I have to share or at least get this off my chest. First off please understand that I am not judging a person for a decision being made. I am concerned about the implications of the decision and the implied statement it makes about adoption.
On another blog, a single mom who is LID in China has decided to marry which is not a big deal, really. The thing is though that they have decided to have a child of their own. She has pulled her dossier from China because of this marriage and of the wait. So I guess my beef is: as long as a person is single then China adoption is fine but if you marry you should have your "own" children.
Why didn't she keep it there, adopt this little girl as their own and still try for a bio if they wanted. It would take an updated home study to include new hubby. I guess what really chaps me is that after May1, no single may apply for a spot for China and now this person wasted, WASTED, this spot; taking it away from a single person who could have adopted.
Singles were already limited by number. She offered all of her gifts back to the original gift givers which I suppose was kind; but honestly who is going to request it back? She even has a name for the Chinese daughter that she no longer wants.
I guess I feel betrayed because I had hoped to adopt and I know others who wished to do so but didn't get a spot and here is one spot now given up and now there will be a child left? Am I wrong to feel so? I don't know this person except through what she has written. I am happy for her marriage but the nagging question is whether this new hubby-to-be caused her to re-think adoption. It takes a very secure man to truly feel connected to a child not of his loins, and some women too. Couldn't this Chinese daughter have been theirs together?
I have been mulling this post over since I saw this person's blog entry over 3 days ago. I will not link to it because I am not sure this post is about her or about my feeling of betrayal by another potential single China mom. I guess I feel she said China is not good enough for a married girl but is for a single. Some how I feel her decision discounts single adopters at the same time giving credence to China's decision to exclude us.
I know I know-grow up-it isn't about me. It is about the children.