Friday, July 13, 2012

So Yesterday...

I attempted to use the bread machine I bought (in March) for the first time only to discover a bent cord. Well, that just sucked the mojo right out of me and I pouted over my poor luck laid my plans aside for another day. Well today I jammed that cord in the wall outlet and G and I added all the ingredients for pizza dough.

Then I saw on the pizza dough yeast packet a 30 min recipe instead of the well over an hour the machine's recipe will take. And I added cold water because maybe other people know that when 1 1/3 cups of water is requested it is suppose to be warm, but unless it specifically calls for it I don't. I thought about the need for warm water after I started the machine. I suppose this will be for dinner which would be about the right time for it to be finished.

I am such a chicken in the kitchen, so afraid of messing something up and wasting it. Thus my very lack of kitchen skills. I don't even have the basic skills. Sure I can boil water, boil and egg, fry a sausage patty and bake pre-packaged foods but anything from scratch or anything that requires a lot of ingredients, well, I am supremely intimidated. Actually I think G has stretched me because you know she has to eat healthy.

I have been rejected by Toys R Us. Yes I applied for a job and received the rejection e-mail today. Also, the school where I interviewed the Thursday before Memorial Day has still not contacted me with a yay or nay. The temp position with the survey company that was interested in my computer skills hasn't contacted me either.

Anyway, I called the insurance company and stopped the withdrawal for August. I think I get a 2 month grace period (I will need to make back payments when or if I get a job). While on hold waiting for the answer about what I can or can't do about the payments, I totally broke down crying. The girl came back on the phone and asked to pray for me after explaining the 2 month grace period. This is a Christian based ministry so the prayer was not unexpected and like a warm blanket placed on a cold and weary soul.

Calling them took all my emotional energy, but I need to call the other creditors to let them know I can make no other payments on anything next month. I just am not sure I can get through it today.

This morning at 7 the alarm went off. It is set to wake by music stationed on Klove, Christian music. G didn't get up, and neither did I. We slept for 2 hours while the music played over us. I am not sleeping at night so when I am asleep I wish to stay that way. G doesn't understand why I expect her to go to sleep but I don't. It is very difficult to explain to her that my not sleeping isn't a matter of my not wanting to but a matter of inability to do so. My nerves are frayed and I think I am losing a bit of weight which is not necessarily a bad thing but the reason behind it isn't the best.

Casting Crowns song Praise You in the Storm is on right now. The words are like a balm to my weary soul. I know God is good all the time, and I have no idea why this valley/trial. That is all I can manage right now. I know though I am not forgotten by Him, He loves me and I stand in His resurrection.


The Hensley Family said...

"my god shall supply all your needs according to his riches and glory through Christ Jesus our Lord." please text me your address or email me if you still have my contact information. You have really been on my mind.

shelley said...

We are totally in your shoes. We aren't able to pay bills this month. Never thought we would be here. Please know I will be praying for a job for you and I know you will lift my family up in prayer. I KNEW for sure God would swoop down and send jobs our way, but that is not to be. Remember HE loves us more than we can know and this is hurting him horribly that we have to suffer.

Vivian M said...

Sending prayers your way. Have been thinking about you for some time now, and how very strong you have been through all your trials. I am reminded of the story of Job.