Thursday, May 21, 2009

1500! Now with Answers!

So here it is, the BIG 1500th post. Yep, it's here. THIS IS IT. Ahem, kind of a let down, now that I am actually here and thinking about it, heh.

Okay so here are some questions asked in bold: (my answers are in italics)

and from EveryDayMom Designs concurring with Kerri's Mom:

What is your greatest fear when it comes to life with G? That she will be abducted or killed, that I can't protect her from all ill will toward her. That someone might hurt her feelings over her adoption or her being Chinese. That I would fail her as her mom. Gosh, and I could name so many more fears all related to her safety.

Is Motherhood everything you expected it to be? Yes and more. Somethings about motherhood surprised me and showed me all of my issues.

What surprised you? The stress to be a good mom (and what does that mean anyway?) and how quickly my hot buttons were activated by this little child who barely knew me. I didn't realize how high strung I truly was until G came home. Then I realized that I had a very set way about things and didn't particularly want it "messed up." I am working on loosening up because I have to, heh.

Do you miss your life pre-adoption? I miss the money I made and the countries I visited but if I could have the money and the travels with G then that would be the bomb. If going back meant G wouldn't be my daughter, I wouldn't want it. So I guess there are aspects to my prior life I miss but not enough to not have G in my life.

What is the one thing you wish you had known before you went to China? That G would bond with my dad, and that it would have been fine for me to go about my own business getting photos and video of China. I worried she would bond with my mom which for some reason I thought I could handle better. I missed a lot of sight seeing because of self pity.

Before adopting? The future so I wouldn't have quit my job in 2006 leading to the problems I am in right now.

What is the one accessory as a parent that you cannot live without?! Purell hand sanitizer on my keychain.

from K:
I'm curious how you became an adopted single mom and if it's what you expected? It is harder than I expected so I think my expectations were screwie. I think I thought this baby would just fit right into my life, and I wouldn't have to change much. I mean sure I knew I couldn't go grocery shopping at midnight anymore but that wasn't a big change. I just knew I could plop her in the jogging stroller and keep running. WRONG! She hated it with a hatred so great her head looked like it would spin off. I lost at least one friend over not having the time to spend with her because of G, oh well. So yeah, strange expectations I guess. I wouldn't trade it.

First, you have to know my fatastic history regarding my own plans for my life. In 6th grade I knew I was going to be married with 6 children, 2 sets of twins and two singletons. I would be married by age 24 even working on my PhD. Well, so, okay, none of that happened.

I had dated several guys, when old enough of course, and had two proposals/one engagement. That engagement blew up in my face. So as I gradually grew older, closer to 30, and didn't find a mister right; I decided that if I were not married by 35, then I wouldn't marry at all. Of course my 6 kids in my childhood fantasies would not come to fruition unmarried, and I also had/have no interest in birthing a baby from my body (11th grade human phys took care of that). I then decided that I would adopt because I did still wanted to be a mom. I knew of an independently wealthy woman who had adopted two from China so I figured I could do it too.

I had a passion for pro-life, so I stuck my money where my mouth is so to speak. Of course I have come to realize that isn't the best reason for adopting, but at the time I had some different ideas about adoption. I mean I chose China initially because of fear of families coming back to take away my baby. Little did I know that when I learned about adoption, how much Iwould want to know her first family to give her that information. Anyway, that is how I became a single adoptive mom. Very few regrets and none about G.

Any advice to the other moms out there.

My advice is be patient with yourself or you won't be with your child and I am learning that still. Slowly and painfully but still learning it.

and from Ohilda:
Have you always been pro-life or was there a defining moment in your life that changed your view?

I have always been pro-life. I never understood the pro-death or pro-choice position because it is inconsistent with all other laws. You cannot choose to shoot up heroine into your own body without being outside the law, so why should you be able to kill a baby inside your body within the law? Also, you have to wear seatbelts or you are breaking the law, so again, how can you call it legal to kill a baby. Even prostitution is illegal as is not being treated if you have TB and those things deal with your own body too. Yes, a person can choose to be outside the law, but that is where they will be outside the law! Plus with abortion there are two distinct bodies not one two individuals to deal with not to mention the father and grandparents.

from AZ Mom:
If you could change one thing in your life what would it be and why?

Different more useful degree that would now be marketable in this job market.

What is the most embarrasing thing that has happened to you since G came home?

One morning in the coffee shop on the way to Sunday School I was ordering and G was behind me. I had on a skirt that was long and billowy. G was flirting with the other patrons who were behind me as I faced the counter. She wasn't quite 2 or was just 2 I can't remember. And she without me knowing had lifted my skirt to hide. I felt a slight breeze and heard muffled laughter. As I reached for her I realized what she had done. She flashed all my business to everyone there.

from Ellie Monster (PWP):
Did you always know you wanted to adopt? Be a mom? I knew I wanted to be a mom but I am not sure I knew exactly how I would do that until a bit older like high school.

What made you decide on China? Initially China was the "safe" country meaning safe from returning birthfamilies to take away the child I loved. Also, since she would look different from me I thought it might save her from being judged on what people saw as her mother's poor morals, ie out of wedlock birth and all that jazz. I do live in the south you know.

When I started the adoption and started reading cultural things and about adoption/adoptees specifically I realized my initial reason was ridiculous. I want to know who G's first family/birth family is. I would love to meet them and re-introduce her to them. It is very sad though that we may never have that ability or opportunity to do so.

As far as the process, at the time, China was the safest process regarding predictability and paperwork. I went in knowing exactly what to expect and when, not like today with long wait times. So despite the wait times, China is still safe as in knowing what to expect and everyone's travel being the same etc.

Okay, so that wasn't so bad. Hope I answered everyone's questions clearly. Maybe on the next big milestone I will open it up again. If you didn't get a chance, sorry> That just means you need to stop by more often, heh.


Doug and Terrye said...

Great Q&A!! I feel like I know you a little bit better now :)

Terrye in FL

Everyday Mom Designs said...

That's great... Thank you for opening up and answering our questions.

I do have one question, if you don't mind... how old was G when you got her?

Vivian M said...

Love the Q & A's and congrats on the big 1500!!!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the answers and congrats on 1500.

I haven't even made it to 200 yet.