Thursday, June 28, 2012

Too Tired to Sleep Too Tired to Stay Awake

Watching Hannity now. I am so tired but can't sleep. So I have been on twitter following some strange argument between two people I follow but I can't figure out the beginning of the argument. But it is like a trainwreck and I can't turn away. Hate those trainwrecks. Really I guess I hate my noisiness.

Spell check doesn't work anymore and I am too tired to make sure I am spelling everything right. I have had a strange and disappointing two days and I miss my girl. She is having fun though at the George Washington camp with her cousins.

My mom is very very tired. I can tell it on the phone. My snarky comments about my own situation isn't hitting her well either so I have to check the tongue at the ring tone. Can't help it, I have always dealt with difficult situations with snark and self depricating humor even when (unknowingly) it offends others.

Oh and the twitter argument mentioned above I believe is over. Now what am I supposed to read, heh.

Wow, just by retweeting things I have enjoyed my followers hit over 600. I am not even clever or tweeting in a formal fashion. I just reset the password today because I forgot it.

Darrell Issa will be on Greta tonight. Can't wait to hear all he says. Hopefully Holder will go to jail. Probably won't but it is on the record. Not sure I can stay up much later but may stay up long enough to watch Red Eye. And that is very late or early, depending on the POV.

So Very Tired and Troubled

So as everyone is aware the SCOTUS said that since the Obamacare individual mandate was a tax and that congress has the ability to tax then it stands. Crazy for sure and proved Obama is a liar in every definition of the word. Also, just like in the Dred Scott case the people have the right to vote it down. One thing the decision did state clearly is that under the commerce clause, Obamacare is a big no and that congress can't create commerce in order to control it.

The other though is good news and justice hopefully for Brian Terry and the 300 Mexicans killed under Holder's (and possibly Obama's) directions. Holder was held in contempt. First AG ever to be held in contempt in the history of the US.

So I went to bed at 3am last night then my mom called at 8:30 which almost killed me. Then another call at 10:22 and I will say that I am miserably exhasted, disappointed, bored and basically stressed to the hilt.

And the airconditioner man called and met me to fix my house. He freaked me out a bit. Glad my dad knows him. He asked me my opinion about Obama which I was happy to discuss then he made a racist comment (X2) which I had to set him straight on. I hope he picked up my point. Sometimes people want you to agree with them so badly they chose to ignore your actual points.

Let me be clear here (see I am presidential) I dislike Obama's policies, lack of care of American values, big government stance, socialist and islamist background and his and Michelle's pure disdain for the American people!! None of what I said has to do with the color of his skin, it truly does not come into play. I disliked the first black president, Bill Clinton, as well for his sleeziness and liberal progressiveness.

I appreciate people like Allen West, Condileesa Rice, Hermain Cain, Clarence Thomas as well as other true statesmen who understand and protect the constitution of the US in its original intent no matter the color of their skin. And yes I intended to name African Americans who would probably describe themselves first as Americans who happen to be of African descent (my personal speculation).

Yes It Really Is Me Posting at 1am

Tomorrow is such a big day with he (hopeful) repeal of Obamacare and the return of the money previously spent! Oh and the Holder contempt vote. See what a big day. I am anxious and no matter how much my eyes would like to sleep, I am not actually sleepy.

Currently I am watching The Five on Foxnews with Greg Gutfeld. LOVE HIM. He is so very funny and so very correct!

Praying the Obamacare is found unconstitutional as it truly is because the federal government cannot force individuals to do purchase something just because we are citizens and can't penalize us for not doing so. State governments can do so for individual states but not the federal government.

I am so tired but just can't sleep. So this Holder mess is so much bigger than any scandal thus far because so many people were killed with weapons designated to send to the Mexican drug cartels in order to bring more regulations and take away American rights to own guns. This is truly where they were taking this. Holder has had to walk back two statements he made earlier, one of them being that the AG under Bush knew about it. So glad he will be sanctioned.

I just can't imagine what Holder has on Obama to still be in office. Of course to be in put in office in the first place he had something on Obama. Holder needs to go far away. He has politicized the AG's office and defended the Black Panthers in a voter intimidation case.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

2 Things I Never Ever EVER Want to Hear Again

I never want to hear, "Anyone can sell, just learn these techniques."

