Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Well the revisit is technically over

The next time I posted after being home was August 8th. It basically recapped the last night and the flight with some of our sleep issues. One thing I will remember that is not good is our flight. I purchased 4 seats for the return but they got split to two and two. Of course had G bonded to me that would have been okay since I attempted to give my parents the exit row with us in the bulkhead. As it was G had bonded to dad and would not let him go so he and she and mom sat in the bulk head in two seats and I had two seats alone at the exit. I was miserable. Also the flight attendants did not give G her food purchased with the seat. I had to fight grumpy flight attendants the whole flight from Tokyo not to mention most of the flights were delayed.

Also, Dad wanted my mom to help him with G not me the mother of the child. I felt like an older sibling along for the ride and felt totally left out of her life. The emotions are still very raw and sometimes I am still put in that position of older sibling to my child. It is a very fine line to walk between being a single mom and a daughter with involved parents. I fail mostly and slip too easily into the daughter role. Also, due to the current indebtedness of my financial situation I sadly am the daughter not a fully functioning mom. There will be a light at the end of this dark tunnel but it will be a long road ahead.

I have to say, there is a lot I would do differently about the trip and one of those would be to explore on my own if necessary. I would have purchased more things esp. those thing that I was afraid would not have made it home okay but probably would have. I would have gotten many more things from Guangxi Prov esp Guilin.

I would def not stress over whether a less than 2 year old liked me. I also would not worry about the tears in order to stop them. Tears sometimes are very good and very cathartic. Sometimes the tears helps you move forward. Yes it is hard to listen to a baby cry and grieve but it is necessary. It is easy to say this being a BTDT but looking back with my perfect 20/20 hindsight glasses I think I can hold to what I am writing now.

1 comment:

theghelertertwins.blogspot.com said...

Yes, as someone who has BTDT the tears are a way of healing. Not just for the babies, but for ourselves too. We had to figure it out all by ourselves. We decided not to take anyone with us as we wanted it to be our time with our daughters. I so loved every minute of it. Looking back on it I still find myself smiling. UNTIL I remember the horrific plane ride home.......