Thursday, August 30, 2007

Bonus of G

Because I know the previous posts photos were extremely scary!!
Oh yes she is throwing her hip out!!

Her "cheese" face ready for school.

Five Fun Fotos Friday-a day early

From G's POV:

A fav toy rediscovered with bottles of vanilla flavor and other stuff.

Mom's v. cool house shoes and the white trash kitchen stand for G to help in the kitchen.

View of the counter and a way too early pic of me this morning sans my face protecting glasses and as G says, with stinky mouth.

The other side of the kitchen, the kitchen table dumping station and the obligatory paper lantern cause you know she is Chinese, culture and all.

Retro Friday-A Day Early

First off let me say I have no scanner and the pics are now actually a bit orange from age. Second this was Christmas, 3rd grade year. A couple of things, the star I loved and now it is mine as my mom has an angel topper, the t-shirt is a Starsky and Hutch t-shirt that is now a pillow. The rocking chair was the one my dad used to rock me in until I could tell him I was asleep and then he would carry me to my bed. It was green plaid. The hair is a growing out Capt and Tennil style from Kindergarten I believe.

Now I am going to let you in on a little secret. I love birthdays. I recently forgot my best friends bday on July 15th. Don't know why, I keep scratching my head trying to figure out how come my selfishness is winning the battle within.

So here is the secret. Tomorrow, I am off work due to the birthday holiday. Nope my day isn't really tomorrow but it happens to fall on a holiday this year so I already get that day off. I am not searching for warm ooeygooeys either. This year I am choosing to celebrate alone with G only. I wish no gifts or recognition from family. I am uncomfortable with attention, did ya guess that?

Anyway it is the big 3-7 bday for me. I really do love my bday!! It also helps to be born in an even year (of the dog) because the older I get the more I forget how old I really am.

A little Freaked out

So the egomaniac that I am, I chose to add the "where're y'all from?" stat counter to my blog. That is all well and good and it lists how many unique computers visit my site from which countries. Cool, I thought, and I will leave it up, but I did for sure freak a little because yesterday I saw three countries that I truly didn't expect to every pop up.

Go ahead and try to guess.

I will wait...

Go on and see then.

You know you want to.

Okay, enough suspense:

Pakistan, Iran, Djibouti (where is this anyway?)

So, I had a moment of anxiety. Why for just these countries? Well, I am not really sure as I don't know any one particularly from any country that is hitting the blog but I guess I just wonder how these 3 people found me (I realize it is public internet domain) but why or what were they looking for that lead them this blog. For a very fleeting moment I pondered PWP. But truly I don't need it as I don't allow anon comments or rather it isn't supposed to so I don't get the troll traffic like others.

So I am glad the visitors stopped by and I hope that there isn't enough information to totally identify me. I realize with ingenuity anyone from any country can find info on the internet to use adversely. I am not saying that these three visitors would do so but our countries are walking a very thin line of cooperation well at least with two of the countries. So I guess that is all.

Welcome one and all even differing opinions. The only opinion I will not allow is if you don't think my girl is the most adorable (well I will concede your child to you will be the most adorable) child in the world. Other than that all opinions welcome from all countries.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

D*amn Sno*w W*hite and her draw*fs!!

So I haven't mentioned with this yet so here it is. G wanted to watch the above mentioned movie (from here on referred to as AMM) Saturday night when we came home from visiting the grandad (as the grammie was on vacay with her sisters.) G is no AMM vir*gin as she has watched AMM several times before. So, hey, why not, we have time.

At one point during the AMM the dog (from here on referred to as Clementine, her name) wanted to start the very fun to her only game of "in-and-out." So at the first Clementine whine to go out, I start to put G down on the floor from my lap, and she flipped out even refusing to put her legs down. She was scared or scarred and maybe a bit of both by the motherstep. I should have at this point turned off AMM and put us both to bed thus stopping the terror and the "in-and-out" game continuing to be played by Clementine.

But shoulda, woulda, coulda, nada. We persevered through the end of the movie and together completed more trips playing the "in-and-out" game with Clementine. By the way, G is heavy when I have to carry her everywhere. Afterward the AMM, we finished our nightly routine and both of us were in bed by 8:45pm.  Pretty good hunh?

So at 12:58 a.m., I hear G on the monitor talking. Having been asleep for almost 3 1/2 hours myself, her talking freaks me out. I get up foggy headed and run in to check on her. My child, sweet child of my dreams, G, has not even been to sleep. She is frightened by the "motherstep" in AMM. But she isn't crying, yet, just tired, so I leave her in her bed returning to mine.

