Wednesday, July 29, 2009

I Can't Even Explain Why This Day Ended So Badly

But I will try. First I need to admit something. If you haven't figured it out, I am an introvert. I need quite time to recharge. I need to think inside myself to resurface and survive. I have always been this way. All the personality tests show it too. I think if I remember I am an INTJ. If you know what that is, good for you. If not, I am not explaining because I am lazy too, heh.

Anyway, today started out fine. We had our appt today and G was excited. We went to our appt. I had budgeted enough money for lunch (really it was the money left on the debit card from unemployment as I can only get it in $10 increments. Sux I know.) We ate at tacosbell then off to the wallofgreens for some mosquito med/cream. With all the rain we have had G has something like 12 bites and for some reason these particular bites are much more painful than previous ones. I am constantly putting meds on these even though the meds should have knocked the itch out something like 12 applications ago.

Anyhoo, we headed to the children's museum for a couple of hours. We left due to G needing some private, quiet potty time, if you get my drift. She wasn't thrilled with that until she heard my explanation rationally. I even got her a "coooolllld boddled wahturh" to drive home with. When we got home and checked the mail, we saw a surprise package for G, the book on my sidebar, God Made Me In China, by fellow blogger, Kristy Rodriguez. So we took the time to read it. After reading this book, I needed to check my e-mail. I also needed to be quiet.

At this point not even my dog wasn't helping as a storm was coming in. I left the living room to take care of some needed privacy myself but was followed by barking dog, loud cat and extremely loud child. I asked child to be quiet and managed to get dog quiet. Child wouldn't be quiet which started the dog up and made the cat unnerved. So I tell G to be quiet so I can have some peace or I will spank. G doesn't be quiet and tells me she is glad to have a spanking. This whole take the threats through is what I am not good at really. I didn't want to spank but, well, I shouldn't have threatened. I thought she would just give me the moment I needed but nope.

So after swat on behind, one swat not hard, I tell G to stay in her room. She does and I let her out after a bit (probably not 4 mins.) Then she comes into the living room making the worst noises, obnoxious "look at me noises" and I tell her either she quiets down or I am going to my bedroom for quiet with the door shut. She doesn't and so I go to my bedroom and shut the door. I should have locked it but it wouldn't have mattered. She followed me in and screamed bloody murder telling me that she knew I was trying to ignore her. I know this was just a cry for attention but I really couldn't give it right then. I needed down time. I asked nicely at first then I got mean. I told her she could continue to make the noises and go to bed at 7pm or she could give me the peace I requested. She would not do it. So 7pm it is.

Oh but that wasn't the end. She revved it up quite a few notches then. She either hit or kicked the cat then lied about it. Then when I thought things had calmed somewhat she threw a rock in the floor. So imagine your nerves being right under your skin from the loud then it gets quiet only for a loud (on laminate wood floors) bang to bring you out of your skin. I took her to her bedroom and changed her into her jams immediately (4:30ishpm by this time). I had had it. She put up a good fight to not be changed but I won.

She stayed in there still in rage mode until she started to fall asleep. I didn't let her fall asleep but I got the quiet I needed and she calmed down. I went to get her and told her that I needed to hold her and she needed me to hold her. She let me. I fixed her dinner and let her watch a movie. I explained how I needed the quiet (which I explained before but she wouldn't hear me) and that though she was still going to bed at 7pm, I loved her and always would.

Tonight she picked the book "Adoption is for Always" to read. Not sure if it had anything to do with the afternoon melt down or not. Several things we are working on is patience, not interrupting when I am speaking with someone else and general boundaries of play time with mom vs. play by your self, ie control issues (not necessarily self control issues but the need to control others, surroundings). PCIT helps with all of that, at least that is what our therapist said.

As a single mom it is really easy to let boundaries slide, particularly the non interrupt one. If there aren't many people mom talks to during a day to give child opportunity to interrupt or know when not to interrupt, it is harder to teach. I didn't say every single parent has this issue but because I am single I have this issue. Other than my parents we don't see many people outside the house to practice not interrupting. That would be my introverted personality kicking in by the way.

I told G at one point that we had spent a great day together and that I needed to check my e-mails and just needed some quiet. She said, "I wish it was this afternoon." I said, "You wish I had checked my emails and stuff this morning to spend time with you this afternoon?" She said, "Yes"(with a pout). I said, "Well, first we couldn't have done that because of our appt. but even if we had you would have done the same thing (acted out to get attention) this morning." That explanation did no good by the way, in case you were wondering, heh.


MissMeliss said...

you know, i understand that interrupting thing... little miss mia does it, too... not quite sure how to teach her not to do it, yet, but i'm working on it. liked your last line... even if you would have checked your email earlier she would have not liked it at that moment either. LOL ;-) yep, they're our kiddos!! hehe

thanks for the cutie comment about Lil M, too. she's just a silly girl sometimes. and cracks me up!! glad you saw it that way, too. :)

(some people get caught up in the 'princess' word...)

Jill said...

Sorry you had such a rough day. I know I have had some of these type moments with Miss Lucy and they SUCK. Glad you guys are continuing help, and I say many prayers for things to look up!
Hugs, Jill

Marla said...

Glad the meltdown is over, wouldn't you like to know what goes on in their little minds?

Ohilda said...

Oh...I am SO there with you. Sounds very much like my darling yet controlling Anna Grace.

I think you're an awesome Mama. I know I've said this before, but single Moms truly are amazing to me. I pray to God everyday to keep my marriage intact and my hubby healthy, because I just don't think I could survive it alone.

God bless!

Catching Butterflies 3 said...

I think it was the made in China book. Thomas gets this way when he thinks of Thailand. Even after 4 years home he does not feel 100% safe when he is tired. I think you do it all well. I'm glad you have your parents there. I don't know how anyone can parent alone.

Anonymous said...

You've just described my daily life. No wonder I'm so tired and burned out. Maybe I'll get a muzzle for the dog and straight jacket for the child.

Elizabeth J.

Vivian M said...

Hubby and I are both ISTJ's, so I totally get what you are saying.

And we have the same issues. Some of it is just normal 4-5 year old behaviour. In our case, we have some "issues" we are working on as well, so control and manipulation go a little beyond normal.

I think setting limits are important. And committing to whatever punishment you threaten is just as important. Our girls are constantly testing limits and boundaries, and you are doing a great job, even if it doesn't feel good sometimes. You are an awesome Momma!

The Byrd's Nest said...

Sigh....big sigh....I feel your pain sister. We are going through the same thing here....btw...I am a ESFP...we are opposites huh? I get my energy from being with people but I have to say...I don't feel like being with people right now. My daughter Elisabeth is a true "I" and she is just like you, she needs time alone to re-energize. Lottie is like this also and she and I clash...alot.

We literally live in a glass house here...all the windows open all of the time so her meltdowns are loud..extreme...and nothing to do with Jesus..LOL

I am praying for you.