I have been out of pocket the last two days traveling for work. Traveling is draining no matter how close or far you go. I am not sleeping well but thankfully it isn't because of G. She has been sleeping in her own bed and is doing remarkably well. Me, yea, not so much.
Last night we were both in bed at 8:30pm as we had an early day planned today. I have no idea when I fell asleep actually but I went to bed full of thoughts that refused to let my mind rest. I didn't look at the clock because that is really not good for insomniacs. I did have a late afternoon latte and at one time that would never have affected me personally but I guess with age it does.
I laid in bed last night first thinking of how can I create money to pay the bills I have without a part-time job and without any investment on my part. It is not doable. You can't get blood from a turnip. Since the house didn't sell last year I planned on it selling before July. I haven't been paying taxes either state or federal because I can't afford to right now. I have about $300 short every month. So I had hoped the house would sell and I could start paying taxes in July but July is fast approaching and I still have no offers.
Then my mind raced to thoughts of what would I do if someone came and said G wasn't actually abandoned just lost and the family wants her back. Now I don't know is the answer but the grief the thought caused was extreme. Then I thought about the Korean adoptee who is the gold (I think gold) medalist skier. When he was reunited with his dad on the Opra*h show the real story of his abandonment came out. Low and behold he wasn't abandoned but lost in the market place according to bd. Then I thought well that could be true and when the police were asked about a lost boy there could have been a cover up, you know the "saving face" syndrome predominant in China and some Asian countries. I know America does it too but not to the same extent. Or the boy could have been abandoned but the birth family may have had regrets but then it was too late.
Then I got to thinking about the He's and the Baker's in the fight to take/keep Anna. Sadly, I think the TN supreme court screwed up a big one. Things that are in the court record were over looked and the visa extensions were not taken into consideration. Not to mention that Anna will be one severely messed up, angry, and bitter child if this succeeds. This will be saved for another post. I am more familiar with the case than the normal reader of the news. That is all I will say about that.
Then at some point I fell asleep but the dreams were extremely disturbed. I dreamed during the last amount of sleep that someone was taking my teenaged child, G away because she is Asian and this group of people decided she might shoot up a school you know the VA Tech shooter? Then as I woke up the last dream I had was that I was at the school trying to get people out and the people were not taking it seriously. Other than being sad for the families, I haven't been affected by the VA Tech murders, so it is not clear why it infiltrated my dreams last night.
All night that I actually slept my dreams were disturbed and now the feeling of being disturbed is still lingering and I am very sleepy, not just tired.
But I will leave with one good and one bad G story. Last night, my dad and mom, who had G from day care, brought her home to me. When they were on their way I had called dad's cell to find out where they were. When I called, G had asked dad who was on the phone and asked if I said I missed her because she missed me too. Even though I didn't say that on the phone I told her that yes I had missed her terribly and her smile was precious.
This morning was extremely early for us but started off pretty good. Then things took a turn. Seemed she wanted the opposite of everything I wanted. I was ready to get in the car, but she wanted to stay home. I told her I would pick her up, but she wanted Grammie to.
I told her one more day and we would have a weekend, "YEA!!", but she said, "NO I no wanna weekend." That "NO" got a little bit to me and I told her not to say another thing at all until I pulled into the drive way at school. And she didn't. I told her that I loved her and I was sorry she was grumpy.
She said, "NO I don't wanna be gumpy."
I said, "ME EITHER." I am getting my own taste of the defiant teenager in her third year.
I will work on video but for now pics will have to do.