Another, 5 minutes go by as I am listening for the snores and what I hear is the "from silent tears to the loud gasp building into hysterical tears" sob. So I run in there attempting not to knock pics off the walls or trip on something in my extremely sleep deprived self, finally reaching her to hear her say the motherstep was getting her. Needless to say I am not heartless to the tears, and I bring her to my bed telling her in frustrated anger that we will never watch AMM again ever EVER. That by the way brings more tears until we lie down and she immediately falls asleep.

Me however, yup, awake for another 30 to 45 mins. This would be a night in the life if it were just one night. Nope, can't contain the fear to just Sat. night. Last night, at 10:58pm, after being asleep for almost 2 hours, she is crying hysterically. I reach her and she seems to be awake. I find out later that she wasn't awake when I moved her into my bed. Something was getting her but she didn't know what at least that was what she said.

Then in my bed 1:58am she starts crying in pain and kicking her legs. Her leg hurts very badly. I get up to give her meds without realizing she isn't awake fully and she starts choking on her meds. What a way to wake up, huh? Then she looks at me and asks me why she is in my bed. So I get her calmed and finished with her meds. I tell her she had a bad dream and her response is "what was it?" I have no idea baby.

We lie back down but not until after the cat has gotten fully awake wishing to be pet, coming and climbing all over us. I am awake this time for over an hour. This morning we are both tired and oversleep not willing myself to hear the alarm radio.

Can I just say, I hate Sno*w W*hite?

*My attempt at preventing unwanted searches.

Monday, August 27, 2007

More G Conversations

This morning:

Me snapping pictures one after the other.

G: Mama, I told you stop. You messed up my brain.

Saturday playing with Grandad:

Grandad: (as he draws pictures directed by G) Why don't you draw some pictures, G?

G: Well, why don't I watch dis cahrtoon and you jus dwaw it!

Tag-I'm It

You have to post these rules before you give the facts.

1) Players, you must list one fact that is somehow relevant to you life for each letter of your middle name. If you don't have a middle name, use the middle name that you wish you had.

2) When tagged, you need to write your own blog post containing your own middle name facts.

3) At the end of your blog post, you need to choose one person for each letter of your middle name to tag. Don't forget to leave a comment telling them that they're tagged and to read your blog.

Dawn is my middle name. My dad actually chose it as my mom wanted to name me Jane. I really dislike that name, no offense to any Janes out there. Mom would still call me Beverly Jane when she was mad at me.

D-Determined. That also can me stubborn but in a good way. I am that very strong willed and determined.

A-Alone. This is not a bad thing. I am an introvert by nature and do not require a lot of entertainment from others. I try very hard to do different for G's sake but she is an introvert too. I recharge at home alone or with munchkin present. I think this is why I like the blog-o-sphere, I don't have to be in person to be there.

W-Wishing. I wished my life away. As a child I would wish my baby doll would be a real baby. I wished I had magic powers like Bewitched. I wished I could go and do and be all those things in my dreams but I learned later to live instead of wish and now seems I am paying for it.

N-Negative. I am a class half empty kind of person. It is genetic and home bred. I am trying to kick this one but I already see my influence some on G. Admitting it is one step to defeating it right?

Now I choose 4 to participate in this with me:

Kim, Deanna, Amy, and Kate

Friday, August 24, 2007

Yesterday with G

I was able to pick G up an hour early from school yesterday but when I arrived I got a very strange look from her. She explained this easily in front of her teachers even:

"Mama, you made me stop pwaying."

So I got reprimanded from a 3 year old for picking her up in the midst of play time. Gotta love toddlers.

Five Fun Fotos-From G's View

She loves taking pictures of me.

I told her to take some pics of the cats but they wouldn't stand still.

This is the counter and the bottoms of my french press and some tupperware containers.

Retro Friday

I was probably in 2nd grade when this was taken playing on what was left of our swingset. The slide and teetertotter part were long gone. See the cow lick? I still have it.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Conversations with Gl

Me: What is this? (pointing to the letter Q)
G: O with a tag on it.
Me: Yes and what is that O with a tag on it called?
G: Queen G.


Tuesday, August 21, 2007

I so agree!

I stole this from someone's blog. I liked it. It has a great message!!
*Something is happening with blogger. I cannot seem to update and save changes to posts. I have been trying to upload the blog from where I stole this and it is not accepting changes for some reason. Anywhoo, onwards and upwards.

