Friday, September 21, 2012

International Day of Peace

G noticed on the calendar that today was the International Day of Peace and recommended that we stay home.  I thought it was a great idea but we couldn't stay home.  I suppose right now in the middle east there are celebrations of the International Day of Tearing Our Enemies to Pieces

Fun times I tell you.  Tomorrow is another laundry day, because it never ever ends.  Also, Soccer, because-SOCCER, yea!  Not really looking forward to getting up early on another Saturday and am hoping it will be over soon. 

Work is going, and I am so glad Fridays and Saturdays were invinted.  Have a great weekend everybody.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

G's Struggles

We had another late into the night conversation with G under the covers asking questions and talking.  She hides her head when we talk about the China family and her thoughts, fears, anger etc.  It is very normal but she is really struggling. 

G is determined that God made a mistake in making her a girl.  This is not about gender identity. It is 100% her belief that she would not have left her first family had she been a boy.  She would have been wanted if she were born a boy.  G cannot move past this.  She has decided that her first family was at fault for letting her go.

Somewhere she got the idea that her first mom put her in a box on the side of the road and a strange man found her and took her to the police.  The second half is the only "truth" we have.  Her official paper work says she was found by anonymous man who refused to give his name and took her to the police who called the civil affairs director and doctor. 

I never told her it was her mom or that she was in a box.  She got that from fiction books that have been written for children who were adopted from China.  I explained to her that what was written on the adoption paperwork is the only "truth" we know.  I quote that because after reading other families who have found first families and seeing the corruption in the family planning offices particularly in her province I am not 100% convinced that what is on the official paperwork is correct. 

I let her have her feelings of hurt and anger while explaining that her first family may have not been able to hold onto her.  She asked me this morning if her first family could find her could she stay with them.  I told her that they could not take her back as their child to raise because the adoption is final; however, if we did manage to find them and had a good relationship with them and if she wanted to visit them we would do what we could to allow that.  I told her how I did wish we could find them and talk to them but honestly I haven't been able to afford to instigate a search.

G is really hurt that her parents didn't physically fight to keep her.  She just knows they could have if they had wanted to keep her.  In her struggles personally about this we have struggles as a family between us as well.  This really does affect her whole life. 

Please pray for my girl and for me to help her forgive and move past. 

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

The Sunshine Is Coming Out at Work

We had exclusive training today on the computer based system. The whole system was set up and we all were trained very poorly, me being the last one in even more poorly by the others there.

Intuitively I just knew the system is being used so less smart than it could be and I was right. The OM who was fired recently helped set the system up and trained everyone to do everything, well, wrong. Bad practice begets bad practices and we have lots of bad practices.

Fixing it though is definitely causing lots of blocks of cheese to be moved for the ones who have been there longer than I. You could tell by the questions and rolling of eyes that change is not in their vocabulary. I am so jazzed that there will be cross training and accountability and recommendation to link all the client accounts because to have two accounts is just stupid. Oh and we will have access to things we haven't before and real usernames and passwords and access!!

Incredibly stupid way to run a billing office currently but things haven't been changeable since OM left. And it really isn't anyone's fault except for the lack of challenging the system as it is. The consultant had to come in and show everybody as if new again which is oh so lovely. Seriously we have been set up to fail and now we may truly have a shot.

We even get to spend an hour with her to go over the system. I finally felt that I really can take responsibility for working claims that have been rejected without stepping on toes. I have been working on egg shells since before Labor Day and no more, I feel that this training will go far.

I may have to look into getting the coding certificate. Cost however is a very prohibitive thing.


Has become the National Day of Service where we honor and give back, so to speak, to the first responders in our area and across the nation. Also, to just reach out and be of service to someone in need in memory and in honor of those who helped others on that terrible day.

In memory of 9/11 and those who died in this tragedy, it is important to remember them but also to make something good come out of this to show we are better than those who did this.

Never Forget!

Photo I got using the Bing search tool on the internet.

Saturday, September 08, 2012

Almost a Weekend Disaster

The weekend plan initially was to eat breakfast, go to soccer games, come home, eat lunch while also doing laundry, go get gas in car and do a little grocery shopping. As we all know the phrase, best laid plans of mice and men (probably didn't even quote it correctly). Don't know from where it comes and don't really care at this moment.

So the storms came through our little town last night knocking power out but drastically lowering the temp to much more appropriate fall-ish weather. Thankfully as far as I know there were no deaths as in Oklahoma or flooding like in Missouri. Soccer games were cancelled due to heavy muddy fields which, yea for me because I was not really looking forward to going today.

Then I started to make breakfast; G gets a hot breakfast every morning, either grits and hash browns (which I now know what is meant by "slinging hash browns"), fried egg and waffle or something else but can't remember right now. And I, every morning, make a French press pot of coffee. Well, none of the burners would heat up on the stove, which meant no breakfast for G and also no coffee for me, ugh.

So I called my mom and we headed out there for breakfast. I of course was thinking that the whole thing was about the stove breaking so I brought the manual for the stove out with me to give to Dad. Turns out, the power for 220v and up was messed up from the storm, but lights etc would work.

Dad fixed G and me breakfast, and we visited with my aunt visiting from FL a bit. Then Dad started getting his flashlight etc to come fix the stove which meant G and I had to go home so I could clean up the stuff on the stove and the area around it.

I failed to communicate to G that the plan was not to stay at grammie's all day but to actually leave when Dad did so we could be there while he fixed the stove. She got very upset because she wanted to stay at my mom's. She was dragging her feet about leaving which stressed me out too. Then she promptly fell apart in the car.