I never want to hear, "Just get a job and go to work somewhere. If you get desperate enough you can work anywhere."

Here is the thing, I can't sell. I am not a salesperson and so there is a limit. I also can't just get any job or work just anywhere.

Today was a flop, I was rejected as a potential salesman. Oh well, I knew and know I am not a salesperson. There is a type of person who is but that is not me.

Seriously, I have several things I am just not good at and that limits my employment options and somehow potential employers see this. So I am still jobless.

Then, right before I went into the panel interview, one of the potential salespeople there asked me out. ICKY! First off I took myself off the market when I brought G home. There is no one well one person that I knew before I adopted her and he has no clue nor is he close by I would ever date or bring into this family while G is young. So it just creeped me out. I just told him, "No thank you."

I told the trainer/recruiter and his assistant tat it really creeped me out and he said, "Well, we all want to be accepted." He was joking but the look I gave him, he got it. Call me a snob or whatever but no one is good enough to add to our little family of two, except the one who has no idea and is not close by.

There is one possible good thing that may have come out of my rejection of this job but I am not speaking of it until I have a yes or no.

Monday, June 25, 2012

Job Interview Today

I received an e-mail about open interviews with a company that I shall not disclose and since I have no other options headed over there.  And so the second interview is Wed.  I think it is going to be a commission sales type position.  If it is base salary plus commission I can survive.  If it is commission only I cannot.  So I go back Wed. around 10ish and spend the day (literally, told to bring lunch) hearing about the position and interviewing with who knows and possibly starting as early as Monday or maybe even this Thursday.  Good thing is that training is paid.  So we shall see how it goes.

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Went To See Brave

with a friend yesterday. G was not there as she is still with her grandparents. She will not be seeing it. It is rated PG and there are some very dark moments in it. G can't tolerate the movie Mulan being in the house because the bad guy (which she started calling the "uggy" man) is shown as being a very dark and evil monster. That movie terrifies her so I know Brave would too.

Brave is very funny, will make you cry, and is very dark in a scary sort of way. It deals with spells and magic which you expect from a disney movie (and the artists did a great job making the movie) but for children who are a bit more scary this is not the movie for them.

I really enjoyed it but I thought about the young kids in the theater and wondered how well they will sleep after watching it.

It has strong female character roles and I think the father's could have been portrayed a little less clumsy but I suppose for the time it was set may have been okay. I don't know, I am so tired of man-bashing in films, TV shows and commercials I would just like to see them portrayed differently.

But it was very good and not too girly girl at all. Just know your children well and if they can tolerate it, it was a good movie to take them too. Be ready to navigate the magic scenes.

Friday, June 22, 2012

Days and Nights Getting Mixed Up

For me that is. G, I am told, had a meltdown Wednesday night after we Skyped so Grammie has nixed any future skyping. I hate that. I could tell though it was coming when I talked to her earlier in the day. She was a bit teary and I could tell was trying very hard to hold it together. I will be excited when they get back but that won't be for another week and half.

She and my SIL went blackberry picking again and G's words flooded out to the point that sil commented that G talked so much she only picked 6 berries. Most people think G is so very quiet and she is until she feels comfortable then all those words she has held come tumbling out on top of each other. Funny that!

Anyway, I am not sleeping due to the lack of job, lack of information about jobs (still no word from the college) and lack of money. So instead of staying up and stirring in bed like the night before which was just miserable by the way, last night I watched Shakespeare in Love on DVD and then I watched it again with all the commentary and then I watched the rest of the special additions to the DVD. I forgot about some of the parts that really didn't (at least to me) add anything. I mean I have an imagination and really do not need to see the body parts, ya' know? I can most certainly imagine what is happening.

But I love both Colin Firth and Joseph Finnes so it was worth the less than $3 from Amazon. I turned it off at around 3am and woke this morning around 10. Yes, I do believe the depression has come upon me. Yesterday I was up earlier; however, but then spent the day at my mom's watering the plants and feeding hummingbirds.

I am truly needing to work on my bank statement but honestly I just don't want to see the financial fall out. GAH!

