Monday, July 09, 2007

That is it. Stick a fork in me...

...I am done!

Seems everything has now turned against me. Even one of my cats attempted a dare devil escape and I had to chase him down, leaving my lunch cooking on the stove (thankfully no fire). The reason dumb cat escaped was because I was outside with petrified-of-storms dog trying to get her to pee. As I opened the door that the cat was standing beside; the dog hesitated just long enough and cat ran out. One of them stepped on my toe and cut right between the middle two toes. That place is just painful to have a cut. But this was actually the least of all the issues.

Letting the dog out of the kennel prior to this caused mass flooding in the kitchen. The dog, out of fear, pushed the kennel floor panel out and moved the kennel about 3 inches. The floor panel missed the cats' water bowl by a mear 2 inches. Whew!! Or I thought until the dog who is now out of the kennel actually trips over the bowel pouring out all 2 quarts of water. That is a lot of water by the way esp. on laminate flooring that isn't supposed to have water directly on it to go between the cracks and soak/stain/mildew the flooring pads underneath. Again, another least of my worries.

My timing is impeccable in case I haven't mentioned it before, it is. I have been watching the price of gas, as I have an SUV, the HORRORS. Well it is paid for. And all last week the gas was sitting at $2.63 when I had no money to put gas in the car, of course. Today, when I have money to actually put gas in the car and I need to do just that, it is $2.77. It never crept up slowly as the pattern has been; literally the price shot up over night. I had filled the car up when it had dropped to $2.67, and a day after that it was down to $2.63, A DAY. I had been watching it when it got to $2.67 thinking it was as low as it was going to go. See, impeccable timing.

That is not the worst of it because there still has been no money paid out just gas needed. Then I received a $55 water bill last week which is due to a toilet that needed an adjustment and has been running non-stop. I didn't realize how much that would actually cost me. I tried to keep it still. We have even been using my bathroom to avoid it. The jump in price is bad, as it had gone from less than $20 to $55, especially when I am broke. And I had an over $100 energy bill with the air staying at 75 in the house. That is pretty hot for our area. Also, I am still paying for water, electricity, gas, rain sewage, and mosquito control at the house I haven't lived in for a year, just so it will sell. Can't let the pipes burst in winter and can't guarantee a sell before winter comes again.

Then I had already decided that since the effing house is not going to sell I would just not pay this month's mortgage and pay what I could next month, using this month's mortgage to some how get ahead of some of the bills. I had already spoken to the realtor who said that one month would not put me in foreclosure and would not necessarily hurt the sell of the still non-selling house.

Then about 3 months ago I received a letter from my current mortgage company that had bought my loan out last year about the time I put the house on the market. The payment remained the same until 3 months ago when current company lowered the payment by over $30. Cool huh? Well, by doing that it caused over $250 deficit in escrow. In order to recoup the escrow deficit the new company is now raising the lowered mortgage over $40 which is more than $10 over the mortgage I was paying when the old company sold the thing which was what I was still paying up until 3 months ago when current company lowered it SCREWING WITH THE ESCROW.

Sadly, it doesn't end there. Last night I discover the washer that is only 7 years new is no longer spinning the water out of my clothes. This morning the cat pisses on the bed. WHY! But I still think the spin cycle part is the only thing not working on the washer. I don't think the whole agitator thingy-ma-jig isn't working; so I put sheets in the washer and attempt to at least get them threw the rinse cycle. NOPE, the whole friggin' agitator thing is out. So sheet sat in detergent water until lunch when the whole cat mess happened and I could rinse/drain the water out of the machine. I still couldn't get the sheets out as the storm came through about that time, you know the whole dog thing. I was going to put them on the plastic jungle gym thing outside to at least dry until the washer was fixed but you know impeccable timing and all.

Now I am not a handy woman in any way shape or form. Not one inch of me can do mechanical things. I would rather work in the yard, pref. not in 90+ heat and 100% humidity, but outside none the less. I had no idea how to fix a toilet or even to explain what was wrong. I have no idea how to fix a washer. I have no money to do either of these things. Oh and the oil needs to be changed on the SUV in about another 300 miles but I haven't even the pittance to get the stuff for dear dad to do so. I let the oil go 3000 over which is not good but you know, no money.

I finally broke down today in my mother's office. Conveniently we work next door to each other. She and dad gave me another large amount of money to help get through the month. The sad thing is it is only a temp fix and I owe them that much more money. It is a huge amount of money I owe them and I will never be able to pay them back although every spare dime I have til I die I will give them.

Because of all the financial stress, I can't sleep. G is doing pretty well sleeping in her own bed. She pitched a big fit last night over her sippy cup of water which coincidentally coincided with the time of my discovering the clothes didn't get spun in the washer. In my anger and high stress, after giving her the water, I told her not to cry the rest of the night as I wasn't even going to attempt to get up. Yeah, I know, mean mommy. On top of the not sleeping I was guilt ridden and missed her desperately.

My whole goal after came home was to spend time with her while making the money I made or close to it at the "psychologically damaging" place. I left that place for flexibility with a promise that if I did what they said to do I could eventually replace my salary. Yeah right. I failed and now I don't trust myself one bit to even attempt something new or different. I am stalled.

Oh and, next year, this not paying taxes thing because technically I am still exempt on the fed side, thanks adoption, I will owe big plus penalties on the state side. For some reason if you sign exempt on fed then you are exempt in state. And at First Thing, I didn't sign a new exempt form within the deadline for 2007 so really the company should be penalizing me and taxing me at the highest rate, but the HR guy is clueless and well paid. Personally, there aren't that many employees, he should have been on top of that one.

Some how it still all comes down to money, doesn't it? No Pity Please. I did this ultimately to my self!


Amy said...

Sorry you are getting hit all at once. I just prayed for the sell of your house. Praise God for parents who can lend you money. I have no wisdom...I do pray you land solid on your feet! Don't get overwhelmed by tomorrow, today is enough...give us today our bread!

kris said...

No pity, just empathy and prayers (BIG ONES) and wishing I could lift even a small portion of this incredible burden- not just the finances, but things just "fallinga apart" that need to be fixed and taken care of to make your life EASIER. I feel for you and fear these days ahead, and wonder so often how I'll hold my head above water.

If you need to vent more, I'm here... email is linked from my blog.