. Mother told me to take her out. I knew that would have been really bad because she would have affected the whole church not just the rows around us. As we walked out mother gives me the death glare and gives the death glare too. So I left feeling like an extremely great parent, great being the operative word. But here is the kicker, I never calmed back down enough to emotionally be with G the rest of the night. And I am still on edge. I was disappointed in her and in myself and I realized that I wasn't able to give her, well, me. I withheld because I could do no other.

As we were in bed she said, "Mama you forgot to say 'I luv you'." And I did; I just didn't think about it. It isn't that I wanted to be withdrawn, because lawd knows she needed me then more than ever, but I couldn't be anything else. I held her when she asked, but couldn't initiate anything. We still giggled after bath time, but because she started the giggling. Bed time was rough again, she wouldn't go to sleep and was weepy. I couldn't remember to rub her feet or head or anything.

Before bath I cleaned the sink out and washed dishes basically ignoring her but not on purpose. I just couldn't not ignore her. I would look at her but nothing came to me to say to her. I had no feelings it seemed at all. I get weepy thinking of this. I guess the realization is good but damn what the hell do I do with it. Last night would have been really good to have had someone there as in a hubby. Nights like that is when I miss having a counterpart. I miss it on nights when things are extraordinarily good to but generally I am very content single.

I guess this is about my failure last night. I am struggling personally and it is deeply affecting G, thus her uncooperative spirit last night.

*I will leave comments on but I am not looking for sympathy. Just recounting my evening and my failure.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007


Here are some pics of our getting ready for bed last night, or at least G. These were taken with my video camera and the quality is not so good. It has a very slow shutter speed and I can't take consecutive pics quickly. So even though some are blurred they are still okay.

She has learned to comb her hair from watching me. I am trying to teach her to comb her hair the way her hair grows, which is clockwise.

This is my girl on the go.

G loves to look at herself in the camera. This time she said, "Dat Dennis bite me on da pinger." She can't say "Gl" well yet.