The Repulican national party called mother yesterday and I answered. I mean I am "Ms. Moore" so technically it was okay to speak with them. They of course, just like the DNC, want donations but I told them one better, I told them they could most definitely count on my vote in November to stop "the ONE" and kick him out of office. I explained how I am out of work like 6 million other Americans no thanks to Obama or rather much thanks to Obama and his ilk and that if he were to be relected in November I might just commit sui*cide. No, I am not serious but very very worried. Then however I remembered how the guy, who got really quie,t believed he was speaking with my mom, oops.

And no lectures; I know sui*cide is not a joking matter and sometimes I really have to think hard about it not being the answer because I know it isn't. I am comforted by Elijah in 1 Kings 19:4 (this is the only verse in this section underlined in my Bible so I have visited it many times before). By the way, many servants of God were depressed and begged for God to take their lives, and yes I realize they were much more pious than I but they were still just human.

You see depression is not necessarily a mental illness (of course the APA wishes to make many non-illnesses mental illness but I digress) but sometimes it is just a recognition that nothing you do can fix this, that you are not the one in control. It is a bit of reality of the situation becoming even more real and not being in control of the situation even to know how God will fix this.

I know God is in control and in one sense that gives me hope. However, in another sense it scares the will out of me because it means I am not in control, and never really have been despite my own belief in the matter; therefore, the depression comes in waves over me at times.

The thought that I can't control the end of this financial world mess does not give me good feelings. I have always been a bit of a pessimist, I like to think more of a realist, really. I know I am not alone and there are many praying and caring and suffering like myself. I also feel depressed because I know my situation is not bad in the sense that I am not facing illness, surgery, death for myself or any of my close family, so then I feel foolish for being upset about the emotional place I am in currently.

It is most certainly a strange place to be, this situational depression, but I need to be here to feel to the depths because I know when God pulls me up on the mountain I will see His work and His will and I can then feel the heights of joy. By the way, this is about me only, no one else who suffers depression, only me. And mine is totally 100% situational, acute not clinical.

This is all to say that nights are becoming more difficult to focus on sleep and tonight my be more difficult after the FB photo I saw while trying to find someone with a very common name. Very scary picture actually and the info stated this person liked mutilation of body parts. Once seen it is difficult to unsee. I did not click on it because I honestly couldn't get past the profile pic fast enough. Truly difficult image that now is burned in my brain, ugh! I wish people were more careful, of course this sick person wishes to disturb people.

So that is how my day has been. I watched a comedy today and truly laughed until my sides hurt. Johnny English (I am sure I have seen it before) but it is just so very funny. Rowan Atkinson is just hilarious. I really needed to laugh today!

Monday, June 18, 2012

Productive But No Job

I got the yard mowed at least and practiced my mandolin. I have not heard back from the interview I went on the Thursday before Memorial day. Won't call me back. So I called the main temp agency I use and begged for a job. I applied for several things for which I am not qualified as well. This is just such a weird world I am living in.

Sunday a lady from church took me to lunch and we got to know each other a bit better. She sings next to me in choir, and she and her hubby live in a house that is half way between me and my parents. She and another lady have come to really care about me and worry about me. The one I met in choir and the other because she started sitting behind me and G then with G while I was in choir. G actually talks to her now which most people in the church don't believe, heh.

Funny thing, both ladies thought I was divorced. I guess I never really thought that was how I was perceived or maybe I thought people would assume single momhood rather than single momhood through adoption. They both asked if I was receiving child support. Um, nope.

I have spoken to G several times and she is having a good time. She said she got really tired last night when they went swimming. Although she can swim, she hasn't in awhile the distance she did last night so her endurance is down. I told her that by the time she leaves in 2 weeks she will be able to swim across the pool several times without being tired. I hope I am right.

She is having a blast playing with her littlest cousins. I think tomorrow I am heading out to spend the day/night at my parents and feed the hummingbirds. Plus food network star or design star comes on tomorrow night that I want to see. Plus I forgot to get some bread when I was out there yesterday for the tuna fish I was going to make.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Happy Father's Day

So Happy Father's Day, Dad! He isn't actually here and won't come to the blog to see but I thought I would share a pic of us together. This was Oct 1990. I didn't bother to scan this photo and took a picture of the picture with my phone's camera.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

And They're Off

G and my parents headed out for two weeks today. No threats however as I am watching both houses to make sure no one takes advantage of the empty one.

G will have her fill of family time I think what with one reunion last Sunday and another she wants to go to after 7/4 and this two weeks spent with cousins.

