Wednesday, August 06, 2008

The Blog Post That I Need To Post

Somewhere in this blog I have posted that my parents and I have a strange relationship. It may all be all in my imagination but I don't think so. Let's just say I have a difficult relationship with my dad especially. And if any family members are reading this (which I doubt) get over it, this is my blog!

Case in point, Sunday lunch, I was supposed to bring Chinese food out to him for lunch (my suggestion), but the restaurant was closed so I didn't. When I got to dad's house (mom was out of town) and told him; he just said he would eat the meat in the fridge with bbq sauce.

So he took G outside into their secret hiding place (she wanted to go) under some bush or another, and I started to prepare lunch. I got the meat out and low and behold it was fuzzy. It had white fuzz on the majority of it. When they came back in I told him he couldn't eat that because it was molding.

He said, "I can too. I ate it last night."

I said, "Well it has white fuzz all over it."

He said, "No it doesn't." Hello, I am looking at it, yes it does!!

I said, "Yes it does." I even pointed out to him that he couldn't see because he didn't have his glasses on and I did.

The man argued with me as to whether or not the meat was molded. He was not going to let me be right, and that has been my whole life! He will not let me be right about anything. And surprisingly, I am right about a lot of things, not every thing but a lot of things. Neither he nor my mom believe I am right about anything. Then when they discover that I was right about something they do the childhood "you're right, you're right, you're always right" taunt that diminishes the right that I was.

Back to the lunch, I let him eat that meat. As he fixed it I saw out of the corner of my eyes that he cut away part of it. I said nothing to him. This is one in my lifetime of disagreements I have had with my dad. Finally, I am at least back making the salary he never believed I would make in the first place, and he voiced that to my mom the first time I made that salary in '99.

Now this issue with my parents affects me at work when people challenge me about something. When I don't know something I will say that I don't know, but I will find out. If I know something and say something and someone challenges me, I dig in and really fight whether or not it was a battle to begin with. I am struggling with my boss over that.

Of course my boss fired my co-worker because he as the CFO with no financial back ground couldn't be sure that my co-worker with an accounting degree actually knew accounting. So I have a little of the issue coming from my parents and part of the issue coming from my boss.

This is not a post written for sympathy just out of frustration.


AZMom said...

Your dad sounds like my mom. She and I bickered like that a lot too. Of course my husband is that way too...even if he knows he is wrong, he won't admit it and he will taunt me too when I am right.

big hugs to you!

Lauri said...

Big Hugs... You don't need his approval anymore and he should be mature enough to admit when you are indeed right.

All you can do is choose your response and try your best

Vivian M said...

My Dad was stubborn like that too, and would never admit he was wrong or say he was sorry. But one day, he changed. I don't know if it was the shock of me moving out, or he finally accepted that I was grown up and not a kid anymore. And now it's the opposite, he comes to me for advice on many things and actually listens. And lets me help.
I hope your Dad comes around too before it's too late. It's pretty sad that his pride is so important to him that he would rather risk eating rotten meat than say you are right!

Elisa. said...

That would drive me nuts, no wonder you wrote that post it must be so frustrating for you.

Wish I could give you some solution but I can't, always here for support though.x

jurl said...


When someone insists I'm wrong when I know I'm right I simply say, "well, maybe so." Then I scream insided my head, "I hate you!" That seems to really help. Then I wait for them to come back and tell me I was right to begin with.

As a child I loved being right and am still teased about it by my family so I take great pains to never appear too interested my perfection while inside I'm going bezerker.

kris said...

I get your frustration and didn't see this as a plea for sympathy at all- I'm just sorry you have to deal with it and constantly butt up against it. Maybe sometimes it's just easier to let go- I don't know. I think I might have been apt to say, "Fine. Eat the meat and enjoy your trips to the toilet tonight". Even cutting the fuzz off, my guess is he had an upset tummy.

The Byrd Family said...

You know Bev, I remember reading your blog when you were in China (I was only a lurker back then!) and I hurt for you every day you were there. I remember watching them allow Glenys to attach to your Dad and you were sort of like the big sister in the entire two week process in China. It was very painful to watch and I remember thinking that maybe they just didn't understand attachment and bonding and began praying for you and your parents and that they would eventually know "their role" in Glenys' life one day.

Here is a positive though....they truly love, love, love your daughter. My parents are the only grandparents my kids have left and they are not involved in their lives at all. At least Glenys knows how much they love her but I am sorry that this is so hurtful to you.

Big Big Texas Hugs to you my friend!