By the time we got home however, the power was back off at the house and the power trucks were working on the problem. So I just sent G back with dad, and I will finish the laundry and get gas/groceries by myself. In G's perfect world all of her people would be together all the time. The minute she leaves one she already misses them.

I believe there may be time for a little nap since I was waking up most of the night wondering when the power would come back on. It was out from 9:30ish to 6am and then not fully. I worried about the freezer and fridge stuffs so I am quite tired really.

Thursday, September 06, 2012

I Am Ready For Friday

I come home exhausted everyday. I am so ready for the weekend. We start soccer games Saturday. I have loads and loads of laundry that seem to just repopulate every time I turn my back. I hate redundant chores and that is so redundant!

G is struggling in school. 3rd grade is hard. She won't listen to me either. She really needs to talk to her teacher. She made a B on a math test that the teacher took with the kids on the smart board. The teacher went over the test twice. That is like an open book test but better. G made a B on it. Really?!?!?!?

She said the teacher went too fast. the teacher wrote me a note on the back of the test and said the test was taken by her on the smart board so the kids could take the test with her. I wrote back in the agenda of my death book that G does not feel comfortable to raise her hand to ask her to slow down. The teacher responded that I needed to speak to G about it.

Then she made some mistakes that she knew better. She said she just didn't pay attention. I warned her that missing questions that were truly hard was very different than missing questions for not paying attention. I told her that the ones she knew but missed anyway will always make her grade lower when she also misses the ones she doesn't quite understand. Her answer, "so."

I warned her that even home school (she wants to do next year via internet) she would still need to pay attention and get the ones right she knows how to do and then if she misses the ones that she doesn't it will be okay, just something to work on. G goes way too fast on homework and tests.

She is too reserved to ask over and over again as well especially if her teacher has ever (even in G's mind) scolded her for asking. Maybe I need to meet with the teacher. There really isn't enough room to write in the agenda of my death book. Have I mentioned how much I loathe this book?

Tuesday, September 04, 2012

Today Was a Much Better Day

I am still very guarded but there were no overt comments, threats or what not, but I feel like given time the other shoe will drop. Things are changing out of necessity. I still have not felt compelled to work late. Seems I can just get it done. Maybe my hostpitals are easy so I must be doing something wrong still. hmmmm....

G had an okay day at school. Took an AR test but didn't get 100 just 80. We read it twice (she once and me to her once) but for some reason, even last year, this particular series of books are very hard for her. I hope she doesn't get stalled on chapter books. Yes it is still a good grade but I know she tries so hard.

Only 3 more days to the weekend and G's first soccer game of the season. Hope it cools down soon because soccer will be way too hot to enjoy, I mean for those kids to run around for, heh.
They have really pretty colors this time, black and red. So excited to see them play. The socks don't feel as thick either which is really good.

Monday, September 03, 2012

Happy National Empty Chair Day

This is a MUCH better holiday than labor day:

Labor Day Birthdays

G and I are in a heated game of uno on the Kindle Fire. She is so very competative and sometimes cheats. For my birthday (aged 42) G let me sleep until 9:26am (which is when my back started hurting and my dreams started being really weird) and I awoke on my own.

Then I opened two birthday cards from my mother and sister. Very kind of them to include gas money for the next 2 weeks, and I am being very serious.

Then I called my mom to see if she wished to ride over to the big city to find G some seaweed snack. We found some, much to G's delight!! Then we headed to a coffee shop that used to give free coffee's for birthdays but it was closed on Labor Day.

We tried to go to a karate import place that was closed and an army supply that was closed and drove by pier's won (deliberately misspelled) who though open with clearance but the parking lot had 4 cars only. Most restaurants were closed or extremely not busy at lunch time. The thing that struck me most and of course we weren't near a mall but it seems to me when I was younger there were ginormous sales on Labor Day, a big shopping day if I remember correctly. I suppose with all the hope and change going on, no one can afford to spend money and small shops can't afford to be open on a federal holiday!

It was nice to hang out with my daughter and mom. G has her tickle box turned over for this Uno game. She may be the uno champion in her class, I am the uno champion of the HOUSE, heh.

Saturday, September 01, 2012

Job Update

The college where I had interviewed chose another person and said, "They (the director) said they would be too hard on you." I don't really know what that means but I have my suspicions.

Next at the dr office the co-worker that yelled at me on Thursday where I was physically afraid and called me a crazy liar, also is (by her own confession) the reason I am PRN. She told the OM not to hire me full time. Then the co-worker started hoarding work, literally hoarding it not allowing me to do it. The doctor had to get involved. The billing manager called it a cat fight which ticked me off to no end. This co-worker has been sabotaging everything I have been doing or trying to do. She feels threatened which is stupid because there is 80 hours worth of work to do if it is to be done well per week.

To say I am pissed would be a grave understatement. The billing manager has my back but to what extent can the doctor see it, I don't know. I told the doctor that I felt threatened and told him what she screamed at me and she said, "She's lying. I did not." I told several people right after it happened but no one heard her.

She is still mad over a mis-perceived offense she blames on me. It truly is incredible. She has admitted to the billing manager that she will not get along with me. Anyway, I have no idea if I will be able to continue to work there or no.

Headed to the grocery store...

G Coversations

This week, I haven't been feeling well and G helpfully suggested that maybe I had "diary."

G explaining her Uno champhionship in her class her teacher kept telling her she was "bad," or a "bad uno player." G said, "Mama, I think she meant good and I had to stop and think everytime she said it what she meant."

There is a slight cultural difference between G and her teacher.

I was telling G about a man who won the world record for having a voice so low that only elephants could hear it. Her response was, "Well, I can hear it."

When retelling the story to my mom, G piped in, "Well I am not a normal person, I am a China person."