Thursday, April 24, 2008

Assvice Please!

But remember I may or may not take it and that is purely my call. I am not by nature confrontational (I know, go figure). Also this person has my child during the day and I don't always see her when I pick up/drop off at daycare.

G was talking last night and told me she watched a princess movie that hurt her feelings. But she can't remember what the movie was, which princess it was and what part hurt her feelings. So I asked if she went to see Ms. C about it and G said, "Ms. C telled me, 'There isn't anyone here to take care of you, we aren't your parents.'"

Now, first thing to know is that G said the sentence clearly, without mispronounced words and very matter of fact. So, I suspect that Ms. C said it just as G repeated it to me. G said she wasn't laughing when she said it and that she had another child in her lap. G told me that it didn't hurt her feelings but the fact that she repeated the phrase so clearly means it registered something.

I have had an experience like that where an adult in a caring role said a harmful phrase to me and that has been with me 33 years. Waking up from tonsillectomy crying a nurse picked me up, held me close and said, "If you don't stop crying, you'll never get to see your mommy again." I was barely 5.


So, should I mention it to the director in order that she may train these teachers that sometimes phrases could harm without intention or let it go. I did tell G that she was right in that she is not G's mom, I am. But I also said she is paid to take care of G while I am at work. And this isn't the first time I have had to confront this teacher about something. I am always afraid of retribution against my child but I also don't want G to carry comments said flippantly around with her for 30+ years.

11 comments:

Kerri said...

That's a hard call with the fear of retribution. Still, what are you paying them for if not to take care of your daughter. For her to say that is horrible (same goes for your hideous nurse) so I do think I would say something because if she's said it once, what else along the same lines will she say to Glenys and other kiddos. Ugh!
Kerri and Ruby

The Byrd Family said...

Gasp! Those are both horrible things to say to a child.

I'm going to pray about it and we all need to pray for this woman.

Wendy said...

Yikes! If it were me, I would probably say something to the director in passing (or maybe even an email??), knowing full well that it will get back to the teacher, who will probably deny ever having said it. But...that teacher will know not to say things like that to Glenys or any other child, for that matter.

But then, I'm one to talk. I've had a couple of similar issues with my kiddo recently, and I took the chicken route and let it go. Our situation is a little different in that we are just there for preschool and we only have a few weeks left. I'm just watching things like a hawk.

JoAnn in NJ said...

Aw Bev,
That's an awful place to be in! That woman is SCREWED up on 2 counts...
First of all, SHE is paid to take care of Glenys! Secondly, when she said "your parents aren't here..." it was a slam on your family! That "teacher" knows you're a single mom.

I would speak with the Director, as this doesn't seem to be a private daycare (meaning a one woman show!) and let her know your concerns...every child should be made to feel safe and secure in their surroundings...this is why we ARE parents!

Even if she denies it, I'm sure she'll think twice before saying something again with this out in the open!

And the nurse who took care of you is probably dust and bones and very very warm as I write this! What a terrible thing to say to a scared and in pain little girl!

Dawn said...

I would say you should say something to the teacher, but, since you said you've had to confront her several times before, she obviously has a few problems, so I would go to the director. When you talk to the director tell her that this isn't the first issue with this particular teacher.

I will admit that sometimes in the past I've let things go and not confronted it when something happened to one of my kids and I didn't think it was something major, but the longer I am a parent the braver I get about speaking up about things that bother me.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

laurel said...

That is so sad. I am not sure what I would do either. That is a tough one. I am sure what ever you do it will be right for your daughter.

Donna said...

I would talk to the teacher and/or director. It puts the teacher on notice that Glenys is articulate enough to report this kind of stuff to you so hopefully the teacher will cease and desist. It's inexcusable to talk to a child like that.

Susan said...

I would talk to the teacher directly first, but you can do it in a non-confrontational way by asking her about the movie. What movie did they watch? Does she know why Glenys was upset by it? Get into a discussion about that aspect first, approaching it from the point of view that the two of you are a team wanting the best for Glenys. Then you can tell her that Glenys was also hurt when she went to the teacher for help. Ask the teacher what happened, and tell her what Glenys told you. I'm sure the teacher won't admit to saying such a horrible thing to Glenys, but at least you'll give her a chance to give her "side" of the story (although I can't imagine what it might be).

Then I would talk to the director, especially if you have had other concerns, too. But when you do that you can say you have talked to the teacher and are dissatisfied with her response (if that's the case).

Let us know what happens! It's always difficult to confront people, but I've found that I almost always feel better after I do.

Susan said...

I would talk to the teacher directly first, but you can do it in a non-confrontational way by asking her about the movie. What movie did they watch? Does she know why Glenys was upset by it? Get into a discussion about that aspect first, approaching it from the point of view that the two of you are a team wanting the best for Glenys. Then you can tell her that Glenys was also hurt when she went to the teacher for help. Ask the teacher what happened, and tell her what Glenys told you. I'm sure the teacher won't admit to saying such a horrible thing to Glenys, but at least you'll give her a chance to give her "side" of the story (although I can't imagine what it might be).

Then I would talk to the director, especially if you have had other concerns, too. But when you do that you can say you have talked to the teacher and are dissatisfied with her response (if that's the case).

Let us know what happens! It's always difficult to confront people, but I've found that I almost always feel better after I do.

Susan said...

Gee, I guess my "assvice" is so good I felt I had to post it twice . . . sorry for the duplication!

AZMom said...

I've been there and done that. I would speak to the director for sure.

Yes, I know you've updated since this and I finally found the post but those are my thoughts. :-)

Big hugs!!