I have a very opinionated child. I have a child who hangs onto ideas and thoughts like a vice. I have a child who has decided she wants a new mommy. Yes you read that right. She has been talking about getting a new mommy since Monday. So at first I played along with it, and told her we would look for her a new mommy, but we couldn't do it until Tuesday when I picked her up from school (she spent Monday night with the grandparents).
So Tuesday we went to dinner with some of our friends and a visitor from out of state (I will blog on that next), and G announced she wants a new mommy. I told her to pick one from the table. Well she said she wanted one just like me. Then she relented because everyone was looking at her, and said she didn't want one.
So then in bed last night she brings it up again and this time I decide to ask why she wanted a new mommy and where would she get one. She told me we would go in the parking lot, and she would see a young lady and a sister and she would like them. I asked what would this mother do for her. She told me she would let her type on her computer and play with play doh at her house. I asked where would this new mother live. G said, "In a orphange, but not in China. At her home fa fa away." I asked her if she would forget me and she said yes.
So here is the thing, she has done this twice before. She has lost her first mommy and her foster mommy and forgotten them both. She has gone to live far far way from her foster mommy. So I am feeling a little sad about her losses. She tells me she wants a mommy "just wike you." I told her she couldn't have one like me because I am one of a kind. I also reminded her that she wouldn't have her grandad and grammie with a new mommy.
I asked her who else wanted a new mommy thinking maybe she got this at school and she told me M wants a new mommy. Okay so I know this kid doesn't want a new mommy and said so. G said, "Yes I want her to have a new mommy."
She told me she would even sleep in her own bed at her new mommy's house (yea right). She said she wanted all of her stuff at her new mommy's home. I told her it makes me very sad to talk about that and that I wouldn't want another daughter because I want her as my daughter. Then she decided she didn't want a new mommy either. I said, "good lets not talk about this anymore because it makes me too sad."
So this morning she asks me what day it is and I tell her Thursday. She says, "Yay! I get to find a new mommy." I told her I didn't want to talk about it this morning. I mean let me have coffee first.
Now yesterday morning when she wanted to wear her hot pink flip flops to school, and we couldn't find them. She wanted a new mommy because I wouldn't stop what I was doing to find them right then. We found the flops in her floor of blankets last night.
Oh and I so don't mind talking about her foster mom or her first mom or adoption in general or specifically about her story. Those things, although they make me sad, they do not make me sad enough not to discuss it with her. I will never tell her it makes me sad to make her not want to talk about it. I want her to verbalize her experience and how adoption affects her.
Oh and before I get any strange comments let me say, this is still not RAD. I think she is verbalizing what has happened in the past in a not fully understood way. I think she is still trying to figure out all about her differences and alike-nesses to us, her family. I think she is 3 1/5. She also told me she was going to be 6 and 8 then 2 on her next birthday. I think in her 3 year old way she is looking for reasons that we are a family and trying to make sense of it.
I also remember as a child (probably not 3) wanting a new mom and dad and thinking how cool it would be to have my friends parents as mine. So I figure we will have several years of this wanting new mom thing I just didn't want it to start this early.