When we were discussing who would be at which reunion G asked if specific cousins would be at one. I told her that no that wasn't their side of the family but that they would be at the other. Then she asked about another set of cousins going to the one in July to which I replied, "no that is Grammie's family and they are Grandad's side."

G in obvious frustration replied, "Well, what side of the family do I belong on?"

All those connections so very confusing even to the grown. We sat around last Sunday saying, "Now who is that and how are we related?"

Thursday, June 14, 2012

What a Cute Family

A friend is now a member of the church to which my family (parents still) belonged. Apparently she found an old church directory. I was minding my own business in blissful ignorance when she texted this picture to me. ;}  This is circa 1974-75. I was almost 5 years old or maybe was 5 years old.  She took the picture with her phone so Mother's head is flashed out.    Now why on earth did blogger force the change on us all? I hate this new setting. Change for change's sake is not always a positive. I have a phone interview today for the call center job but it won't start until 7-23. Until then I have no answers and no income, yeah me. My finger tips are still very tender but that is the price of imaging myself an international blue grass madolin sensation practice.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

What's Up Today?

So I completed (finally) an online test for call center from home for a temp agency. I say "finally" because the first time I attempted to take the test the computer scan said my computer wasn't up to snuff. Then yesterday at my parents I gave it another go and worked through the first two sections only to be sidelined with the third. So this morn I tried again on my laptop which scanned fine today and I completed the third section. It was a virtual call center that began with a virtual training room and trainer. His name is Manuel. I guess diversity is important even in the virtual world. His mouth really moved which sort of freaked me out a bit.
G headed off to VBS and then dad called to say she was invited to go see madagasgar 3. I don't even know if I spelled that correctly. I am not sure I even care. So I have a whole day of nothing but me and the cat and the virtual man, heh.
I have caught up with news, e-mails, blogs and it is only lunch time. I will practice my mandolin and dulcimer again even though my finger tips are very tingly with pain and numbness. Yes I have both but that is necessary to toughen them up again.
So how about in your world? Everything going well this summer?

Monday, June 11, 2012

A Little Rythmically Challenged

G decided she wanted to learn how to play an instrument, not because she is interested but because her cousin is going to try to learn one this summer on his own and little miss competition can't be outdone. So I took her up on the challenge. I mean I have 5 instruments here at the house so there would be little investment or rather none at all. I can play 3 of the 5 and pick out right hand on one! I learned treble clef not base.

The problem is my poor child has no sense of rythm and argues with me when I try to instruct her. Then I lose patience and what starts out as good intentions ends with frustration (mine) and tears (hers).

She is going to learn to play the dulcimer, per her. Yes, I know how to play at it and could pick it up again fairly well. I never play for a crowd or in a band. I don't think I am that good or ever would be that good. I gave her the principles of it, I tuned it for her, I showed her how to hold it and which frets are which. I gave her a song to learn (VERY SIMPLE SONG) and then last night I took her back to another basic and that is strumming. Yes, I showed her how once but this time I used a book to do so.

Her interest though has re-kindled my own interest in my mandolin. I forgot how much fun it is to play it. Now though my finger tips are losing feeling which means I need to toughen them up again through practice which hurts.

I do try to show her some things and tell her she needs to count out loud but then she says she is too embarrassed to do so. I explain that all musicians worth their weight learn to count and usually (if they are not born with rythm) they learn rythm by learning to count. Yes some people are gifted naturally but practice can help. I personally hated practicing!! It is no fun to be alone in a room making noise (which it is at first). I understand that. So today maybe will be better because she will see me playing my mandolin and maybe it will spurn her on.

I started karate last Friday night. That is so much harder and more painful than it looks. Yes it took a day or so to work out the soreness (who am I kidding, there was no working it out, I just rested). I apologized to G for coaching from the sidelines while she was on the line. I truly broke out in a sweat Friday and that just from stances and kicks.

Today I was so frustrated with myself. I thought I had misunderstood (YET AGAIN) my father's plan for picking G up for VBS. Turns out he got the time wrong but not before I was so mad at myself. I thought he was going to pick her up on the way but the closer it got to the start I figured I had just misunderstood so in frustration I took G up to the church only to return and find my parents at my house. They thought it started at 9 and I thought it started at 8:30. Still I don't know which is right. But I tried and tried to get a pick up time from him yesterday and he never said a time just that they would be there. So then this morning I was second guessing myself and just knew I messed it all up.