Wow! Where did you all come from?

So you all came out of hiding on that one huh? Okay pity party over for myself and my in ability to adopt again from China.

Now who remembers the movie: The Man Who Went Up a Hil* and Came Down a Mnt? Are you curious as to why I am bringing it up. I enjoyed it, but that isn't why.

Have you ever traced your thoughts from point A to point B after reaching point B and wondering, "How in the helk did I get here?" That happened to me last night. You know the old adage be careful what you put in your mind because it will stay there, recall may be slow but the images are there.

So lying in bed last night the words "Shell Shocked" came to my head regarding a feeling I was attempting to describe and then the image of the boy in the movie who had been shell shocked from WWI. The specific scene was the lightening/thunderstorm. Then I attempted to recall where the image was from and basically replayed the whole movie in my head until the actors names popped up-only Hu*gh Gra*nt's did- and until the name of the movie came up.

Then I thought, "How in the helk did I end up here?" So then I had to retrace the steps before I fell asleep or it would bother me all night long, and I am already not sleeping well.

Of course the thought has now occurred to me that I may be the only one who does this; so if I am ignore me or humor me and tell me about your last "how in the helk did I get here" thought.

*attempting to stop searches.

Monday, August 20, 2007

Oh and...**Updated**

G moved up into the next oldest room today. I was not happy because I am not sure I like the teacher. She is whiny. But G was very excited even rolling her eyes at me as she told me how excited she was about her new teacher. Kind of like, "Oh Mother." I am not ready for the eye roll thing. She said, "Well, I am weady to move to Ms. C's cwass." Okay grown up girl.

I will be excited to see how she did because it is a different schedule even if it is next door to my favorite teacher Ms. S.

**G had a wonderful day and got to be the "Line Leader" doing a wonderful job even. Teacher just gushed and gushed about how well G did. I am sure it was to appease me the evil mom.

Okay, Something is really bothering me

I have to share or at least get this off my chest. First off please understand that I am not judging a person for a decision being made. I am concerned about the implications of the decision and the implied statement it makes about adoption.

On another blog, a single mom who is LID in China has decided to marry which is not a big deal, really. The thing is though that they have decided to have a child of their own. She has pulled her dossier from China because of this marriage and of the wait. So I guess my beef is: as long as a person is single then China adoption is fine but if you marry you should have your "own" children.

Why didn't she keep it there, adopt this little girl as their own and still try for a bio if they wanted. It would take an updated home study to include new hubby. I guess what really chaps me is that after May1, no single may apply for a spot for China and now this person wasted, WASTED, this spot; taking it away from a single person who could have adopted.

Singles were already limited by number. She offered all of her gifts back to the original gift givers which I suppose was kind; but honestly who is going to request it back? She even has a name for the Chinese daughter that she no longer wants.

I guess I feel betrayed because I had hoped to adopt and I know others who wished to do so but didn't get a spot and here is one spot now given up and now there will be a child left? Am I wrong to feel so? I don't know this person except through what she has written. I am happy for her marriage but the nagging question is whether this new hubby-to-be caused her to re-think adoption. It takes a very secure man to truly feel connected to a child not of his loins, and some women too. Couldn't this Chinese daughter have been theirs together?

I have been mulling this post over since I saw this person's blog entry over 3 days ago. I will not link to it because I am not sure this post is about her or about my feeling of betrayal by another potential single China mom. I guess I feel she said China is not good enough for a married girl but is for a single. Some how I feel her decision discounts single adopters at the same time giving credence to China's decision to exclude us.

I know I know-grow up-it isn't about me. It is about the children.

Just wait 10 mins and the weather will change

I don't even remember what set her off. But true to form she had to go to the mirror to watch herself cry. Then ten mins later after "helping" me with "that coffee and this coffee" she was fine.

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Weekend with friends

Very apprehensive at first.

In a few more years, this may give me a heart attack.

Busy weekend at Chez Moore. We went to play with our old neighbor S and his mom. It was a very fun time. G and S play very well together and were so excited to see each other, but when they finally got face to face, they both had to overcome serious shyness. S is from April to November younger than G, but he has out grown her already.

G was pretty jealous of S and of my comments of S being "silly." But S, the perfect gentleman, shared with G and picked out the perfect lunch of hotdogs, cheetos and sprite. Mama even got to visit with little worries until the silence became apparent.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Retro Friday

I may have posted this one before as I don't remember. I am running out of pre-downloaded retro pics. This was less than 8 years ago on a cruise with a friend. I was dying for a latte so this is the lobby cafe or something like that.


