In an effort to ward off extremely negative comments (which I have received in the past) I have enabled comment moderation so your comment is posted now, and I am going to post it here if you don't mind for other A-parents to see the intent of the panel discussion.
Yes, we are parents first, that I do realize, and I want that balance for G and me. G and I do have some attachment realted issues though too. We will be working on attachment for a long time I think based on recent comments made by G. That is okay though because I am in it for the long haul even if she doesn't realize that yet.
"I enjoyed meeting and talking with you after the panel presented. I feel perhaps the audience and the panel did not understand one another fully. There was a disconnect at times, which didn't need to be there. I believe what the panel might have been trying to convey is that our kids are a bit less secure than we realize, and while they do want to talk about birth parents, foremost our kids need us to just be their 'parents' first. Sometimes in our effort to be wholly accepting of what it is to be adopted, parents of today go a bit overboard and put too much focus on the adoption part. Whereas in past eras adoption talk was avoided.
"Twenty years ago we (meaning me and the panel) met parents who avoided adoption talk, and today we meet parents who focus on it greatly, even blog about it, and it is sometimes center stage in a parents live, so that could be a driver in the child's life. I believe the panel was simply attempting to talk about achieving a balance, and perhaps it was misunderstood. But of course you are leading balanced lives, but within a ten minute conversation this was not realized."
I appreciate your kindness stopping by and clearing this up. You are very well respected in the adoption community and any guidance you have please fill free to comment anytime!!
**Was asked to remove the name of the speaker due to her not wanting to be associated with the politics on this blog for fear that she would be associated instead of me the blog author. I am not listed in full name because I wish to protect G and me. She is a public author, I am not, but I will respect her wishes even though this post nor the one on which she commented were political.