Still no word on a job. Unemployment is so messed up and I can't certify nor get anyone on the phone. G leaves next week on vacay with my parents to visit her cousins. Not sure if I am going to let her take the dulcimer or not. I doubt she will practice it. I hope she doesn't wish to learn the guitar because that is her cousin's instrument of choice. I don't have one of those and can't afford one. If anyone wishes to hand one down on the incase I would gladly take it!

Got some very shocking news from a friend that could be lifted in prayer. No details now, maybe later. With the same friend got to see Mama Mia (an ex beau bought them for her) on Saturday. Other than the cro$tch and bo#ob grabs I enjoyed it. Somethings I think are added for shock value but are totally unnecessary! Sometimes, I wish to use my own imagination!!

So G is now home from VBS and told me she went into the wrong class. Maybe she will get to stay because she seems to like it and is in there with her friends. I hope they leave her there tomorrow too.

Thursday, June 07, 2012

The Beginning of Summer Holidays, No Work

So I finished the 4 day temp assignment in 4 days 2 hours. The company was okay with it because the extent of the surveys was very difficult, but with over 100,000 bits of data entered there were less than 200 mistakes. That is an awesome record. By the way, that is why we were specifically requested back through the temp agency. Then the company actually wants me to be available for some very fun (to me) projects in the very near future.

Problem is it won't be permanent and will pay very little per hour and doesn't have a for sure start date. I told the company that I am actually looking for full time employment and I could see disappointment in his face. This company doesn't have enough money to actually hire me permanently but he has recognized that I have a similar skill set that he has (his is more developed) and that is needed because he is the only one at the company that can do what he does. They do really need another person working directly under him who can learn and do the same type work. Oh well.

The college interview has still no information. I even called Tuesday but the HR director never called me back. So I called today and she said they are looking at the year end budget and aren't ready to make a decision on employment. So she didn't say no but she didn't say yes either. I couldn't get a sense that the approval was for me or just a decision on someone else. Oh well.

And I had a call with the unemployment people last week for the two weeks previously when I didn't work but haven't heard from them either. I also can't certify this week like I am supposed to. Their system keeps locking me out and their phones always ALWAYS are too busy to get a person. Oh well.

We have for all intents and purposes run out of money. Bills are paid through June and there is about $100 for groceries. That's it. There is also no money on the credit card to use. And yes that has been necessary. Oh well.

If I think too much about it all I will completely fall apart. G is home with me and we are both feeling the stress. I have a short temper and she is driving me crazy with her boredom. I snapped at her this morning b/c it seemed everywhere I went she would be 1/2 step behind me. Then she begged for me to tell her what to do and I threw out suggestions that she complied with for all of 15 mins.

Then I suggested that she draw a picture of a picture I would provide. I told her to draw it as I gave it (upside down) and not to turn it over until it was complete. I had heard that you can exercise your brain by drawing pictures upside down which engages one side or the other to draw things you see as you see them not as you expect or think they ought to be. But G turned the picture over and ruined the project. So I told her she couldn't draw that picture. Then she argued with me and said she needed to see the picture to see what she was drawing. She wouldn't try to understand the concept. She dug in with her disagreement so I dropped the whole project and didn't find another picture. Oh well.

Then we had lunch and I had her bake a cake (from a box) and water the plants and all was better, not perfect, just better.

Funny thing, last night at VBS our pastor came up and said, "I hear you have a job." I said, "No I don't. I had a 4 day temp job that ended already and I interviewed for a job but I don't have one." He said, "Oh, well, hang in there." um yeah, I'll do that, for there is nothing else I can do. Please understand I really like our pastor and his wife so maybe I just caught him off guard. It was just a weird conversation.

Saturday, June 02, 2012

Now Half Way To Black

G completed her rank test for her blue belt this morning. So now she is half way to black. This system is Christian based and ties the belt colors to the fruit of the Spirit. She has to not only learn forms, kicks, blocks, punches and defense moves she also has to memorize verses related to the fruit of the spirit. So I am proud of her. I made a deal with her that I would start karate when she hit blue belt. Of course when the promise was made blue belt was a LONG way away. And the worst of it or best however you wish to look is that she remembered and now next week I will start karate with G!