It wasn't really feedback more like she told me what I knew but she wanted to use this time for me to talk due to the stress I have been under lately. But I did get some feedback that is what I already knew and that is G has too much control and I have HAVE to take it back. That it will get worse before getting better and that now is as good a time as ever. Consistency and consequences are important. I have a tendency to give consequences that will never come true like "G if you don't pick all of your toys up I am throwing them away." Okay so I will not throw them away and G knows that and that is just an example as I have never threatened that but you get the general idea.
The real example is this morning I told her when I finished eating my breakfast I was getting a shower regardless if she were finished. She was not eating so I was giving a warning to her to get through. The problem with that was I had some dishes to wash and coffee to prepare like I always do after I eat so she had time to finish and she knew I wasn't going to get a shower. So I should have been more truthful including all that I had to get done etc. Then there is the fact that I tell her over and over and over again. I need to say it once and let the consequences fall where they may and ignore the subsequent crying and hysterics that will accompany the consequences. Thank goodness I am not paying for this because see I know what to do I just don't know exactly why I won't do it!! I think I am just so stressed out and afraid of failing that I am failing and stressing myself out more.
We both agreed that G manipulates but she is not malicious in her manipulation. I enable her shyness and introversion and she knows I will jump in to answer questions so she lets me jump in. She manipulates/controls her situation probably out of fear too, but she is 4 and doesn't need that control!! So who wants to be an accountability partner for me? anyone, anyone, Beuhler? Just kidding, sort of, not really. The therapist will act in that role. Next week we do the first of the videos with structure and challenges then video theraplay. This way we work on all of those issues in the safety of the office. Not that this is dangerous but you know what I mean.
G is a good kid and we both don't want to fail at this family thing so we both act in fear. I have the understanding and the knowledge I just have to act now! So pray that I will get my stuff together so I can help G and me. The therapist did say that G is appropriately attached to me or rather she can see a positive bond between us. That is good. She said she notices that G looks to me for approval and answers which she is supposed to do at this age.
But I will just say, we had a bad BAD bad night last night. Me throwing threats with no follow through and still being mad this morning. I told G that if she didn't go to sleep I would make her get up with me this morning early (threat) but I was still mad at her for not going to sleep that I didn't want her up early with me (no follow through). She did say this morning, "I know you gonna make me sweep in my OWN bed tonight." Shocked, I looked at her and said, "I should." But then I thought about having to go and clean her room up and move the tent out to do that and honestly that is really not the point. I just want her to go to sleep.
So now on to the worst before better. No word on jobs but still looking.