Friday 5 Fun Fotos

Grandad at our house.
The lion statue from the side.
Mommy at the rino statue.

Chinese Chickens.

Amy hosts a wonderful challenge and that is to give your kid/s the camera and let them capture life from their point of view. Here is G's pics from last Saturday with Grammie and Grandad.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Lots of Crap going on Not much time to write!

This is G and her favorite person riding the merry-go-round at the zoo Sat. They had the thing all to themselves and it was free.

I have been so extremely busy and stressed at work I have barely had time to turn around twice much less stop by every blog I like. My morning routine of blog hopping has been eclipsed by actual work and I am tired when I go home.

Giving blood only gave me a little bit of a jump start but not a lasting bit of energy. I am so tired everyday that I am not able to give G much quality time but she does get my time it is just not quality.

This weekend we plan on going to visit our old neighbors on Saturday morning. The grandparents are going out of town so we will be alone. That is good and bad. We will need the diversion of our old neighbors. She will be thrilled to know she is getting to go too.

She spent the night with Grammie and Grandad last night so since she has btdt she won't see them again until Tuesday. That will be hard for her as she has a three year old grasp of days of the week.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Pics of the Girl--Tuesday, August 14, 2007

This morning after helping me fix my coffee. She just looks so grown up!! She wanted a pony tail on the top of her head. Well, it is a little off center and not quite on top.

Pics of the Girl--Monday, August 13, 2007

I just love her "dog ears." Her hair is really getting long, just not thick.

Pics of the Girl--Saturday at the zoo

G wanted her Grammie and Grandad to have pics taken with her in her spot at the zoo. Then she would hold their hands and swing on their arms. She is the one doing it. They are only support.

Pics of the girl--Saturday, August 11, 2007

Helping Grandad clean out under Grammie's fridge. This made her "too tired."

Pics of the girl-Thursday, August 9, 2007

DJA Miss Me?

No, so you may not have noticed I have been MIA this last weekend and yesterday, huh? Well, I have been hijacked by non-internet loving people which made it difficult to post. I have been forced out of my natural habitat of my chair and computer into more uncomfortable settings without fast access.

Actually, well, actually it is sort of true. This weekend G and I hung out with my parents and even went to the zoo Saturday night for a members night. Cost=gas to get there and mom decided we had to eat at a Mexican place afterward. G loves the white cheese dip and rice. She even ate quite a bit of quesadilla. She was also a little concerned that I might eat the rest of the cheese dip so she kept asking if she was ready for more based on how full her bowl was.

Then Sunday night we went to a reception at my parents church (after church) which was sort of fun. Very filling, they are Southern Baptists. Receptions and funerals, the food and fanfare truly come out.

Monday I had to travel with two of my supervisors at First Thing which is a post in and of itself. So today is the first day I am able to post. I have some spectacular pics of the girl too. My goodness she is growing up too fast.

Friday, August 10, 2007

Retro Friday

1988 Prom night. this pic was taken in my grandmother's home where she would take everybodies picture. By the way I take some of G's pics in the same spot just a different door in place now.

Geeky me! Loved the red dress and I still have it.

Friday's Fun Fotos

Amy hosts a very fun Friday challenge to give the kids a time to shine. So here is G's 5 photos from her point of view.

Thursday, August 09, 2007

WTF-First Thing

I haven't updated the first thing job in a while so here goes. Apparently, I am having an affair with an African American single mom who also works here. Also, I am a snob and will only have something to do with this one person. Also, I have her picture on my desk thus verifying the affair rumor.

Well, a couple of things about that, I am a snob because I don't really care for people anyway. Second, I am not having an affair with anyone, period. I also didn't ask for the picture; I was given it.
What else was I going to do with this picture? Oh and I have several G pictures too.

This mom by the way adopted her son as a single person out of the foster care system in the US. We have some things in common and my daughter likes her son, "best friend boy." And when is it a crime to not speak to people? How many times a day must I say hello to you when I see you?

If I have nothing in common with you other than working together, why would you wish to socialize with me? Why do I need to know or meet your whole family? If I don't volunteer info to you it is because I don't want you in my life.

I have enough sht going on that I don't need this too. Mainly one of the people saying this is mad at me for not signing up to bring food to a going away lunch and for not participating in the birthday month lunches. I don't have enough money to feed anyone other than my child and right now that is a stretch. I go home for lunch and that is all I have said about that. Don't celebrate my birthday, I don't want you to.

