Thursday, September 20, 2012

G's Struggles

We had another late into the night conversation with G under the covers asking questions and talking.  She hides her head when we talk about the China family and her thoughts, fears, anger etc.  It is very normal but she is really struggling. 

G is determined that God made a mistake in making her a girl.  This is not about gender identity. It is 100% her belief that she would not have left her first family had she been a boy.  She would have been wanted if she were born a boy.  G cannot move past this.  She has decided that her first family was at fault for letting her go.

Somewhere she got the idea that her first mom put her in a box on the side of the road and a strange man found her and took her to the police.  The second half is the only "truth" we have.  Her official paper work says she was found by anonymous man who refused to give his name and took her to the police who called the civil affairs director and doctor. 

I never told her it was her mom or that she was in a box.  She got that from fiction books that have been written for children who were adopted from China.  I explained to her that what was written on the adoption paperwork is the only "truth" we know.  I quote that because after reading other families who have found first families and seeing the corruption in the family planning offices particularly in her province I am not 100% convinced that what is on the official paperwork is correct. 

I let her have her feelings of hurt and anger while explaining that her first family may have not been able to hold onto her.  She asked me this morning if her first family could find her could she stay with them.  I told her that they could not take her back as their child to raise because the adoption is final; however, if we did manage to find them and had a good relationship with them and if she wanted to visit them we would do what we could to allow that.  I told her how I did wish we could find them and talk to them but honestly I haven't been able to afford to instigate a search.

G is really hurt that her parents didn't physically fight to keep her.  She just knows they could have if they had wanted to keep her.  In her struggles personally about this we have struggles as a family between us as well.  This really does affect her whole life. 

Please pray for my girl and for me to help her forgive and move past. 


Briana's Mom said...

I am definitely praying for her. It is so tough. It is so good that she feels comfortable talking with you about all of this though.

The Byrd's Nest said...

She and Lottie are SO much alike:) I read a book called, "The colors of grief"....have you read that book? It really gave me a good perspective of how Lottie is processing everything. You are a good Mom Bev, the fact that our daughter's tell us any of their feelings about this says alot! Emma just flitters around the house making up stories about the times that she, her mom and her grandma had and how much fun Korea was:) I'm thinking G and Lottie will have dealt with many more real issues by the time they are teens and hopefully Emma will begin before she gets to that age!!! Yikes!!!

Praying for your sweet girl:)

Vivian M said...

Praying for you both....(hugs)