Wednesday, September 08, 2010

Meeting Other A-Families

So I will need to be very, very careful to not give too much info on this post as I am not sure who would read this and work back to the family about whom I am speaking.

One day I heard a little one with squeaky shoes in my general area and of course I expected to turn and see an Asian baby but didn't. So I spoke with the mom who said she bought them at consignment, and that I should do consignment and she was very intense about consignment to the point that I was as uncomfortable speaking with her in general as you are reading this very long intense run on sentence.

Anyway, I explained my only interest in the squeaky shoes being G's shoes we bought in China and that an upscale store near us sold them. So she asked me if I adopted G from China to which I responded in the affirmative. Then she said, "We adopted her" pointing to the roughly year old child in her arms.

I thought maybe it was an international adoption possibly Russian, so I asked where from (really only wanting to know whether it was domestic or international). She said, "New York, we lost a lot of money from an agency here. We found a birth mom in NY. She didn't want her so we adopted her." Yes, yes she did say it. In front of her child and mine she said out loud that the birth mom didn't want her.

I was a bit dumbfounded and 6 hours later, I came back with a retort, "Oh! What could you mean, 'Didn't want her' of course she wanted her, who wouldn't want this precious child. You must mean she couldn't care for her?" At least that would have given both her child and mine dignity as well as giving this mom other words to use. Like I said, I found the retort 6 hours later or 6 hours too late.

G questioned later that same evening what she heard and processed what the mom said about children not being wanted. I had to explain that all children are wanted but due to sometimes government circumstances like in China, some children aren't able to be kept. I can't look at a child and say that child isn't wanted though with abortion I understand that would be the case. If a baby is born, then at some point during that pregnancy (in this age of abortion), that child was a wanted child.

Sometimes I am thrilled to meet other adoptive families then other times, not so much.


Kelly said...

I would not have known what to say either...what a stupid B@%^#%!!!!!

The Byrd's Nest said...

Ugh....there is just no excuse in this day and time for uneducated adoptive parents! I have zero tolerance for that...even when they are not adoptive parents. Honestly, why can't people think before they speak? Words are so harmful. You handled it very well.

Vivian M said...

Wow. It is unfortunate that sometimes people do not think before they speak. Or do not care that little ears are listening.

By the way, I think a lot of us think of the perfect thing to say after the fact. You handled it well, and I am glad Miss G and you talked about it later.