Thursday, April 16, 2009

Therapy Update and a Conversation (Beware, This Is Long)

Therapy Wednesday! Talked with the therapist about the embarrassment concern, so she stepped out of the room during lullaby time. Not only did G do the same thing of avoiding eye contact, she also argued with me about the song and the words of the song I sang. It isn't embarrassment per se. It still is engagement and being nurtured only on her terms which is avoidance attachment! In other words, she wants to attach to me on her terms not mine which if it were her terms as well as mine it wouldn't be as big a deal. Anytime a child is trying to be in control of her situation it isn't really a good thing. At least not in terms of taking care of herself within a family structure.

I asked the therapist to go watch the lullaby part of the video even though the video is more about liability. And she explained again (because like any good client I was only half listening) about the 4 components to theraplay. Three of them (that I remember) are structure, nurture, and challenge. I can't remember the fourth but the only one G has down pat is challenge (as in we don't have to work on that component much other than to continue to build confidence). That was what the picking up with her toes the marbles was about and the popping bubbles (challenge).

Nurture is the taking care of her "hurts" with a cotton ball or lotion (we do cotton ball and from day one G has loved it). Structure is playing "Mother May I." Oh and the last is engagement which is probably the one she fails at most along with nurture. Hokey Pokey is engagement (bordering on structure) as is some of the other touchy feely stuff we do. So now that we have talked again, we are going to focus on the nurture, engagement and structure more than challenge.

One positive thing we did was on trust where G jumped to me or fell backwards into my arms which she did with no worries or wonders if I would catch her (which I did). So yea! G she at least trusts me in that respect.

Therapist and I discussed the sleep dealio (or lack of) which has been long standing, and we decided (as much as we can decide) that she was possibly asleep when she was found (abandoned), though due to her very young age she hasn't the verbal capabilities to express it but has the memory of it. Makes sense.

Tuesday, I volunteered at the school. It was too wet to go out so we headed to the gym for exercise. There are two classes that go at a time. The younger class has a little girl, A, who also attends our church. A loves me. So yesterday I taught A how to hula hoop and was very animated in praise of her (she is 3). Well, G saw me and came to tell me I was too loud.

Then she told me that "You are mattering about A and not mattering about me." Then, she cried to the point that I finally had to tell A to go show another teacher. I then sat down to "matter" with G in my lap as she cried. Then we headed out of school early for her to be mattered about by me and her grammie and grandad.

Wednesday, she asked me not to "matter about A today" though so I didn't to protect G's feelings. Actually I stayed inside with the two kids who couldn't go outside for bad behavior so I mattered about nobody in particular.

I am not sure what is going on with G and her current insecurities. Her bday is coming up (next Wednesday), and she is opening up in therapy a bit more. Yesterday she didn't want me holding both her and H on my lap while we waited for lunch at her school. She was down right mean about not wanting H sitting with us. So two days in a row regarding a bit of jealousy. I really don't want to over analyze this as adoption related verses age verses getting sick or something. But having said that I probably will over analyze it!

On a fun, safe and positive note, many thanks to SuperMommy for this recommendation. It came in yesterday evening, and we have watched it twice already within 24 hours. It is funny and informative. G and I are really hitting the safety stuff because she is old enough to understand it and well, we need it.


Suzi said...

Wow, sounds challenging. Sounds like your are doing a great job!

Stopping in from SITS.

Anonymous said...

This mothering stuff is hard work.

Good luck.

I like the "mattering", very cute.