Friday, June 20, 2008

Oh Yeah, Smack Down- Mommy Guilt

First some really pretty pics of my girl in her lickets from this morning. It helps to see how cute she is when things like last night happen.

So she gets mad at me last night and honestly I don't remember what I did the first time. So she kicks a pillow off the bed. Then she cries for me to go get it and I tell her "no" and keep reading. So then she escalates and can't hear the story. She asks me to read the page again so I told her I would read it one more time then move on. Well, the it became a battle of the wills. She, still crying, didn't hear the second go round. So she asks, begs really, for me to read it again. I hold firm and there is a stand still. Well, a sit still as I am still and she is jumping and very overly dramatic in her tears and fit. This goes on for 30 mins. We finally get through Sagwa and get her down with the lights off.

Then she starts screaming about not wanting to go to water day today and wanting to stay home with "somebody." So I try to explain that I can't stay home but then I give up and tell her that I will make sure she doesn't get to participate in waterday. Well that sets tears off because she wants to go to waterday until I say okay then she doesn't again. Then she said, sobbing, "Ebry body else's mommy picks dem up early and you don't eber pick me up early." OOOO JAB with a curled knife and pulled back out making huge tears in my heart. I almost cried but wasn't wanting a stopped up nose.

Now you might be impressed that I have kept my cool through all this; except that, I, of course, did not keep my cool since it was 10:31pm or later when this rage/fit started. Oh and she fixates and won't listen. She also refuses to make eye contact, doesn't want to be held.

I think and have always believed that we are somewhere on the RAD continuum, very low though. Even if you lived with us, you would not see it, but that is more a function of her personality being introverted. She doesn't "mother shop," well, anymore, because she has appropriate stranger danger. (Although she did hold a police officer's hand this morning as we were all walking in and dropping kids off together.) But some of the other stuff is there and holding and eye contact is on her terms or not at all, most always.

But the thing is when she rages or gets in fits she is trying to make me do something. It becomes all about control which makes me dig my heals in because once a battle starts I have to win. I think it was a draw last night though. I was so tired I couldn't fight which make me really mad at myself. I told her that as soon as the alarm went off she would be getting out of bed and better be in a good mood. We got less than 6 hours sleep. I am hurting.

So this morning I told her there would be dinner and bed, no playing on the computer, no playing outside, no playing anything. Just dinner then going to bed because of her fit last night. We have a busy day planned tomorrow with a FCC family, and I want no fits!

Yesterday morning as I was climbing out of bed my first thought to motivate me was "Gah, this is Thursday, only 2 more days." By the end of this week it is ugly, I could close my eyes and be out right now. I am exhausted physically and mentally. Hopefully this weekend will refresh us both for the next week where we do it all over again!


Tasha said...

I like how you keep firm.. even if it feels like you are being stretched through one of those medieval torture contraptions that are on display at the Tower of London.

It's gotta hurt, no doubt. I'm not looking forward to this either when it's my turn.

Chinazhoumom said...

It must be the heat - as I have seen this actions before - I too like you - dig in - call me a hard nose - but I have my child rearing ways - and that is that...
Hope your weekend gets better that the other night!
c & k(who stayed home with a fever - ughhh)

Yoli said...

Beverly I admire you so much. Honestly it is not easy being a single parent. My best friend is one and it is a struggle every day. Glenys sounds just like Isabella my God child. You are doing the right thing and I might add that you might want to do holding therapy. It is not pleasant but it does work. I had very similar issues with Sally and it has been reduced to almost nothing.

I know what she told you must have hurt you and that is part of being a single Mom. You might want to reassure her with loving words. Though at 10:30 PM at night, I am sure all you wanted to do was give her a spanking..LOL.

Hang in there, she is very very bright and sensitive. I love the pictures, your kid should be modeling.

Vivian M said...

I have the utmost respect for you, being a Mom is difficult enough.
If you ever need to talk, let me know. Or we can always do e-therapy!

Donna said...

Some people say you have to pick your battles, but I think sometimes you just feel like this is a time to lay down the law - like you did with Glenys.

Hang in sounds like you're a great mom!

Jill and Rick said...

Beverly, your girl is adorable, btw. We also have an adorable one that can throw on heck-of-a-fit at times. & Her's are also ALL about the control. Your G's sound identical. Ours is almost 3 yrs old and she's been doing it since we adopted her one year ago. At least now we only get it about once every couple weeks, vs the several times per day that it used to be. I am hoping that she'll have moved beyond these fits soon, but I see from your post that it may not be so easy. We should compare notes on what works and what doesn't sometimes!

Nicole said...

Wow! It is amazing how much that sounds like my Gracie. That could ahave been a scene at our house, only lately our battles are about taking her potty and me wiping (She is capable, but is refursing) She wants me to puther on the potty and me to wipe, etc... I get so frustrated at times. I am also pretty sure we are on the RAD radar on the very mild end. It is reassuring to know we are not alone! Hang in there. It sounds like you handled it just right!

my3 kids said...


As I read this post I also thought that your sweet girl sounds alot like our daughter Emma. Emma has had some control issues that we continue to work on. If you tick her off look out she has a very hard time settling down. She likes things her way and boy it's hard at times. I give you alot of credit doing this on your own as I know how tough it has been on both my husband and myself at times. Way to go!