First some really pretty pics of my girl in her lickets from this morning. It helps to see how cute she is when things like last night happen.
So she gets mad at me last night and honestly I don't remember what I did the first time. So she kicks a pillow off the bed. Then she cries for me to go get it and I tell her "no" and keep reading. So then she escalates and can't hear the story. She asks me to read the page again so I told her I would read it one more time then move on. Well, the it became a battle of the wills. She, still crying, didn't hear the second go round. So she asks, begs really, for me to read it again. I hold firm and there is a stand still. Well, a sit still as I am still and she is jumping and very overly dramatic in her tears and fit. This goes on for 30 mins. We finally get through Sagwa and get her down with the lights off.
Then she starts screaming about not wanting to go to water day today and wanting to stay home with "somebody." So I try to explain that I can't stay home but then I give up and tell her that I will make sure she doesn't get to participate in waterday. Well that sets tears off because she wants to go to waterday until I say okay then she doesn't again. Then she said, sobbing, "Ebry body else's mommy picks dem up early and you don't eber pick me up early." OOOO JAB with a curled knife and pulled back out making huge tears in my heart. I almost cried but wasn't wanting a stopped up nose.
Now you might be impressed that I have kept my cool through all this; except that, I, of course, did not keep my cool since it was 10:31pm or later when this rage/fit started. Oh and she fixates and won't listen. She also refuses to make eye contact, doesn't want to be held.
I think and have always believed that we are somewhere on the RAD continuum, very low though. Even if you lived with us, you would not see it, but that is more a function of her personality being introverted. She doesn't "mother shop," well, anymore, because she has appropriate stranger danger. (Although she did hold a police officer's hand this morning as we were all walking in and dropping kids off together.) But some of the other stuff is there and holding and eye contact is on her terms or not at all, most always.But the thing is when she rages or gets in fits she is trying to make me do something. It becomes all about control which makes me dig my heals in because once a battle starts I have to win. I think it was a draw last night though. I was so tired I couldn't fight which make me really mad at myself. I told her that as soon as the alarm went off she would be getting out of bed and better be in a good mood. We got less than 6 hours sleep. I am hurting.
So this morning I told her there would be dinner and bed, no playing on the computer, no playing outside, no playing anything. Just dinner then going to bed because of her fit last night. We have a busy day planned tomorrow with a FCC family, and I want no fits!
Yesterday morning as I was climbing out of bed my first thought to motivate me was "Gah, this is Thursday, only 2 more days." By the end of this week it is ugly, I could close my eyes and be out right now. I am exhausted physically and mentally. Hopefully this weekend will refresh us both for the next week where we do it all over again!