Wednesday, May 13, 2009

A Heartwrenching Issue on My Mind

I have been reading some blog posts by some first moms (AKA birth moms), and one recurring theme that pops up is how the adoption agencies manipulated these women into giving the child/ren up for adoption. Apparently, there are a couple of books, like how to books on how to convince a woman in crisis pregnancy to relinquish the child for adoption. If that happens, and I am not saying it doesn't as I haven't been on the receiving side, it is terrible for ALL parties involved. I haven't been on the counseling side either. It makes me very sad.

Here is the big question though, when the women went to an adoption agency for help during a crisis pregnancy, what were the workers supposed to do and what did the women really want? If there is a woman already adoption minded, then the conversation continues along the way of the already adoption minded woman. Should it stop? Yes, manipulation should stop but adoption shouldn't necessarily stop. The workers may feel that if there isn't an adoption plan the woman in crisis pregnancy will abort, thus leaving herself the mom of a dead baby (I don't know for sure but if I were a counselor I would prefer an adoption plan rather than an abortion plan).

A woman should never be told they are bad for getting pregnant and should never be made to feel that the only way to redemption is to give the baby up for adoption. It doesn't work that way. A woman shouldn't be told how expensive it is to raise a baby and how destitute they will be if they do it alone either just to encourage her to place her child for adoption. There should be outrage on this topic and first moms are outraged (that is another recurring theme) and rightly so.

So having said that, the choice between being manipulated into delivering and giving up a live baby to adoption verses being manipulated in the same manner to kill a baby via abortion, then I say keep the manipulation in place for a live baby. The same manipulation techniques that are used to convince a woman to place a baby for adoption are condemned whole heartedly while being congratulated and perpetuated in the abortion mills of planned parenthood for money.

I hear the cry of adoption being this big money industry that hurts women, but where are the same cries with regard to planned parenthood? Money is pretty necessary to function in this world. Money itself isn't the problem but attitude regarding it is a problem.

Yes, it is a shame if someone is getting rich on adoption. It is an indescribable BIGGER shame though that abortionists are getting rich on killing babies!!

I feel very sorry for any woman who would have been able to raise a baby but through manipulation gave that baby up for adoption. But I also must say that since that baby was adopted there is a chance (in some cases a small chance) that there can be a reunion. If that baby isn't even given the chance for life though, then there will never be a way for reunion. Reunion didn't happen for my aunt and her son due to her death but we, his extended family, are still here and it could happen.

Adoptive parents should step up and stand with first moms to stop the manipulation. But both adoptive parents and first moms should stand shoulder to shoulder in the battle against abortion.

Where are the cries? Where is the outrage? Why do millions of babies continually die at the hands of manipulative abortionists for money (even government money) while we adoptive parents, bio parents and first parents sit by silently?

I know that some crisis pregnancy centers do collect things like baby furniture, clothes and other newborn necessities as well as pregnant lady stuffs to help women who wish to parent. I have been to the showers and spoken to the directors. So maybe an action step would be to volunteer at these centers and mentor women who are in crisis pregnancy.

I realize adoption practices world wide should be revamped and I don't have an answer. There is a church in Washington state that is helping families adopt and the only cost is the paperwork to the state agencies and maybe for the women who are pregnant (but that I am not sure of). In other words, the church itself receives no money for any part of the process, not even an application fee but you have to be a resident of Washington. Ken Hutchinson (or Hutcherson), an ex-football player turned minister set it up recently out of his church. I think they only do domestic too but I am not sure of that either.

I know adoption shouldn't wipe a family out financially just as adoption shouldn't be the first option given a woman in crisis pregnancy. Abortion shouldn't be an option at all, though. There is an answer out there because truth does exist. We mere mortals just need to put our creative heads together and come up with a workable solution. The other side to that is that we are mere mortals with many many faults.

Please hear my heart on this, manipulation in all forms should stop for any reason. Abortion should stop forever.


Kristy said...

I will come back and read this post but I wanted to come over and tell you to go to Ohilda's blog and read her most recent post.

Love, K

Ohilda said...

I wanted to say that this post is so very true. I know. Firsthand.
I worked as a sidewalk counselor at abortion clinics. I don't know if you ever read my story about Angel (on my sidebar under the LABELS), but I was working with a birthmom and my "mentor" told me that I was to "encourage" the birth mom to give the baby up. I didn't. She wanted her baby. I felt my job, and what God chose me to do was to make this woman realize the value of the creation she had in her womb, but in no way try to take that baby from her. I was obedient and I am ever so grateful for that. That little boy adores his Mama.

Now for the flip side, I am the Mom to a domestic baby who's birth mother I spent 3 days with in the hospital. We now have a closed adoption, but I know that her heart was torn apart when she handed the baby to me, yet I know that it was exactly what she knew she had to do. No one coerced her or forced her. She selflessly agreed. I am forever thankful.

Whew! Sorry this was so long. And also, thank you for your comment about ND. I'm extremely perturbed about it and had to vent. I'm embarassed at times to say I am Catholic. That's very sad.

Have a blessed week!


wenderful said...

Thanks for stopping by and helping me celebrate my sits day today! I had ginormous fun.

Cassi said...

This is a very good post! Would you mind if I linked to your blog and responded to you later this afternoon through my blog? I think this could turn out to be a great form of discussions between everyone involved in adoption and perhaps we could all find some of the answers we seek.

Anonymous said...

Interesting article on this topic.

Joanna said...

You wrote this very well! Manipulation is not right on any side.
They never tell people the other side of abortion. A very good friend of mine went through one and she's never been the same since. Verses a gal at our old church who gave her baby up for adoption while heartbroken knew she did the right thing by her child.

Vivian M said...

I hear you loud and clear. I think you should send this post to be published somewhere (hopefully an adoption mag or site)!

cindy psbm said...

Lovely blog

I have to say that when I decided to make an adoption plan for my son, the adoption agencies I went to recommended that I parent many many times(maybe it was because the birthfather and I went to them together??)
I thought only about what it costs to raise a child, financially, emotionally,socially and spiritually, and I found MYSELF lacking. Not one person told me this, they tried telling me different at every opportunity.
I just would not believe them.

Abortion sickens me.
The simple fact is that life is life. If every pregnancy did not result in a real human life, then abortion would be ok, but that is just not so.

It boggles me that people think about the babies in either adoption or abortion but they don't think about the mothers.

It isn't logical. I think they just want to see what they want to see.