Thursday, February 19, 2009

Last Night

G and I talked about her getting lost and she admitted that she was scared and that she did cry. She also admitted that she wanted to cry when she saw me. That makes me sad because I know my facial reaction to her prevented her from expressing what she really felt. I need to learn to control my facial responses. This has been a long time need. I would so fail at poker because every thought crosses my face.

Now I wasn't as afraid for as long as she was so my relief was over quicker than hers. Hers turned to embarrassment and kept her from actually expressing the feelings she had. I just hadn't reached uber-panic mode yet. Supermommy commented about the lady not questioning the fact that I am G's mom. Until she commented on that I didn't even think of our being different.

Later our differences were brought out by a well meaning soul. So I will not say that I am totally forgetful that she is Chinese and I am not because to forget that diminishes some of who G is. Just at that moment I wasn't thinking about what that woman was thinking of our family. But yes now that I am thinking of that situation I am glad she didn't question it.

And I am sure you know those "well meaning soul" types that wish to harp on your "goodness by adopting that poor orphan" and isn't she just beautiful (implied: because of her situation coming into your family) without coming right out and saying so. You know if you have adopted a child (obvious family differences) you get those well meaning soul's comment on your family too. These are the people who stay on just the right side in the comments that you can't be critical but the comments illicit an uncomfortable response somewhere in the "protect my child" part of the brain. Can't put a finger on it but something makes you know that the implications are there but to go into detail of how you aren't a savior for adopting would be too much.

At Christmas G was singled out at the Chinese restaurant by the Chinese staff. She was doted on, given candy to, talked about while my very Caucasian nephew was totally overlooked. Yes it was obvious, and yes, had I not been mad at my brother I might have been sympathetic attempting to include the nephew, but alas family feud was still broiling, heh. Hey, I am not perfect ::grin:: I don't remember if I mentioned it here at Christmas as I said family feud and all but even that was not healthy towards G to be picked out because of her Chineseness.

Okay enough about that!! I need a waiting for a job- job. I applied for a part time position but it is in BFETN and I can't move. I am putting down the min number of job contacts for the purpose of unemployment, which is 3. I am making way more than that but really I am limited. Now if I were a nurse or accountant or OT or PT or speech therapist I would so be able to find a job TODAY! Maybe I need to go back to school and get OT certified.

I did apply for a perfect for me position with the s.a.(need to keep it secret for now). Kinda hoping I get it. Actually I am hoping I get it. It is close to home relatively speaking and an office spot, HR and payroll.

I sent a possibility to the head hunter last week as she asked me to and then yesterday I get her response about it. Now I know rational people will see the problem with a week's turn around time but if you don't let me 'splain it. Most job boards post positions with closing dates. I wasn't keeping up with the boards until I was laid off. I have no idea (can't remember) when the closing was for the job but most companies want applicants in the first few days not near the end. So I will only send her options of jobs I don't really want or are long shots anyway. I am afraid she will try to contact the good jobs if I send them and ask for money from them for my "placement" which would stop a placement for sure.

Maybe this week or next week one of the other positions will call me back. I re-e-mailed a long shot just because I received no response at all. I am just thankful that the house is rented and hope they can continue to live there so I can pay the note!!


The Byrd's Nest said...

Wow...I am so behind on your blog! Scary about getting a little lost...I really have to watch our girls better...especially since we are moving somewhere that they kidnap children alot more than I like to think about:)

Emma walks off constantly in another world!

I am praying so much for you to get a job Bev.....

The Blonde Duck said...

I hope you get the job you want!

Vivian M said...

We get the same treatment at Asian restaurants. Kerri and G are very pretty so I am sure they attract attention any way wherever they go!
I am so glad you and G have these talks/conversations. It is hard sometimes to talk to Kerri because she likes to change the subject, lol.

Anonymous said...

After my daughter started in speech therapy years ago, I started kicking myself that this field had never even been on my radar up to that point. My daughter's speech therapist has a fantastic job - she plays with kids all day! Of course I know there is a lot more to it than that, and she has a Master's degree that wasn't just sent to her in the mail. But I wish I had her job.

Elizabeth J.