One person who also feels this way is like 15 years younger than me and a newlywed. I have nothing in common with this person. She doesn't even know the music I grew up on.

Just now I pissed another someone off for refusing ice cream. If I don't accept food from you, that apparently makes me a snob. Things like this being said causes me to go more underground not come out. See I really like computers more than people and this is why!!

Really all I can say is a big fat Bite Me all "First Thing."

Clean Up

So we have had a marriage proposal future contract, sort of, already for G due to her wonderful behavior in church, he he. She is good during church but I still sometimes miss a lot of the message dealing with her. We have been attending the Methodist church that is within walking distance and we do walk even on the hot days. Did I mention that heat index is around 110?

We have a heat advisory that began yesterday and is running through tonight at 8pm. Plus, I think it is too hot for the mosquitos as I haven't seen any but we have been spending quite the time inside too.

G's daycare had a visit from the "fweece" on Tuesday. Any one guess? I will let you. Maybe will even send a signed "ark work" to the winner. She brought home some exciting things. And her hair color is "blake." Either this is a direct result of public education or the teacher was distracted by the kid named, Blake. I hope it is the latter although there have been other severe misspellings.

Tomorrow is water day. How fun? I won't be out of town for this one either so I think I will take my trusty camera and my lunch hour to visit and participate. Yee-haw!

G is an extremely bright child and truly a joy when I don't let my OCD get to me to see her as annoying (like putting the king in the floor and all). She has started asking who is going to pick her up from daycare each day. Typically on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Fridays my dad picks her up and I get the other two days. This week we had a special day on Monday when my mom decided to do it but not before I had told G I would do it. Of course Monday night she asked why her grammie picked her up.

So she is asking and I am not sure why. I wonder if it is attachment related or some sort of worry that she is going to be forgotten. She has never been forgotten. It just is interesting to me. She does enjoy routine and really needs to have things done the same way or at least to know. When she is tired doing something different will cause a melt down but not always. For her being so creative in other areas it surprises me the need for such consistency.

Every morning after I let the dog outside right after we get out of bed, G tells me that "you haven't hold me a yong day." Which translate to pick me up. But when I do that she then tells me that my mouth is "stinky." Oh the honesty of a child.

At "first thing" this morning, after I had just gotten logged into the computer, a co-worker came in and told me I looked really tired and asked if I had a rough night. huh? I of course had not a clue I looked so tired. I just said that I had not had a rough night nor a bad morning. So between having a stinky mouth and a tired face I am doing really good and am ready to prowl, rowr!!

Weekend recap (very late)

So this past weekend we attended a 3rd birthday party for one of our travel mates. She is sweet and now has an older brother also from China. Anyhoo, it was quite a drive so I left in time to give G a nap in the car. She decides to sleep only 20 mins when it should have been at least an 1 hour. It was a themed party, Princess, "come dressed as your fav Princess."

Yea, whatever. We have two of the outfits, a brand new still in the box Cinde*rella and a very used Sno*w White. My child however didn't wish to dress up. I told her that was fine but that we were saving the brand new one for Halloween and she could not just play with it until then. besides it is still too big.

So we get to the party and little miss does not participate in anything not even the candy pick up from the pinata. She would not even let me take her picture by the di*sney princess posters because in her words, "I not dressed up." She did wear her Cinde*rella shirt but that wasn't good enough. Oh my. The other mother's commented on how clingy and shy G was/is. I don't know how to break it. To some extent I am glad she is introverted but on the other hand it gets really old.
We brought her camera to the party and she would only take pictures of me. That got old too. The mom and some of her friends are all hair stylists with cute cuts etc and here I come with badly done braids. So besides my introverted child and I am introverted too I am sure they had a discussion on my family.

She received some really cool party favors though and two of them were a "king" and scepter that lit up. G calls a crown a "king." So she gets home with them, turns them both on and lays them side by side in the middle of the kitchen floor. Do you see where I am going with this?

She does this at least 3 different times Saturday through Sunday and I stepped on the "king." At that point I literally lost my marbles. I was attempting to fix dinner Sunday and walked across the kitchen to get something that was forgotten when I stepped on the d*ang thang. I just lost it. She of course blamed me for breaking her "king." It was a bit too tight anyway so she really couldn't wear it but in the middle of the friggin floor, Puh leeez.

So needless to say I felt really guilty and still managed to get dinner fixed without breaking anything else. I hate that I hurt her spirit when I yelled but it took me a minute to calm down. I hate that too. Oh the joys of 24/7 solo parenting.