Gut Punch

Recently I have had two incidents where I just felt like I had been punched in the gut. The first was when I left two original mini DVs to be transferred to DVD for a travel buddy. These are my only videos of China and gotcha moment. I am expecting them back in about a week or so. If it works I may do the rest of the tapes that way as my video camera is broken on that part and way too expensive to fix although I can get the problem diagnosed for $35 which would go toward the price of the fix but labor alone is $95 with parts up to $100, ugh.

Then the second punch came yesterday when the initial referral (no not that referral, I wish) came from the attachment place. I called and left a message Monday and was fine, but when the return call came I totally felt punched. I don't know how to explain it. I felt defensive (not angry), but like I needed to explain that it really isn't G, but more than likely it is me, and that we aren't crazy. (Well maybe a little crazy.) I really had to keep myself in check here with this irrational thought though.

Two things will keep this from happening, any money due (cause I don't have any and insurance won't cover it) or the services are strictly for another state in which we don't live. Today the call is coming to do the phone assessment in which I probably will talk non-stop. I will totally try to keep myself in check, and remember that although things aren't bad now if I don't get the assessment done things might get worse and that the assessment is just that an assessment.

I think I will feel better with educated guidance from a social workers or therapists who actually understand adoption stuff. If an adoption therapist tells me that what is going on is not adoption related then I would believe that more than a non adoption educated therapist saying the same thing, ya know?